Welp! If you guys know anything about me, you know I’m a Sam girl (as pictured above, and yes, that hug was as glorious as it looks) and so I was recently on ConTinual gushing about our giant lovable Moose’s best episodes of Supernatural. If you’re a Sam girl too, tune in below!
https://www.facebook.com/groups/ConTinual/posts/1928907867721776
God bless the geeks and the freaks.
After all, they are who we have to thank for what I am considering one of the best adaptations of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein EVER. Now, I don’t want to Get Out this movie (aka overhype it so much that the very sight of its poster and the very utterance of its name pisses me the fuck off to no end), but I do want to give this movie every flower it deserves on its well-made grave. I know nobody cares, but I just have to take an aside to gush about this film particularly because it was a long time coming and it did not disappoint. Anyone that knows me knows I was heartbroken when initially, Universal approached Guillermo del Toro about directing a new line of monster movies, but the time commitment and the potential lack of creative control meant he turned it down. I am so very glad I live in the timeline where they managed to hand him a Universal movie monster, and not just any single one, but probably the one he understands the most as a lover of monsters. I promise I’ll try to say something worth reading while I try to discuss why I enjoyed the film so much as someone that writes books and movies (Note: I started writing screenplays in 2024; done with one, working on a second, and will begin two or more in 2026, so cross your fingers for me, darlings!)
As such, I will be spoiling the entirety of the novel and the new del Toro adaptation, so if you wanna go in unspoiled, watch it, then pop back in here. Spoiler warning for everything below!
I think what I want to talk about enough to bother you all with a blog post is that I am so delighted to be right that del Toro’s changes to the story all were changes that I not only like, but appreciate. I usually am a bit wary of anytime there are large differences between a book and an adaptation, but del Toro is arguably my favorite director of all-time (no offense, Mr. Nolan, but you lost me so fucking hard with Tenet that it’s crazy) because he understands story and character on such a wonderful level. I know that making movies is a business and so a lot of these decisions are made for money reasons, but my favorite thing about del Toro is that everything he makes has his vision in it. And del Toro’s vision is so clear and so concise because he gives a shit about story and character. I love the simple care he puts into making you follow someone’s journey, no matter how dark or violent or scary, and it ends up weaving in such elements of beauty that I’m always left with a sigh of wistful relief when I see his films, and this one is no different.
To avoid this becoming a twenty page gush-fest, I’ll focus on two areas that I think are why this film is not only important, but why I enjoyed it so much.
First, let’s talk about the changes to the story that I truly think added so much to an already great book.
For anyone that’s been out of a classroom for a long time or isn’t an avid reader, I’m sure you probably either only know some of the basic plot of the novel or you’ve seen the famous Boris Karloff version. What I really love is that del Toro was able to capture, in my opinion, the best of those three worlds.
The Karloff version is the one most people know that introduced the idea of electrical instruments or a combination of chemical and electrical reactions to reanimate the Creature. The monster is also never referred to as Frankenstein in the Karloff version, but the people mistook the movie to mean it was his name, so that also was something del Toro and other adaptations have had to correct over the years. Karloff’s version is also the one with the disabled assistant named Fritz; Fritz was created for the stage play version of the story, and he is not in the novel, and so he’s not in del Toro’s version nor is he actually Igor, who was made popular by one of the sequels to the movie. The Karloff version also had the Creature have little to no speech development and remained basically childlike except in fits of rage or fear, and that is probably the largest departure between the Karloff version and the novel.
The places where all three intersect are interesting. Del Toro has the Creature intelligent and learning, same as the book, but he takes the chemical and electrical aesthetic from the Karloff movies to use for how Victor Frankenstein creates the Creature, which is not specified by method in the novel. I really enjoyed how he found a way to nod to Karloff version that made this story a household name and helped movie monsters leap forward in how they were written and acted.
The first change I want to talk about is the decision to switch Victor’s best friend Henry to his younger brother. This change I truly liked, but I think it was just a bit underdeveloped compared to what else I’d have liked to have seen. It gives us this really nice amount of underlying tension, as you see his brother Henry is very soft spoken and normal, whereas Victor is loud and abrasive. Being alone after the passing of their father made him a very submissive younger brother, but he does more here than I think Henry did in the original 1931 Frankenstein, as his part was also cut for time. Here, Henry is a foil to Victor, showing how enabling someone with self-destructive tendencies almost always leads to you, the enabler, being hurt by that same abuser. There are several points where Henry could have chosen to do something that would hurt Victor’s feelings, but might have spared him tragedy, but he doesn’t intervene. For instance, Victor hides that he’s responsible for Harlander’s death. Henry could have asked more questions or forced Victor to hand the Creature to the authorities for murder and implicate himself, but he didn’t do it. He never involved the authorities since he knew it would take his brother away and he seemed to think he could always mitigate the damage that Victor did, but he was fatally wrong. I really wanted more of this brotherhood, but again, you can’t fit everything into a movie, so it remains a good but underdeveloped piece of the puzzle. I really liked Henry calling Victor a monster before he dies; it is something that’s been missing from many adaptations of the book in my eyes. It speaks volumes that Victor is somehow angry at the Creature when it’s his own actions that result in the deaths of Henry and Elizabeth both, shirking all the blame and all the responsibility. He truly is a monster.
The next change I want to talk about is the decision to have Elizabeth enamored with the Creature rather than in the novel where she is betrothed to Victor. What a choice! What a change! In the novel, Elizabeth never meets the Creature; it only appears on her wedding night to murder her out of revenge for Victor refusing to create him a companion. Not that other stories haven’t done it, but to me, this version might be the strongest part of the film other than the Creature himself. What impresses me the most about the choice to have her enamored with the Creature is it does this neat transition from an almost motherly, protective thing to the Creature growing into his manhood, personality, and maturity, so he becomes a man that could have been good to her in many ways since she was a lost soul. She is immediately taken with him as a woman in a society where for the most part, she will never get what she wants. She was born in a time period where all she can do is live under a man’s boot, and she doesn’t even get to really pick which man and which boot. She sees the Creature’s pain and she calls Victor out on his shit immediately, which is why I loved her the instant I met her breaking him down about the War. Elizabeth is a character that historically has little to no agency; in the Karloff version, the most she summons up is the courage to visit Victor when he’s acting erratic. She never gets to do anything else in the story, though she does survive in the movie where she dies in the novel, but here, Elizabeth actually has agency in a surprising way. Elizabeth’s choice to condemn Victor for mistreating the Creature is the first really excellent change that I love the del Toro and his writers made. It’s such a great conversation to have about what makes love what it is in the first place. She felt a connection with his pure innocence and his pain at being somewhere he never wanted to be against his will. They manage to make it feel so authentic and heartbreaking rather than as weird as I’m sure normal people would consider it, and that’s why I love del Toro. I love his ability to take something weird, scary, and off-putting and recontextualize it into something beautiful. Her decision to jump in front of the Creature (and God bless, she had no idea the damn thing can’t die, poor baby died for nothing) actually hands her back her agency, when normally it would be considered Stuffed into the Fridge. That’s what I found the most surprising—I usually HATE this trope. I hate it when a girl dies just so the man in the story will be sad. Fuck that. Let women have agency apart from the men that love them, and ironically, Elizabeth’s choice to take the bullet for the Creature gave her back her agency in a story where she couldn’t truly act to do what she wanted. There is a chance she could have run away with him, but Victor’s selfish hatred and cowardice took that from her, but she still gets to be herself and die as herself by asking the Creature to take her away with him. Seriously, I mean it. It might be the best thing about the entire adaptation, personally, for me.
