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Cautionary Tale: Agatha All Along

Like most people, I don’t fucking appreciate it when someone wastes my time.

To preface this Cautionary Tale episode, I will say that I am among the minority in terms of how I feel about the Marvel Cinematic Universe. I disagree with people that claim everything went downhill after Avengers: Endgame. I in fact vehemently disagree. I think the company itself has had issues with quality control for certain– *stares motherfuckerly at Ant Man 2, Loki seasons 1 and 2, Thor 4, Doctor Strange 2, and Secret Invasion* –but I don’t think they’re hacks and I don’t think everything after Phase 3 was crap. I think they simply lost the thread and need to get back on track for consistently good material instead of this wild variation between good and crap.

Well, I can say with full confidence that if they ever make another show as bad as Agatha All Along, then the people who hate the MCU are going to have a lot of future material to complain about. And I might join them at that point.

For those who don’t know, I’ll do a brief recap of the premise of what led us up to the “story” in Agatha All Along. From this point forward, I will be spoiling the events of WandaVision and Agatha All Along as well as Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness, so if you’re behind on those works, you may want to come back after you’ve seen them.

In WandaVision, Wanda basically snapped after finding out the government took Vision’s body after he was murdered in Infinity War and were essentially trying to reconstruct him. They were unsuccessful, to a point, so she now has confirmation the love of her life is gone forever. She was crushed to come back to life after Endgame and find him gone forever, and in her grief, she created a Hex that created an alternate reality that trapped a very small town of people inside her delusional fantasy in which Vision was alive and well and she had twin boys and a picturesque life that was modeled after her favorite sitcoms growing up. Over the course of the show, she eventually becomes cognizant of what she’s done and she finally resolves to undo it all. She destroys the Hex and returns all the citizens to their normal lives except for Agatha Harkness, who turned out to be an evil witch that got close to try and steal Wanda’s powers. They have a fight and Wanda curses Agatha to not remember who she is and instead lets her live a pretend life in Westview. The events of Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness then occur and then this show picks up sometime after that has already gone down.

Agatha All Along picks up with Agatha still under Wanda’s spell, but a boy named Teen breaks her out of it and asks her to take him to The Witches’ Road. The Witches’ Road is a mythical alternate reality or dimension in which you are tested by several trials and if you get through them all alive, you will win the prize, which is anything that you desire, sort of like a wish at the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. In the MCU, Agatha Harkness has been rumored to be the only witch that ever made it to the end of The Road, but she was bound by Wanda and can’t use her powers, so she agrees to take Teen on the road so she can get her powers back, but they have to gather a coven first to summon it. They recruit a few other witches and the summon the Road, but they also have the Salem 7, a coven of witches that hate Agatha, and Rio, a psychotic killer witch that also hates Agatha, on their heels. They have to pass every trial alive in order to get what each of them seeks at the end.

Now, that sounds fine, right? A little convoluted, but fine. So why is Agatha All Along the subject of yet another blog post of Cautionary Tales from me?

Because I fucking hate it when a work of fiction wastes my fucking time.

Prior to the final two episodes of Agatha All Along, I was actually enjoying myself. It was nothing groundbreaking, but it held my attention and had an interesting cast. In particular, I felt Ellie and Lily were by far the best acted and written characters in the small coven. They were competent and layered characters who directly contributed to passing some of the trials on The Road. Over the course of the trials, they both die trying to save someone: Ellie dies trying to save Agatha, who absorbs her power and kills her, and Lily dies killing the Salem 7 when they come after them. It was immensely sad to see them go, but they both were fantastic characters with meaty roles, so I accepted it.

And then the last two fucking episodes happened.

To spoil, Agatha, Rio, and Teen—who turns out to be the soul of Wanda’s son Billy inhabiting a new body after the person died right when the Hex closed—have a showdown and Agatha finally lets Rio, who it turns out is really Death, kill her at last, sparing Billy’s life since they made a deal that one of them had to die. Agatha comes back as a ghost and Billy then realizes The Road was not real. Instead, what Agatha did back when she was alive in the 1700s is make up the Road to lure unsuspecting witches and steal their power and murder them all so she can have all their powers. She killed thousands of witches for centuries with this stupid fucking con. When Billy came to her, his reality warping powers that Wanda had basically made The Road real without him knowing it.

Anyone with half a brain should now be able to tell why the hell I’m so fucking angry.

The entire show was POINTLESS.

Ellie and Lily died…for nothing.

Not only did they die for nothing…they died to advance the fucking story of a fucking white woman who is a fucking mass murderer.