The only downside is that I thought this film was building up to have the Creature ask Victor to change Elizabeth into his companion, but they don’t do it. They just let her die and the matter is dropped; in the novel, Victor does make the companion, but destroys it at the last minute out of fear of what the two of them might do to the world. It’s not a soul-crushing thing for me, but it was disappointing as I felt it might give her a little extra agency to come back as the undead, but get to live an eternal life with someone that cares for her deeply. It could be the studio vetoed it, but either way, I would have liked her to become The Bride for a Sequel Hook at the end, personally.
Finally (at least in terms of our discussion of the changes), I really liked del Toro deciding to change the Creature from vengeful to sympathetic and from a mortal man into an immortal one. In the novel, the Creature is sympathetic until it confronts Victor and asks for a companion since Victor rejected him and so did the rest of society. The two of them are locked in a hateful chase and cat and mouse game until the confrontation on the boat where he finally is injured enough that he will die and the Creature confronts him one last time. I knew that del Toro would write our Creature sympathetic and I love everything about how this version of him came to be. It’s such a great change to make him immortal, as he is completely right: some of us are born against our will and we live in constant pain, and death is the only comfort some of us will ever know, and Victor’s blind ambition has stolen that from the Creature. It is amazing to me the Creature came to pity and forgive him, as I know I’d be irreversibly ruined by the thought of never dying. What I love most is that it really does change the message and tone of the novel for me in a good way. The novel is much more pessimistic with the Creature realizing he is no happier having gotten his revenge on Victor and he will commit suicide so he will never harm anyone else. By having the Creature forgive Victor—even though Victor has done NOTHING to earn it—he can find the only peace he will ever have if he truly can’t die. The way Victor patted his head just made me burst into tears the second time I saw it, much like his scene with the old man. Del Toro and Jacob both do so much fucking work that really makes the Creature’s journey land. It’s why you’ll see me refer to the book version and the early part of the script of this movie as “it” and then after the Creature becomes a man with experiences, I refer to the Creature as “him.” He truly moves from an it to a him over the course of the film in a truly wonderful way, and I really hope the superb writing and acting earns them some Oscar nods, even though I know the fucking Academy hates speculative fiction and asking them to nominate Sinners and Frankenstein (you know, two films directed and starring people of color) in the same year over that godawful upcoming Avatar 3 is going to be a fight to the fucking death. But I digress. They add so many dimensions to the Creature in this adaptation and I think it’s going to really be considered one of the best ones in history.
Next, what I really wanted to gush about is the way that the narrative takes Victor to task for his blind ambition and irresponsible denial. Now, I have already heard a bunch of stuffy old dudes on various social media bleating about del Toro “making Victor the villain” and I’m sorry, time to be a dick: you ain’t read the book if you ever thought Victor was NOT the fucking villain.
(Side note: Can we stop that, by the way? Every single time a movie that women identify with personally, especially a romance or gothic horror story, that is universally praised and makes money, a bunch of men come out of the woodworks to complain about the “author’s intent” and complain about superficial aspects or they just plain “can’t explain why they don’t like it but they don’t” and they need everyone to hear them. Please, let’s make this the movie where we stop fucking doing that shit. If women are enjoying something that’s generally agreed is quality work and you hate it, that’s valid and fine, but also, stop fucking raining on women’s parades when the thing they enjoyed that was made specifically for them did not work for you. You’re allowed to dislike it, and you’re allowed to say you disliked it, but if you got on your fucking post just to dislike a thing women identified with, close your laptop or the app and ask yourself why you felt that fucking impulse in the first place. Do it for me. Thanks, chums.)
Victor Frankenstein here is only slightly more villainous than his novel self, if you ask me. The reason why is that of all the people identifying with this version of the Creature, I identify directly with the idea that I hate being alive and I never asked to be alive; it was the will of my parents and…biology…frankly, as I don’t believe for one second God’s sorry ass wanted me here. Therefore, I LOVED this portrayal of Victor as an arrogant, in-denial, irresponsible, selfish coward. Oh, I loved it. I had longed for a less sympathetic version of him that took him to task over playing God. Forget the religious implications; what truly came through for me in this film is his fucking irresponsible nature. How dare a fucking surgeon expect something that was dead to have retained knowledge and understand in a matter of fucking weeks. It takes a human child a year to fucking talk, and yes, that information was already available to him as a doctor and just in general. Victor is utterly horrid the entire time and I am so glad they did not choose to spare him. They make him a detestable sack of shit, to the degree I was glad to see him die. The scene that truly tore it was “make me save you.” I swear to God, it was the instant I wished I could kill Victor myself. Not only did you choose to kill the Creature inhumanely—fire HURTS, and so does smoke inhalation—but he pretends the Creature could ever save itself when he already decided to destroy him. He demands the Creature say another word and the Creature says Elizabeth. Victor then pretends he didn’t hear it and leaves him to burn to death. Like I said, it was the moment I knew I hated him to the depths of my soul. I also know because he’s portrayed by Oscar Isaac, a snack and a half, if I do say so myself, there will be a bunch of girlies that insist he’s innocent and did nothing wrong. Yeah, uh, avoid those girlies. They’re not well women, and they’re probably John Walker apologists too but I digress. I know there will be an uprising of people who hate this version of Victor for being a cold, callous fucking coward, and I’m the opposite. I fully commend del Toro for not bending to the urge to make Victor not a dickhead. He’s a dickhead in the book and he’s a dickhead here, and that’s great.
Another smaller, more cosmetic thing I wanted to talk about is I didn’t notice that Mia Goth played Victor’s mother Claire, as she was hidden behind a veil for most of it and her hair was dark (I’m face-blind sometimes, please excuse that) and after it was pointed out to me, I loved that so much of Victor’s obsession is clearly a byproduct of her death. He is angry at life or God that the only thing he ever loved was taken away and he was too young to stop it or do anything about it, so he has to create or else he will admit life took something he’ll never get back and he can’t deal with the idea. Victor is motivated by selfishness alone and it’s why he is so impatient and ugly with the Creature, refusing to give it any basic human decency as he considers it an experiment gone wrong, not a man, and certainly not a person. It’s incredible how far into his denial he flies, and I wish Act One had been a little shorter so that Act Three could have spent the time forcing him to reconcile with the fact that all of this was about his mother and lack of acceptance of death’s cruelty, and that the deaths of Henry and Elizabeth are on him and him alone. I wanted him to struggle and learn, but again, I believe it was cut for time, but I still enjoyed the motif and theme a lot. It was something I hadn’t seen in other interpretations of the story.
Okay, I swear, I’m almost done—the very last thing that I had to give its flowers is the set and costume/makeup. It’s honestly one of the most gorgeous films I’ve ever seen. I haven’t been this wowed since Prey (2022) came out. Del Toro is so great with the use of color and it really shines in the film. The standout for me is Elizabeth’s green, turquoise, and purple bonnet. WOW. It’s just a breathtaking period piece and his entire team deserves an Oscar for how hard they worked. The movie’s aesthetic is so good I was laughing after I finished watching it the first time because I knew there are entire generations of people that will make this film’s aesthetic their entire personality. And who can blame them! If this movie came out when I was in my emo phase, oh, I’d be in Hot Topic in short order buying crap from the merchandising section from this movie.
Alright, I promised, so I’m done gushing now. I hope there are nothing but good things in store for everyone involved in making this movie and I can’t stress enough that I’m not trying to overhype it, but I am genuinely excited it lived up to my expectations. It adds so much to the story and I didn’t feel as if we missed too much of the book’s spirits, but your mileage may vary.
Either way, what I can say is that del Toro loves his geeks and freaks, and I hope he continues making great movies like this one for us to enjoy for years to come. Here’s to you, Frankenstein (2025). Your accomplishments are well-earned.