And the show proceeds to reward Agatha for this by letting her come back as a ghost, meanwhile the two of them had to die and go to the afterlife.

Oh, and the only black witch? She got no backstory while everyone else there got a backstory.

Again, no one reading this should be surprised that the ending of this show ENRAGED me.

How. Dare. You.

How dare you make a twist that not only trivializes the deaths of two minorities over a white woman who is a mass murderer, but how dare you then do it JUST TO DO IT. The twist does not enhance anything. All it does is subvert your expectations in an incredibly negative way. Instead of tying together ANYTHING in the previous episodes, the final two episodes of Agatha All Along take an interesting story about power, death, and the ambiguous nature of seeking power and turns into a cheap, knockoff M. Night Shymalan production.

I fiercely argue this is not an opinion, too. This is bad writing.

Do you want proof?

Fine. Here are ALL the things that have NO fucking payoff from this series with the “twist” ending that the fucking Road was never real and only Billy made it real:

-Jen’s character arc is completely unfinished. Choosing not to show us her backstory, how she was bound, why she wants power, how she survived through the centuries without it, completely makes this an Aborted Arc. Jen living at the end of the show doesn’t mean shit. You don’t get to go “oh, well, maybe if this show does well, she’ll get a spinoff and we’ll finish her arc then.” NO. If you introduced her arc and you did not finish it in this work, you have FAILED as a writer. That is not how this works. I don’t care that this is an episodic thing. You introduce it, then you fucking tie it off.

-The Salem 7 were built up as sooooo scary and contributed NOTHING to the story. They never fight them, they never trap them, and no one ever explains who they are and why only NOW they somehow found Agatha again when she’s been around in the MCU for God knows how fucking long. They die in an anticlimax after a beautiful sacrifice by Lily. Why in God’s name did you bother to even put them in? They serve NO purpose! They never catch them or hurt them or do anything at all!

-Sharon Davis, the cutesy neighbor, again, died because Agatha dragged her along to avoid having to bring Rio with them. Why was she here? She dies just to die! Why was she included at all? She adds nothing to the story and there is no payoff and her death doesn’t even affect the coven. And Rio ended up on the fucking journey anyway, so it was a waste of time and a waste of that actress’ talent considering she shows up twice and dies and it has no effect on anything.

-Lily’s sacrifice meant nothing. She died saving a woman who killed thousands of witches for her own selfish gain and who was such a low down dirty sack of shit that she taught her own fucking son to help her murder people. Why would you take this interesting, layered character and sacrifice her for a mass murderer? What about that is satisfying? What about that is meaningful?

-Ellie’s sacrifice meant nothing. She died saving a woman who killed thousands of witches for her own selfish gain. Again, why? What does that say about this fucking story that she had to die so some evil piece of shit could keep fucking people over for her own gain?

-The story starts and ends at the exact…same…fucking…place. The ENTIRE ordeal that resulted in the deaths of two innocent fucking women did not affect anything. The only thing it changed is Billy can now access his powers and wants to find Tommy. Agatha is dead, but a ghost and still alive to fuck people over, so the entire motherfucking eight hours of my life have been wasted on a story in which only TWO things have changed since it happened.

-Billy gets mad at Agatha after discovering The Road was just a con and tries to banish her, but then inexplicably he’s fine with being a murderer ONE conversation after he just tried to banish her. WHAT CHANGED!? What changed about Agatha murdering thousands of witches and you just killed two people with your magic for no reason? Why would you EVER think you wanted Agatha around after watching her admit to being a mass murderer? Why would you EVER think she could help you? Nothing she’s done has indicated she will be of any use and chances are great all she’ll do is find a way to come back to life and steal your power. It makes no sense that Billy is fine with having killed Ellie and Lily and is now besties with Agatha again after she abandoned him and just happened to have second thoughts. It was the worst attempt at a redemption arc that I have ever seen in my life. It is a pathetic, nonsensical showing of bad writing and I will die mad because I know this entire fandom ate it right up.

Many people in my life have heard my rant about what I call White Heifer Syndrome, and Agatha All Along is no different from that argument. Once again, a major studio has written a story in which a white woman fucks over hundreds of people and does not suffer the direct consequences of what she’s done, and her actions fucked over people of color in particular and that is why I am this angry at this show. I am sick and tired of watching white women in fiction fuck over hundreds of people and be treated like they’re a girlboss. Agatha Harkness is a fucking monster and I was FINE WITH IT when the show was treating her like a monster. Then the show proceeds to ignore Jen and give us Agatha’s “boo fuckity hoo” backstory and act like this literal mass murderer should garner my sympathy. Because you know, having a tragic backstory makes it all okay. All those dead witches, don’t worry about it! Feel sorry for poor, poor Agatha and her dead kid! It’s just the most crushing thing ever, isn’t it?