Love,
Kyo
I am excited to announce that I have an upcoming urban fantasy/science fiction short story about Agent Yusuke Okamura chasing after the escaped siren wyvern dragon called “The Wildest Hunt” in Dragon Soul Press’ anthology, Fire and Ash! It is an anthology that will be out January 30th 2026.
Caution: Dragons ahead.
Prepare to delve into fiery worlds full of dragons. From hatchlings to ancients. From tame to wild. Many have their own goals, and most want to see the world reduced to ash. To reshape the world in their own reptilian image. Others struggle to survive, but heroes rise among them.
Which side will you choose?
Featuring 21 stories by the following authors: Valerie Sirenko, Stephanie Bedwell-Grime, Evan A. Davis, Donna J. Collins, Preston Dennett, Shane Porteous, Amelia Weissman, Cyrus Janiak, Barend Nieuwstraten III, Dafydd Hopcyn-Kitchene, J. VanZile, Diana Parrilla, Kyoko M., Sean E. Britten, Caroline Crews, Jacob Seinemeier, Racquel Sims, Malina Douglas, Emily Byrne, Michael Stuart Trimmer, and J.E. Feldman.
Sigh.
We’re back here again, ladies and gents. This is why we can’t have nice things, dammit.
Alright, so, the story with The Diplomat is a funny one for me. I had no intention of ever watching this show until one day in 2023, I was on the phone with my dad and he suggested the show. I asked him why, as I generally don’t go for political dramas or thrillers, but he assured me I’d get it once I watched the pilot. So I tried the pilot. I then gave my father another phone call afterward.
Me: …did you tell me to watch this show because I AM Kate Wyler?
Dad: That is EXACTLY why.
Me: How dare you.
Now then, we’re going to talk about The Diplomat in excruciating detail because I cannot shut up to save my life (“AND YOU KNOW THIS, MANNNNNNNN!”) and so if you’re not caught up through the end of season three of The Diplomat, please bookmark this post and pop back in when you’re up to date. Spoiler Warning: I will be spoiling nearly the entire show to talk about what I felt went horribly wrong in season three.
So the story of me watching The Diplomat is mostly that I found my tribe with Kate Wyler, who before season three was a sleep deprived trainwreck tomboy and that’s still 100% me (even though now I like to wear dresses, funnily enough), so I gobbled up season one in a binge-watch and did the very same for season two, enjoying both seasons immensely. Of the two, I’d lean slightly towards season one, but only for the epic confrontation scene (and yes, I know, if the genders were reversed, it wouldn’t be funny, but as it stands, it’s HILARIOUS and I regret nothing). I truly had fun with the show, so I was very excited about season three once announced. The show itself is not one of the super trending shows, so I actually had to go look up the premiere date for season three myself and then discovered the trailer was online with a mid-October premiere date, so I gave it a watch.
And I immediately got worried.
The trailer was skewed towards the toxic romance between Kate and Hal, hinted at Kate’s relationship with Austin, and then introduced some random dark-haired guy as a potential love interest. It immediately put me on edge as this show’s never used the toxic romance bit to carry it; the romance has always been a catalyst. I quelled my fears and decided to wait in spite of my unease and see where the actual season went, as trailers often are misleading.
The season came out. I was in Atlanta hanging out for Multiverse Con, so I split the eight episodes into three days of viewing after the con when I got back home.
I am very, very worried about this series now.
Let’s get into why.
Alright, recap time: The Diplomat stars Keri Russell and Rufus Sewell as Kate and Hal Wyler, a married couple of diplomats and ambassadors to Britain. Long story short is that their marriage is a sham and only being kept up for appearances as both of them are toxic and argue constantly, then make up constantly over how to handle her job. Kate then finds out the Vice President of the US is going to be replaced and they have been eyeing her for the role. She doesn’t want it, but shenanigans happen and eventually, she realizes there may be some merit in accepting the role and so the show is about them not only keeping Britain from going to war thanks to their irresponsible, childish prime minister Trowbridge, but also her slowly realizing the path to the White House might be right for her after all. The conflict comes from keeping Trowbridge under control and the fact that Hal loves to go behind her back to manipulate things in his favor to give him more power.
In season three, Hal told President Rayburn that the VP Grace Penn was the one who suggested the mistakenly fatal attack on the HMS Courageous. Originally, it was a tactic that should have resulted in no deaths, but errors caused it to kill 41 sailors and sink the ship. The shock of the news plus Rayburn’s age and poor health result in him actually having a heart attack and dying upon being told his own VP was partially responsible for the deaths of 41 British sailors. The country is thrown into crisis mode as they speedily ready Grace Penn to be sworn in as President, and to the Wyler’s shock, she actually chooses Hal to be her VP, not Kate. Hal and Kate have an intense argument, but she tells him to accept the role, and he does, but she is now second lady and the ambassador to Britain, and so the strain of doing both roles then completely deep-sixes their marriage all over again. Kate becomes resentful of Hal leaving her out of conversations she feels she should be involved in; Hal resents Kate for moving on with a new boyfriend even though they are supposed to pretend to be happily married in public. Then, a discovery is made that there is a derelict Russian sub in British waters carrying a very bad nuke called the Poseidon. If they don’t remove it quickly, a bad foreign power will get their hands on it, so everyone has to now convince the very angry Trowbridge to address the nuke sub issue without causing an international incident between the US, the UK, China, and Russia.
On paper, that doesn’t sound like a bad season, right?
Well, here’s where things went wrong for me.
I truly don’t think this show is at a point where it can’t be saved, but this season struck such a hard blow against it that I’m reeling a bit. It’s just such a vast difference in quality in the writing that I have to wonder if three things happened, and I’ll hopefully find out someday now that the season is out: (1) Netflix told them they got the season four greenlight, but they have to start trending, not just getting great reviews, and so they told them to insert way, way more romance and sex to attract female viewers ala Scandal or a Shonda Rhimes/Ava Duvernay series (2) Netflix told them that they want the show more like Billions, where the cast of characters are terrible, flawed, but interesting people, instead of sticking with the flawed but likable cast we currently have written (3) The show ran out of ideas of what to do next due to the excellent writing for their first two seasons, so they tried focusing on the romance instead of the clever plot and added more sex to try and distract from the fact that they ran out of ideas for season three. Since it’s so early, I’m sure there isn’t much out about the third season’s production, but I will be listening out to hear if one of those three theories is why season three is so damn wonky.
I’m also not alone in my griping for once. I popped open the IMDB page after the season three premiere and several of the user reviews have said the exact same things that I did (albeit it with brevity). What’s scary is how many of the recent reviews not only say that the first two seasons are great and this one sucks, so many of them use the exact phrase “soap opera” that I can tell I’m not the only one that thinks season three is a massive step down and setback from seasons one and two. Truly, if you don’t believe me, go have a look.
I really want this show to get out of its death spiral. I do. I hope that the critical reviews are read and reviewed by the creator and the writing team and they realize this is a simple misstep and they course correct. After all, we just saw the first Castlevania Netflix series do the same (great first two seasons, terrible third season, but much improved fourth season closing it out, though it didn’t do everything we wanted like make TrephaGretacard a canon poly ship, but I digress.) I don’t feel like this season made everyone irredeemable, but if I were the writers, I’d set up the first half of season four to fix everything I just said. Fix Hal and Kate so that they are no longer unlikable sociopaths. Fix Austin so he’s not just being used and discarded to interrupt your main ship. Toss Callum out the window or actually bother to write him into the narrative so he matters and we care about him, whether that’s love or hate. Get everyone’s actions back to being consistent. Stop making lazy decisions for easy manufactured tension. Make sure Kate has an actual arc, not just bouncing around on dicks making really poor decisions (and again, not slut shaming; saying please write the sex and romance parts better).
You can do this, Diplomat. I believe in you. So please believe in me, in your audience, and clean this shit the fuck up next season, or I won’t be back, and I might not be the only one walking out on you.
I guess we’ll see where we go from here. Let’s hope it’s up, not down.
If you know anything about me, you know I am the biggest fan of Ms. Selina Kyle (even named my fur baby after her, as you can see) and so I was delighted to be with my two cohorts to discuss the tales and tails of Catwoman throughout the years on ConTinual’s Comics Lair. Please enjoy!
https://www.facebook.com/nancy.northcott.1/videos/677740851745478?idorvanity=563373290941914
We recently had a wonderful release party for the Spacefunk anthology, so now it’s time to celebrate with an excerpt from my story, “We Come in Peace.”
Space is the Place! Over forty stories and poems by some of the best African/African Diaspora authors and poets from around the world. In Spacefunk you’ll experience amazing stories of action, adventure, hope, and escape among the stars, highlighted by the amazing cover art of South African artist Tlou Thapelo Tubz Ramatlhodi!
With stories by Linda Addison, Eugen Bacon, Maurice Broaddus, Jessica Cage, Gerald L. Coleman, Nicole Givens Kurtz, Kyoko M, Sumiko Saulson, Wole Talabi, Sheree Renee Thomas, and many more!
In my story, Captain Rosa Conroy is leading an expedition on a newly discovered planet that might be a good replacement for Earth, but there’s just one problem: the region they want to explore has sentient alien life, and the Captain’s superiors order her to raid the natives’ home. Captain Conroy is at odds with her orders to clear out the natives’ land and it lands her and her expedition right into trouble.
Face front, True Believers! Can you believe that we are only two weeks away from the Captain America: The Shield of Sam Wilson short story anthology?! What a rush! Wanna know what’s even more of a rush?
WHEN MARVEL COMICS USES YOUR EXCERPT AS THE ONE FOR THE OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT.
No, really.
They picked me.
._.
Eep.
I’m honored, humbled, and shocked to share this official Marvel/Titan Books excerpt with you for my story, “Lost Cause.” It’s about Sam and SHIELD receiving word that someone plans to break Brock “Crossbones” Rumlow out of the prison transport bus as they take him from the prison The R.A.F.T to ADX Colorado supermax prison, a prison from which no one has ever escaped. Sam is joined by Redwing, his faithful falcon, Nick Fury, and the prison guards aboard keeping Crossbones in line.
I can’t wait for you all to read our incredible stories! You can pre-order now in Kindle/Nook, hardcover, or audiobook. It’s very likely they will release it in paperback within a year, so be on the lookout!
As a Black man in America, Sam Wilson knows he has to be twice as good to get half as much credit. He must be a paragon of virtue for a nation that has mixed feelings towards him. In these thirteen brand-new stories, the all-new Captain America must thwart an insurrectionist plot, travel back in time, foil a racist conspiracy, and save the world over and over again.
As the Falcon, Sam Wilson was the first African American super hero in mainstream comic books. Sam’s trials and tribulations reflect the struggles many Black Americans go through today, as Sam balances fighting supervillains and saving the world with the difficulties of being the first Black Captain America. This action-packed anthology inspired by the Marvel comic book universe, will see Sam team up with familiar friends like Steve Rogers, Redwing and Nomad, while fighting HYDRA, Sabretooth, Kingpin, and other infamous villains.
These are stories of death-defying courage, Black love and self-discovery. These are the stories of a super hero learning what it means to be a symbol. These are the stories of Sam Wilson.
There are times that I find myself confused as an elder god millennial, and guys, I have to admit that I am highly confused by the bizarre film that I saw a couple of weekends ago in theaters.
By now, Red One has a reputation, and it should. It is one of the most baffling misfires that I’ve seen personally in a long time, and frankly, we haven’t seen a misfire on this scale since about Madame Web. Now, granted, we have still had some movies fail that didn’t expect to fail after the actors/writers strike of last year, but Red One is a slam dunk that somehow was the most pathetically lazy showing of The Rock’s career, which is saying something considering– *points to his last at least 7 films* So I decided this movie would be a great subject for a highly confused Cautionary Tale segment. I mean, at least this time I’m not angry? Yay?
Just in case you haven’t heard, Red One is a Christmas action-adventure film (or it’s supposed to be one) that stars The Rock (and no, I will NEVER call him Dwayne Johnson even though I know this man wants me to call him Dwayne Johnson; I’m a millennial and we hate change, so I’m gonna call him The Rock until I die.), Chris Evans, Lucy Liu, and JK Simmons along with a couple familiar faces like Nick Kroll and that big-headed girl from the Sabrina Netflix remake (whom I personally know as the snotty little BD Merrill from Feud: Bette and Joan, amusingly enough.) It originally was gonna be a Netflix movie, but for reasons I have yet to fathom, they released it in theaters (though most likely, the bloated budget made them have to try for theater money despite this movie being so low effort it could only have been made by Netflix). And by the way, that is a longer conversation America desperately needs to have with every single studio and streaming channel. We need to talk about the fact that we’ve had several films in the last few years that should’ve been streaming (Abigail, 65, Cocaine Bear) instead of released in theaters in order to be moderately successful, and then we’ve had some movies that SHOULD have been released in theaters but weren’t (both Extraction films as well as Prey aka that Predator movie with the Comanche warriors). I think Red One is just an entry in a long list of streaming and theater films in which nobody at all understood the assignment. Somehow.
I say somehow because seriously, who messes up “The Rock and Chris Evans save Christmas”?
Well, sadly, Red One figured out how.
Before I dive into the mess, I’ll give you a short version of the story itself. Odds are you skipped this movie and for good reason, but let me make the following disclaimer: I in no way hate this film nor do I think it’s a bad film. It’s just aggressively fucking lazy. And I’ll be honest—I have no proof but I also think this was an AI-generated script. I’ll explain below, but for now, spoilers for the events of Red One.
In Red One, Santa Claus (JK Simmons) and pretty much most mythological creatures are real, but they naturally just hide from the modern world at large under the umbrella of a global off the books type of outfit that maintains public safety and maintains these magical creatures. Santa Claus’ bodyguard, Cal Drift (The Rock), is handing in his resignation letter after 500 years of service. Why? Oh, he has good reason—everyone sucks now. Just so much. This is basically the only part of the movie they got right—Cal’s cynicism is ungodly accurate, and I say that as a former retail worker of almost 10 fucking years. I also say that as someone forced to delivery groceries for extra money. Everyone fucking sucks, and even though I know this movie was filmed between 2022 and 2023 and had no idea the results of the election, it’s also now painfully timely that Cal notes that every adult in the world is a sack of shit and he’s tired of providing for them knowing they all suck. Santa is saddened, but accepts his resignation, but quite literally ONE SCENE LATER, Santa is kidnapped. Cal and his people note that a suspicious activity clue links to a guy named Jack O’Malley (Chris Evans), who is allegedly the best tracker in the world. They interrogate him and find out all he did was locate Christmas Town, but he has no idea who hired him nor does he have any other clues, so they resolve to use him as a link to investigate and save Santa before he’s either killed or there is no Christmas that year for them.
Now, again, on paper, that sounds fine. Just a cut and dry buddy cop format—a stoic bodyguard forced to work with a cynical thief, gambler, and deadbeat dad, to save Christmas. Again, winning formula, and I have no complaints about the premise.
The problem is this movie absolutely bungles every single part of it.
And I mean…every. Single. Part. Of. It.
And frankly? I’m not sure why.
So what doesn’t work about it, you ask? Well, since I’ve had a few weeks to think it over, I’ve boiled it down to a few issues. I’m not aware if anyone involved in the film has explained anything about its production or its poor box office performance, so this is just my own musings, nothing backed up by an interview or a quote.