So what can we learn from this unmitigated fucking disaster?

Fuck twist endings. Yeah, I said. Fuck ‘em. I have completely reached a point of not wanting any major studio to handle a twist ending ever again. Stop making a twist just to make a twist. Subverting expectations only works when it is service to the story and the characters. If you do it just to avoid us predicting the outcome, you’ve insulted everyone’s intelligence and wasted their time.

Stop glorifying mass murderers and then trying to justify their behavior with a tragic backstory. A dead kid is no fun for anyone, but I am not about to excuse this empty ass bitch for slaughtering thousands to get more power all because boo hoo, your son is dead. Go to therapy, you jackass. If you’re gonna be evil, then be evil and shut the hell up about your pain because nobody cares. Like Rocket Racoon once said, everybody’s got dead people. It doesn’t give you the right to get everyone around you killed and then walk away from it with a smile, acting like you deserve anything other than misery. Stop asking the audience to treat white mass murderers like pop stars. Just stop it.

Stop killing women of color to advance a white woman’s story and then glorifying said white woman as if she somehow deserves their sacrifices. Women of color are not your fucking stepping stone. We are not your tools. We are not your Magical Negroes who advance white stories and then promptly fucking die for our trouble. Make these white women earn their keep themselves and stop forcing women of color onto their knees so white women can stand on their backs and declare themselves girlbosses. Hold these awful characters accountable and let women of color have agency of their own.

If you introduce a concept or a character, then you need to tie that off by the end of the work or you need directly address how it’ll be resolved in a future work. I don’t give a damn that Jen lived through the ordeal and got her powers back and may appear in the future. There was NO reason to focus an entire episode on Agatha being a mass murderer and shoving Jen aside when the other characters all got to have their backstories explored. Don’t think I didn’t notice the only black character got shafted, and don’t think I didn’t notice she’s a brown-skinned black woman at that and was fucked over by this story. I am not going to keep showing up to any property that cannot treat women across the board the same in terms of importance. This show was an utter disservice to these actresses and just served to glorify a woman who in no way deserves anything but hatred.

Marvel Cinematic Universe, I want nothing more than to keep loving you as I have over the last twenty years, but if THIS is the best that you can do…

You might be the next Cautionary Tale.

Get it the fuck together, MCU.

Signed,

An Angry Fangirl Named Kyoko

Comics Lair ConTinual Panel: Across the Spider-Verse

Come join me and other geeks talking about one of the best comic book movies in recent history, Across the Spider-Verse! All hail Burrito Peter!

Captain America: The Shield of Sam Wilson anthology by Marvel Comics and Titan Books

The time has come for me to make the biggest announcement of 2023: I have a short story in the upcoming anthology, Captain America: The Shield of Sam Wilson! Take a look at that cover and tell me if you see anyone familiar…

This wonderful anthology will be hitting bookshelves January 14th, 2025. Description and pre-order link below.

The new Captain America has a big shield to carry. Is he up to the task? In these short stories inspired by the Marvel comic book universe, Sam Wilson takes up the shield and proves his mettle.

Sam Wilson has a heavy shield to lift as the new Captain America. Read an action-packed anthology of stories about Sam Wilson. Inspired by the Marvel comic book universe, the stories will see Sam prove he is ready to carry the shield as he faces Skrulls, Sabretooth, Kingpin, and other infamous villains.

A revolutionary anthology of stories written by authors of African Heritage and inspired by the Marvel Comics universe. Slated to take part are several noted, award-winning authors including bestselling author Kyoko M., fantasy author L.L. McKinney, crime writer Gary Phillips, sci-fi author Sheree Renée Thomas, comics creator Alex Simmons, horror and mystery writer Nicole Givens Kurtz, and many more. Edited by Jesse J. Holland, distinguished visiting scholar in residence at the U. S. Library of Congress who edited the Marvel anthology Black Panther: Tales of Wakanda and wrote the novelization of the graphic novel Black Panther: Who Is the Black Panther?, which was nominated for the NAACP Image Award for outstanding Literary Work.

Pre-order it on your Kindle or in hardcover!

Cautionary Tale: Loki (2021)

Glorious purpose indeed.

Well, it’s happened again. A work of fiction had a strong start and then devolved into lousy material.