First off, it was a mistake to pick this role for Chris Evans. Not that Chris Evans couldn’t do it. Chris Evans has more than shown us he has incredible range as an actor, and I genuinely mean that. He has shown us he can do serious work, comedic work, action, romance, and every genre in between. He’s not let himself get pigeonholed like he did in the early 2000s where he was kinda just “that hot guy in mediocre movies” until he got his big break with Captain America and has been kicking ass on the silver screen ever since. And that’s part of my massive disappointment here. I love Chris Evans to death. The man gives great hugs and he’s uber talented. The problem is that Red One was probably made by the same fucking AI-generator as Red Notice, that utterly lame and forgettable big budget Netflix film with, who else: The Rock, Ryan Reynolds, and Gal Gadot. These movies are painfully similar in premise and execution, but the difference is that while Red Notice sucked ass, Ryan Reynolds was GENUINELY trying to be funny, and he was successful half of the time. Even though that movie sucks, Reynolds was able to claw his way out of that terrible script and found just a handful of funny moments to help us get through it.
And sadly, Chris Evans ain’t get that chance here. Boy, did he not.
Pretty much every single thing out of his mouth in this film is a cliché of some sort, whether it’s an old cliché or a new one. I cannot identify a single original thought anywhere in this film, and that’s insane considering Evans has wonderful comedic timing. I mean that—not just scripts. If you’re a fan, you know very well that Chris Evans is a big fat fucking goober in real life. He’s silly and insecure and sweet and just an all around fun person, so it makes no sense to me that Jack O’Malley is such a generic character that not even Evans’ natural fucking charm could make the character work. He has nothing to do. It’s just a miscasting of titanic proportions, not because he’s not right for a buddy cop movie with the Rock; it’s that they made this character so bland that even his performance couldn’t make it better. It’s a lot like how Disney totally misused him in Lightyear by making the “real” Buzz a dull, generic character. It’s just so generic he might as well be a talking bowl of oatmeal. There’s nothing for him to bite into at all, and that just makes me so sad because they had to have told him not to improv to make the movie funnier and they must have told The Rock the same thing. And boy, was that a mistake.
Second off, it was a mistake to pick this performance for The Rock. Now, I’m not stupid. The Rock is not a good actor; the Rock is an entertaining actor. By about Jumanji II time, the Rock figured out his career. He knows that he can do exactly two things in every movie: be a stoic guy or be his actual personality, which is a funny, charming, witty guy with a big heart. And that’s literally okay. I can name several actors and actresses that play the same role 1000x because we like it and it’s fine. (Ex. Bruce Willis is the same dude in everything and none of us care ‘cause he’s FUCKIN’ COOL) But deciding to make Chris Evans the mouthy one and the Rock the Straight Man? MIIIIIIIIIIIIISTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE! It was PAINFUL. Watching The Rock do his Straight Man bit after I’ve seen him do great comedic work like Be Cool (shut up, I love that movie, and it’s way better than Get Shorty COME AT ME SCRUBLORDS I AM RIPPED) or The Rundown made me sigh. Look, I get it. You can’t have two mouthy main leads or you end up with that horrible Predator sequel that had Key in it (I shit you not, the entire film was nothing but comedic sidekicks except they were all main leads; it is even worse than you think it is), but at the same time, this was NOT the time to make The Rock do his Straight Man routine. Cal is having a crisis of conscience; not his own, but that he thinks every adult is a POS and he doesn’t want to make them happy anymore. And I’m not saying we needed him to be quippy and sarcastic. He has no personality. He’s just Tough Guy ™. We learn NOTHING about him. We don’t know how he got the job, what kind of entity he is (we know he’s not human since he’s worked for Nick for 500 years and he’s also very fast and strong, does more than a human can do), how long he’ll live for, how long he’s already lived for, how he got to work for Santa, just NOTHING! A big bowl of nothing! And I think it’s because someone told the AI “do not have a single scene of exposition” and it listened. We needed to know more but because the film’s focus is on these over-done action sequences (that by the way, look fake as shit and they need to fire that SFX company), almost nothing about Cal’s arc feels satisfying by the end. It was the wrong call to ask him not to insert his natural charm into the movie, same as Evans’, and the film suffers massively for it.
Third of all…and I can’t believe I’m about to say this about a fucking Christmas movie…it’s too goddamn serious. I mean it. All of the advertising made this film look like a funny, tongue in cheek romp. Well, guess what? You get there, sit down, and the movie proceeds to take itself as seriously as Leon: The Professional for a whole sixty percent of the story. WHO ASKED FOR THAT?! Did the trailer’s editor just think he had to sell the movie to us this way or we wouldn’t go? It’s a complete 180 from what was advertised to us, so not only are you sitting through dry, cliché dialogue, the movie can’t even brighten up with a joke for more than half of its running time. It is a decision that still baffles me to this very day. I’m not saying every Christmas movie needs to be a comedy and not have serious moments. I’m just saying this shit was borderline false advertising. I kept throwing my hands up as I sat in the theater because every five minutes, the movie would act like it was a serious affair and I should care about these people even though it gave me no reason to care about them. The movie is so tone deaf and it has no idea what the mood is from scene to scene. It can’t focus worth a damn on its own message.
Fourth of all, the “no exposition” rule crippled the film. Not only do they not explain what the mythical entity agency is and does, they don’t explain fuckall about anything else in the movie. They must have been told no exposition because they don’t even do it in spots where we actually need it. Again, I get it. Nobody likes exposition dumps, and yes, you as a modern screenwriter should be finding clever ways to fill the audience in without dumping it, but not doing it at all is fucking dumb. Why? Because it means your audience has no idea what the stakes are and what can or cannot be done inside of your magic system. The reason you set up rules and limitations is so when we encounter a problem, we don’t immediately assume it can be resolved no problem with magic. Hell, it was one of the leading issues with the Harry Potter books—so many people pointed out plotholes that neither JK nor the story wanted to explain away with magic. Here, we don’t know what Cal can and cannot do or if he can even die or what his abilities are and the exposition would have made that clear. Same as how there is a huge plot hole in the third act where Jack and his son quite literally luck their way out of a problem. And the lack of exposition also made the villain’s defeat confusing as hell (i.e. If touching the globes made her go into one, did she never pick one up after they were made? Did it only work because she fell into hundreds of them? If she has one nice moment with another person, is it going to easily let her out? COME ON MOVIE ANSWER ME.) There are just too many scenes where I had a question that the movie should have already answered, but didn’t possibly due to some kind of anti-exposition edict.
Fifth of all, JK Simmons and Lucy Liu were completely underused, and they were part of why I even went to the film. JK Simmons has more than proven that like Chris Evans, he has a ton of range, so making him an AND credit sucked big time. Lucy Liu is barely given time too, only being their handler and getting one damn fight scene. Ugh. What a stupid decision. I’d much rather watch them than another CGI-soaked soundstage action scene.
Sixth and finally, the dialogue very much reads like (1) it was AI generated and (2) someone was gonna go back through the draft to punch up the jokes, but ran out of time and never did. I mean it. There are so many moments in the film where it looks like the script says “insert funny line here later” and it makes everything feel so stilted and unnatural as a result. The characters say things no one in their right mind would say; again, why I think it was written by AI. It’s just constant clichés said without a wink or a nod or anything at all. Even the “save Christmas” scene that is supposed to be funny is instead very, very awkward and unnatural. I laughed three times in a two hour movie, people. And the people around me weren’t really laughing much either. It’s just so lazy. It has nothing to say. The characters might as well be walking around jabbering like those Sims characters.
So what can we learn from Red One shitting the bed?
AI should not be writing your damn script. Yeah, I get it, it’s easy and it’s free, but screw you if you want to be a writer and you’re using AI to do the entire thing. It should be a jumping off point or a resource for ideas, not the apparatus with which you make art that you expect to be paid for. Do the damn work and stop relying on AI theft to put your screenplay together.
Know how to cast your movie accordingly. I really think The Rock and Chris Evans could have been so fun together had this not been a lazy, lifeless script too concerned with action and lack of exposition. They should have asked them both to improv here or there to get the dialogue more natural-sounding and to punch up the simple plot. I hope they someday decide to team up again in a much better film; the chemistry is there, but the film just didn’t use it. This script is so generic you could put anyone in those roles and it wouldn’t be any more appealing.
Pick a consistent tone between your film and the trailers. I’m still mad about how serious a movie about saving Christmas had to be. It’s just so needless. If this movie had been as campy as the trailer, we could’ve hit a homerun. Pretty much all the action and camp are in the trailer; the rest of the film is painfully serious, which makes no sense considering it’s also so generic and bland. To be fair, this problem is also not unique to Red One. Hollywood in general needs to stop editing trailers to be misleading and should be fined when they do it, if you ask me. If you made a serious movie, then make a serious trailer. If you made a silly movie, then make a silly trailer. It’s not hard, okay? Just get specific so you attract the right person to the right movie. If you don’t, the wrong person sees it and blasts you on social media and through Word of Mouth, which costs you money.
Don’t rely completely on your casting and make sure you’re still delivering a satisfying story. I can tell they thought this up before The Rock’s career started to decline, which it did around 2020 and around the time Black Adam bombed. By the time they were filming, he’d done a ton of damage to his career by picking shitty films and then getting a reputation for being egotistical and unprofessional. I’m personally hurt to hear that as I’d been rooting for him since after The Rundown, but unfortunately, he’s been spiraling and he took this movie down with him in some ways. The public has been disinterested in him since Black Adam and Chris Evans’ post Captain America career, while fine, hasn’t been headliner movies, so his popularity wasn’t enough to put butts in seats for $15 a person.
Know the difference between a streaming quality movie and a theater quality movie. Covid changed how we see movies. Some people learned patience and are fine with a movie coming to home release sooner since they no longer want to risk covid just for entertainment. These studios need to start paying better attention to their content. It should’ve stayed a streaming movie. I’m mad I spent the money on something so generic and I’m probably not the only one. The people are showing you what they consider worth a trip to the theater. For example, Moana 2 opened very well at the box office and that’s a smart move by Disney, especially since she was coming up on her 10 year anniversary in 2026. Red One should have stayed on Netflix given its lazy writing and lackluster effects, but it didn’t, so now it’s also a box office bomb and critically panned. If it had simply been streaming only, sure, we’d have pointed out all this same stuff, but we also would be less harsh because it meant we didn’t pay $15-30 to see it. Seeing a lousy movie for free or streaming price versus theater prices is now a thing. You better make a good movie or we will get on social media and blast your ass apart. They need to look at these reviews and pay attention to why it didn’t perform despite all the A list stars attached and the simple but likable premise.
If anything, I just hope they learn that there are only so many lazy films that will turn a profit. You have to stop being so lazy and bother to care about story and character, especially now that people have so many options for entertainment. Star power isn’t everything. It’s just a piece of the pie. So y’all better learn how to bake better or you’re gonna go out of business.
Like most people, I don’t fucking appreciate it when someone wastes my time.
To preface this Cautionary Tale episode, I will say that I am among the minority in terms of how I feel about the Marvel Cinematic Universe. I disagree with people that claim everything went downhill after Avengers: Endgame. I in fact vehemently disagree. I think the company itself has had issues with quality control for certain– *stares motherfuckerly at Ant Man 2, Loki seasons 1 and 2, Thor 4, Doctor Strange 2, and Secret Invasion* –but I don’t think they’re hacks and I don’t think everything after Phase 3 was crap. I think they simply lost the thread and need to get back on track for consistently good material instead of this wild variation between good and crap.
Well, I can say with full confidence that if they ever make another show as bad as Agatha All Along, then the people who hate the MCU are going to have a lot of future material to complain about. And I might join them at that point.
For those who don’t know, I’ll do a brief recap of the premise of what led us up to the “story” in Agatha All Along. From this point forward, I will be spoiling the events of WandaVision and Agatha All Along as well as Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness, so if you’re behind on those works, you may want to come back after you’ve seen them.
In WandaVision, Wanda basically snapped after finding out the government took Vision’s body after he was murdered in Infinity War and were essentially trying to reconstruct him. They were unsuccessful, to a point, so she now has confirmation the love of her life is gone forever. She was crushed to come back to life after Endgame and find him gone forever, and in her grief, she created a Hex that created an alternate reality that trapped a very small town of people inside her delusional fantasy in which Vision was alive and well and she had twin boys and a picturesque life that was modeled after her favorite sitcoms growing up. Over the course of the show, she eventually becomes cognizant of what she’s done and she finally resolves to undo it all. She destroys the Hex and returns all the citizens to their normal lives except for Agatha Harkness, who turned out to be an evil witch that got close to try and steal Wanda’s powers. They have a fight and Wanda curses Agatha to not remember who she is and instead lets her live a pretend life in Westview. The events of Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness then occur and then this show picks up sometime after that has already gone down.
Agatha All Along picks up with Agatha still under Wanda’s spell, but a boy named Teen breaks her out of it and asks her to take him to The Witches’ Road. The Witches’ Road is a mythical alternate reality or dimension in which you are tested by several trials and if you get through them all alive, you will win the prize, which is anything that you desire, sort of like a wish at the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. In the MCU, Agatha Harkness has been rumored to be the only witch that ever made it to the end of The Road, but she was bound by Wanda and can’t use her powers, so she agrees to take Teen on the road so she can get her powers back, but they have to gather a coven first to summon it. They recruit a few other witches and the summon the Road, but they also have the Salem 7, a coven of witches that hate Agatha, and Rio, a psychotic killer witch that also hates Agatha, on their heels. They have to pass every trial alive in order to get what each of them seeks at the end.
Now, that sounds fine, right? A little convoluted, but fine. So why is Agatha All Along the subject of yet another blog post of Cautionary Tales from me?
Because I fucking hate it when a work of fiction wastes my fucking time.
Prior to the final two episodes of Agatha All Along, I was actually enjoying myself. It was nothing groundbreaking, but it held my attention and had an interesting cast. In particular, I felt Ellie and Lily were by far the best acted and written characters in the small coven. They were competent and layered characters who directly contributed to passing some of the trials on The Road. Over the course of the trials, they both die trying to save someone: Ellie dies trying to save Agatha, who absorbs her power and kills her, and Lily dies killing the Salem 7 when they come after them. It was immensely sad to see them go, but they both were fantastic characters with meaty roles, so I accepted it.
And then the last two fucking episodes happened.
To spoil, Agatha, Rio, and Teen—who turns out to be the soul of Wanda’s son Billy inhabiting a new body after the person died right when the Hex closed—have a showdown and Agatha finally lets Rio, who it turns out is really Death, kill her at last, sparing Billy’s life since they made a deal that one of them had to die. Agatha comes back as a ghost and Billy then realizes The Road was not real. Instead, what Agatha did back when she was alive in the 1700s is make up the Road to lure unsuspecting witches and steal their power and murder them all so she can have all their powers. She killed thousands of witches for centuries with this stupid fucking con. When Billy came to her, his reality warping powers that Wanda had basically made The Road real without him knowing it.
Anyone with half a brain should now be able to tell why the hell I’m so fucking angry.
The entire show was POINTLESS.
Ellie and Lily died…for nothing.