First off, obviously, spoilers for the Loki 2021 series as well as the general MCU films and shows up to now. You’ve been warned.

To give you some background, I actually wasn’t a Loki fan until far later in the game. I paid him no mind in the first Thor, enjoyed him in Avengers, and then slowly over the time between Thor: The Dark World and Ragnarok, Loki slithered his way into my heart. It’s not as if I think he’s the best character in the MCU or anything, but I adore him. He’s a shitlord. He’s so extra. He’s the embodiment of chaos. He managed to charm me and make me care about him, even becoming a sort of anchor character for me in my fanfiction writing sessions. Naturally, I was quite excited when they announced he’d been given a spinoff series after the events of Avengers: Endgame. I wanted to see Tom Hiddleston continue to shine in the role, even if it was just going to be for a brief extra story for us to enjoy.

And that’s how it started off.

Episodes 1 & 2 of Loki (2021) contain the content that I’d hoped for. We got to see Loki at the end of his rope, but in a different sense than his fate in Infinity War. He was thrown into an organization he knew nothing about and without his powers. He had to figure out how to survive without any hope of outside help, which we know he’s done before. It gave us some nice introspective moments, showed us he was human, showed us vulnerable bits to his character. We also got to see plenty of his faults and shortcomings, all of which was fun and interesting.

And then Sylvie showed up.

And as soon as she did, my enjoyment of the show pretty much evaporated.

ICYMI, Sylvie is a Loki variant who was caught by the Time Variance Authority at a young age, but she managed to (easily, so easily it was insulting) escape and hide in apocalypses her entire life plotting how to destroy the TVA for kidnapping her and removing her from her own timeline. Now, granted, on paper, that backstory is okay-ish, but Sylvie is my newest entry on the exhaustingly long list of fictional characters who suffer from what I call White Bitch Syndrome.

Now, I still plan to write a full essay on White Bitch Syndrome, but let me do a short definition here. White Bitch Syndrome is when a female character—and most of the time, she is white and blonde—in a work of fiction is given undeserved credit and disrupts the dynamic of whatever work of fiction she is in, causing negative consequences for those around her but never having to suffer those same consequences herself. To me, she is almost a subversion of a Mary Sue. She takes valuable screentime away from other far more interesting and well-written characters and does all of it with a sense of entitlement that makes me want to pull my hair out.

And that’s exactly what Sylvie is.

I cannot fathom what made the writing team for Loki decide that they should give 60% of Loki’s screentime to this snotty, entitled, obnoxious Loki variant. As soon as episode three hits, she completely co-ops Loki’s show to make it all about her.

And here’s the kicker: she’s not even interesting.

It’s a bait-and-switch. I came here for Loki (or Tom Hiddleston, depends on who you ask) and what did you do? You found the world’s most irritating white woman and gave her his show. This isn’t why I came here. At all. So not only did you give me something I don’t want, you didn’t bother to make her likable or even just interesting in general. The rules of writing, at least in my mind, are to make main protagonists in a work either likable or interesting. Sylvie is neither. She is such a borderline Mary Sue. She’s stronger, smarter, more powerful than everyone around her, she constantly shoots her mouth off to disparage Loki and the other characters, she thinks she’s better than everyone and the writing of the show seems to agree, and she makes EVERYTHING about her every second she’s on screen. It’s insufferable.

But that’s not the worst part.

What truly broke me was episode 4. I had to put up with this snotty character, fine, okay, as long as maybe I get some good Loki content with what little screentime he has left after she’s sucked it all up. No. It had to get worse. The show then states—after only one and a half episodes of interactions—that Loki has a crush on Sylvie/is attached to her.

Seriously?

He’s known her for like five minutes.

What the hell do you mean he likes her?

This element of Loki (2021) is what switched me from disliking it to outright hating it. Anyone who knows me knows that I hate it when fiction generates attachment between two characters without doing the leg work first. There are few things I hate as much as when characters barely interact and then the fiction states that now they’re in love or best friends or care about each other when there is little evidence in the work itself. Loki and Sylvie spent the entire third episode hating one another. The dynamic comes across like a brother and sister who can’t stand each other being stuck in the same place, having to make nice. Then the show just decides Loki is into her, despite no evidence, despite limited screen time, despite Sylvie showing no regard or concern for him at all. It comes across as the show telling us “this is a thing because I said so.”

And that’s not good enough.