Not only did they die for nothing…they died to advance the fucking story of a fucking white woman who is a fucking mass murderer.
And the show proceeds to reward Agatha for this by letting her come back as a ghost, meanwhile the two of them had to die and go to the afterlife.
Oh, and the only black witch? She got no backstory while everyone else there got a backstory.
Again, no one reading this should be surprised that the ending of this show ENRAGED me.
How. Dare. You.
How dare you make a twist that not only trivializes the deaths of two minorities over a white woman who is a mass murderer, but how dare you then do it JUST TO DO IT. The twist does not enhance anything. All it does is subvert your expectations in an incredibly negative way. Instead of tying together ANYTHING in the previous episodes, the final two episodes of Agatha All Along take an interesting story about power, death, and the ambiguous nature of seeking power and turns into a cheap, knockoff M. Night Shymalan production.
I fiercely argue this is not an opinion, too. This is bad writing.
Do you want proof?
Fine. Here are ALL the things that have NO fucking payoff from this series with the “twist” ending that the fucking Road was never real and only Billy made it real:
-Jen’s character arc is completely unfinished. Choosing not to show us her backstory, how she was bound, why she wants power, how she survived through the centuries without it, completely makes this an Aborted Arc. Jen living at the end of the show doesn’t mean shit. You don’t get to go “oh, well, maybe if this show does well, she’ll get a spinoff and we’ll finish her arc then.” NO. If you introduced her arc and you did not finish it in this work, you have FAILED as a writer. That is not how this works. I don’t care that this is an episodic thing. You introduce it, then you fucking tie it off.
-The Salem 7 were built up as sooooo scary and contributed NOTHING to the story. They never fight them, they never trap them, and no one ever explains who they are and why only NOW they somehow found Agatha again when she’s been around in the MCU for God knows how fucking long. They die in an anticlimax after a beautiful sacrifice by Lily. Why in God’s name did you bother to even put them in? They serve NO purpose! They never catch them or hurt them or do anything at all!
-Sharon Davis, the cutesy neighbor, again, died because Agatha dragged her along to avoid having to bring Rio with them. Why was she here? She dies just to die! Why was she included at all? She adds nothing to the story and there is no payoff and her death doesn’t even affect the coven. And Rio ended up on the fucking journey anyway, so it was a waste of time and a waste of that actress’ talent considering she shows up twice and dies and it has no effect on anything.
-Lily’s sacrifice meant nothing. She died saving a woman who killed thousands of witches for her own selfish gain and who was such a low down dirty sack of shit that she taught her own fucking son to help her murder people. Why would you take this interesting, layered character and sacrifice her for a mass murderer? What about that is satisfying? What about that is meaningful?
-Ellie’s sacrifice meant nothing. She died saving a woman who killed thousands of witches for her own selfish gain. Again, why? What does that say about this fucking story that she had to die so some evil piece of shit could keep fucking people over for her own gain?
-The story starts and ends at the exact…same…fucking…place. The ENTIRE ordeal that resulted in the deaths of two innocent fucking women did not affect anything. The only thing it changed is Billy can now access his powers and wants to find Tommy. Agatha is dead, but a ghost and still alive to fuck people over, so the entire motherfucking eight hours of my life have been wasted on a story in which only TWO things have changed since it happened.
-Billy gets mad at Agatha after discovering The Road was just a con and tries to banish her, but then inexplicably he’s fine with being a murderer ONE conversation after he just tried to banish her. WHAT CHANGED!? What changed about Agatha murdering thousands of witches and you just killed two people with your magic for no reason? Why would you EVER think you wanted Agatha around after watching her admit to being a mass murderer? Why would you EVER think she could help you? Nothing she’s done has indicated she will be of any use and chances are great all she’ll do is find a way to come back to life and steal your power. It makes no sense that Billy is fine with having killed Ellie and Lily and is now besties with Agatha again after she abandoned him and just happened to have second thoughts. It was the worst attempt at a redemption arc that I have ever seen in my life. It is a pathetic, nonsensical showing of bad writing and I will die mad because I know this entire fandom ate it right up.
Many people in my life have heard my rant about what I call White Heifer Syndrome, and Agatha All Along is no different from that argument. Once again, a major studio has written a story in which a white woman fucks over hundreds of people and does not suffer the direct consequences of what she’s done, and her actions fucked over people of color in particular and that is why I am this angry at this show. I am sick and tired of watching white women in fiction fuck over hundreds of people and be treated like they’re a girlboss. Agatha Harkness is a fucking monster and I was FINE WITH IT when the show was treating her like a monster. Then the show proceeds to ignore Jen and give us Agatha’s “boo fuckity hoo” backstory and act like this literal mass murderer should garner my sympathy. Because you know, having a tragic backstory makes it all okay. All those dead witches, don’t worry about it! Feel sorry for poor, poor Agatha and her dead kid! It’s just the most crushing thing ever, isn’t it?
So what can we learn from this unmitigated fucking disaster?
Fuck twist endings. Yeah, I said. Fuck ‘em. I have completely reached a point of not wanting any major studio to handle a twist ending ever again. Stop making a twist just to make a twist. Subverting expectations only works when it is service to the story and the characters. If you do it just to avoid us predicting the outcome, you’ve insulted everyone’s intelligence and wasted their time.
Stop glorifying mass murderers and then trying to justify their behavior with a tragic backstory. A dead kid is no fun for anyone, but I am not about to excuse this empty ass bitch for slaughtering thousands to get more power all because boo hoo, your son is dead. Go to therapy, you jackass. If you’re gonna be evil, then be evil and shut the hell up about your pain because nobody cares. Like Rocket Racoon once said, everybody’s got dead people. It doesn’t give you the right to get everyone around you killed and then walk away from it with a smile, acting like you deserve anything other than misery. Stop asking the audience to treat white mass murderers like pop stars. Just stop it.
Stop killing women of color to advance a white woman’s story and then glorifying said white woman as if she somehow deserves their sacrifices. Women of color are not your fucking stepping stone. We are not your tools. We are not your Magical Negroes who advance white stories and then promptly fucking die for our trouble. Make these white women earn their keep themselves and stop forcing women of color onto their knees so white women can stand on their backs and declare themselves girlbosses. Hold these awful characters accountable and let women of color have agency of their own.
If you introduce a concept or a character, then you need to tie that off by the end of the work or you need directly address how it’ll be resolved in a future work. I don’t give a damn that Jen lived through the ordeal and got her powers back and may appear in the future. There was NO reason to focus an entire episode on Agatha being a mass murderer and shoving Jen aside when the other characters all got to have their backstories explored. Don’t think I didn’t notice the only black character got shafted, and don’t think I didn’t notice she’s a brown-skinned black woman at that and was fucked over by this story. I am not going to keep showing up to any property that cannot treat women across the board the same in terms of importance. This show was an utter disservice to these actresses and just served to glorify a woman who in no way deserves anything but hatred.
Marvel Cinematic Universe, I want nothing more than to keep loving you as I have over the last twenty years, but if THIS is the best that you can do…
You might be the next Cautionary Tale.
Get it the fuck together, MCU.
Signed,
An Angry Fangirl Named Kyoko
Everyone, I am pleased to announce that an upcoming romantic comedy and life experiences book will be hitting shelves soon from an associate of mine, C.R. Burnett! Read below for more details!
Ghost Protocol: Dating In The New Millennium delves deep into the realms of ghosting, online dating, and the ever-elusive search for true love. Ms. Burnett’s empathetic approach to the subject matter allows readers to relate to the struggles and triumphs of the characters, offering valuable insights and advice for navigating the turbulent waters of modern romance.
With her unparalleled ability to capture the essence of our time, C.R. Burnett emerges as a visionary voice within the realm of relationship literature. Her debut short story collection promises to be an indispensable guide for anyone traversing the dating landscape of the new millennium, providing both solace and inspiration in equal measure.
Release date: November 23rd, 2024
Book Trailer: https://youtu.be/hLEk_TieZZw
About the Author:
C.R. Burnett is an emerging author who has brought forth a captivating insight into the intricacies of modern-day dating with her inaugural book, Ghost Protocol: Dating In The New Millennium. With a unique perspective and a knack for understanding the complexities of human relationships, Ms. Burnett masterfully navigates the ever-evolving world of romance in this thought-provoking and engaging read.
As an author, Ms. Burnett’s writing style seamlessly blends humor, wit, and astute observations, creating a literary experience that leaves readers both entertained and enlightened. Through her compelling storytelling, she sheds light on the challenges faced by contemporary individuals seeking connection in an era marked by technological advancements and societal shifts.
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I sat down with Ms. Burnett for an interview that I’d love to share with you!
When did you start to write and what drove you to write this book?
I began writing at a very young age—just three years old—when I first mimicked the words in the letters my father sent to my mother when he was in the Air Force and stationed abroad. This early exposure to the written word sparked a lifelong passion for writing. I was inspired to write Ghost Protocol: Dating in the New Millennium based on my own experiences and those of others as we navigated the complexities of attempting to form genuine relationships in a digital age. As online dating became the new norm, I witnessed firsthand the challenges and often awkward moments that come with trying to connect with others in this evolving landscape. This book aims to explore those experiences and offer insight into finding meaningful connections in a world increasingly defined by technology.
What can you tell us about the book?
Ghost Protocol: Dating in the New Millennium delves into the complexities of forming genuine relationships in an era where access to anyone, anywhere, paradoxically leads to greater disconnection. It explores various relationship types, including friendships, romantic connections, and family dynamics, highlighting the breakdown of communication in our interactions with each other. Drawing from both personal anecdotes and the experiences of others, it uncovers the challenges and awkward moments of navigating relationships in general while seeking to provide insights for fostering meaningful connections in real life in this increasingly digital world.
Tell us more about yourself. What’s your background?
Well, I was born on an Air Force Base in Kansas, lived in quite a few states due to my father’s enlistment, and once he completed his duty, we settled in Nashville, TN where I grew up and call home. I graduated from high school and college in Kansas, where my parents are both originally from. I’ve always had a passion for storytelling, which first emerged in grade school when I began writing short stories featuring my friends and me as heroines in supernatural adventures. This love for writing continued into junior high, where I served as an editor for the school newspaper, honing my skills in crafting engaging narratives. In high school, I turned to poetry as a way to process my experiences and emotions, and I contributed to a poetry review publication that deepened my appreciation for the art form.
I pursued a Bachelor of Arts in English Creative Writing at Kansas State University, followed by a Master’s in the same field from Southern New Hampshire University. It was during my graduate studies that I began working on my book as a capstone project, culminating in my graduation in 2017. Since then, I have also had the privilege of teaching English at the college level, where I share my love for literature and writing with my students.
What made you decide to write about the perils of modern dating?
You know, if I had a dollar for every crazy conversation screenshot that I’ve collected over the years, I could probably fund a small indie film about modern dating! I’m saving them for the revival of my Woke Girls Don’t Date podcast. Seriously, it’s astonishing how decorum seems to have taken a back seat in today’s online interactions.
What really drove me to write about the perils of modern dating is how vastly different it feels now compared to the 80s and 90s. Back then, dating had a certain simplicity and sincerity that seems lost today. Now, with the internet providing both a shield for people to hide behind and an overwhelming number of options, it feels like many people are reluctant to truly commit, fearing they might miss out on something—or someone—better. It also seems like everyone is afraid of being who they truly are for fear of being either judged or rejected. These paradoxes complicate connections, making the pursuit of anything genuine and meaningful feel much more daunting than I remember from my single days before marriage.
Do you have any other ideas you’d like to write someday?
One writing project that I am focusing on next is completing my novel, Snow Falls on Darkness, which I’ve been developing for quite some time. The story is loosely based on my real-life experience of surviving a relationship with a narcissist who became dangerous after I discovered his infidelity and broke up with him. It delves into the complexities of relationships, the importance of female friendships, and how longevity doesn’t always equate to loyalty. The narrative highlights an unexpected bond formed between women from different backgrounds—an African American female lead and a white woman seeking help to escape her toxic marriage to that same man. It’s a story I believe needs to be told, and I hope it resonates with many. You can find the prologue to the story at http://snowfallsondarkness.blogspot.com.
In addition to completing my next novel, I’m fleshing out a book of poetry and another novel I started some time ago that’s tentatively titled The Marilyn Monroe Syndrome. This story follows a woman into her golden years who explores the idea of having multiple men in her life for various purposes (most of them nonsexual), reflecting on Ms. Monroe’s belief that no one man can fulfil all the qualities a woman seeks to have in a successful relationship with a man. I’m particularly looking forward to interviewing a vibrant 80+ year-old woman in North Carolina who has lived this dynamic since the passing of her second husband; I can’t wait to learn about her insights on this intriguing concept!
Which series or films do you think people who would like your book watch? Is your book similar to something they’d already recognize?
While there isn’t a specific series, film, or book that closely resembles Ghost Protocol: Dating in the New Millennium, I believe readers who enjoy relatable narratives about everyday life and relationships will appreciate my work. I intentionally steer clear of stereotypes and the typical overdone African American tropes; instead, my characters are just like you and me, facing universal struggles such as communication and connection. This focus on authentic experiences makes the story relatable to a diverse audience, allowing them to see themselves in the characters’ journeys.
You currently reside in Dallas, TX. Did that have any influence on what you wrote in the book?
While I believe the experiences highlighted in Ghost Protocol: Dating in the New Millennium are universal themes, Atlanta, Georgia, serves as the backdrop for the stories in this book. It’s often stated that Atlanta has a notably imbalanced ratio of eligible women to men especially in the African American community, which adds a unique context to the narratives of my stories. From ghosting to catfishing, this book delves into the ups and downs of relationships in the digital age, offering insights and perspectives that I hope will resonate with readers everywhere, including those in Dallas, TX and beyond.
What made you choose the title Ghost Protocol: Dating in the New Millenium?
I chose the title Ghost Protocol: Dating in the New Millennium because it perfectly captures that Urban Dictionary definition of ghosting — “when a person is seen as not being fully present in their dealings and communications with other people.” It’s like everyone’s playing hide and seek, but without the seeking part! The term “protocol” adds a dash of humor to this deliberate process of avoiding conflict and communication, like we’re all part of an unwritten rulebook on how to disappear. I think I just invented a new diagnosis — Ghost Protocol Syndrome! Haha! It is both fascinating and frustrating how in a world where we have more ways to connect than ever, we often end up feeling more disconnected. It’s like we’ve got smartphones but lack the heart-signal strength for a true connection!
Which other writers and books do you enjoy?
I have a deep love for many great African American authors that I studied in college and continue to read, such as Toni Morrison, Alice Walker, Maya Angelou, Zora Neale Hurston, James Baldwin, and Frederick Douglass — there are so many more! I also enjoy works by Neale Donald Walsch, Richard Bach, Dan Brown, Robert Ludlum, Dean Koontz, Stephen King, and J.K. Rowling. I’m drawn to stories and ideas that open the mind to new possibilities and perspectives, especially unique character journeys that break the mold, as well as narratives rooted in reality, such as the mysteries throughout humanity’s history that leave you questioning their truth and the conspiracies surrounding them.
Interested in more? This book will be available on November 23rd, 2024 in e-book and paperback! Stay tuned for the pre-order link, plus a chance to win prizes!