Look, I know I’m biased. I’m attached to Loki and I don’t like blonde white women in fiction because of repeated instances of White Bitch Syndrome. But this isn’t jealousy. This is lousy writing. It is lousy of them to stuff this character into the narrative to take the focus away from Loki and it’s lousy of them to have Loki inexplicably have some sort of attachment to her when the evidence points to the opposite. He should simply be using her to get what he wants, but instead they have him following after her like a helpless puppy because her Super Special Awesome Powers are so much better than his and he can’t do anything on his own. They took a show with a unique premise and made a hard left, instead making it a platform for “ooh, look at this cool white girl” instead of keeping the focus on Loki trying to survive the TVA and destroy it. Loki honestly had more chemistry and attachment to Valkyrie–who soundly beat his ass and later begrudgingly tolerated him because they needed to stop Hela–than with Sylvie. I would believe he was into Valkyrie before I’d ever believe he was into Sylvie.

For me in particular, this is unacceptable because it just feels like Sylvie is nothing more than a vehicle for the white fangirls to imagine themselves into Loki’s story. It’s no secret that Loki’s fandom is majority female and I imagine it’s largely white women. Sylvie is a transparent Audience Surrogate Mary Sue-adjacent character designed to make said fangirls feel like they have a personal connection to Loki. They can easily see themselves as Sylvie and it seems to be the only real reason she was written into the story. If she had been properly written, she would have just remained a tangential antagonist either getting in Loki’s way or preventing him from reaching whatever goal he has for himself. There was no reason to write a forced wannabe romance into the story. It’s so unearned and unnecessary.

Alright, so I’ve made my case for why Sylvie sucks. Let’s pretend for a moment that I didn’t hate her with the fire of a thousand suns. That’s not the show’s only problem. Another reason why Loki (2021) began to tank for me is that Loki has almost no agency after the end of the second episode. The second he starts following Sylvie around, the show seems to forget this is a thousand-year-old demigod with magical powers and a wealth of schemes and plans. Everything from episode 3 onward has Loki little more than a doofus who likes to run his mouth. We don’t get to see any of that calculating intelligence that made us love Loki in his previous films and appearances. He’s not doing anything. He’s just stumbling from one place to the next utterly failing and not affecting change nor the plot itself. I fear part of the problem is that the writing staff took too much from Thor: Ragnarok without understanding that the film, while a comedy, also knew how to write a balanced Loki. We know Loki is capable of making mistakes, but the ones he commits in this show are egregious. It’s not organic to the character. It feels as if they are trying to emulate Ragnarok without allowing Loki the same agency and behaviors that made him so lovable in the first place. Think about it. Loki tricked Thor into thinking he was dead and impersonated Odin convincingly (or so we’re assuming, since we don’t catch up to him until 2017, which is 4 years after Thor: The Dark World) for entire years without anyone catching him. He then lands on Sakaar after Hela attacks and manages to worm his way into the Grandmaster’s good graces in only a matter of weeks. Loki has been an effective antagonist and part time protagonist for several films, which is why he’s been so popular. I don’t understand why they have written him completely bumbling and ineffective in this series after the halfway point in the story. In Fish Out of Water stories, you still need to have the protagonist affecting change and making important decisions that affect the plot and develop them as characters. He’s not learning anything, he’s not changing, he’s not growing. He’s stuck in the passenger’s seat while Sylvie drives the car off the cliff.

Speaking of unearned nonsense, this whole “friendship” between Mobius and Loki also annoys me. It’s like I’m not watching the same show. When did they become “friends”? Do they not know what that means? Presumably, Mobius and Loki spent several hours together investigating the Loki variant and while I actually quite like their banter, they too were not with each other long enough to consider each other friends. I don’t like it when fiction drops the F-word (friend, of course) unwarranted and this is another example. Mobius and Loki were at most colleagues. They were only together for two and a half episodes and then for a short bit in episode 4. The show yet again did not do the leg work but then handed us this forced claim of friendship when they’ve really just been enemies temporarily on the same side. I do think aspects of the relationship work, just not enough for the show to claim that now they are magically friends. It’s less of an eyesore than the claim that Loki likes Sylvie, but it’s still poorly written and has little evidence to back it up.

Another aspect of the show that bothers the hell out of me is they introduce Hunter B-15 and Judge Renslayer as powerful, competent women…and then sideline them. Hunter B-15 becomes Sylvie’s lackey after Sylvie’s enchantment caused her to remember her life before the TVA erased her memory. Hunter B-15 was introduced to us in a spectacular fashion, bitchslapping Loki and being an incredible force to be reckoned with. I remember being so excited to see a dark-skinned black woman on the Loki posters, hoping for more representation, and yet they’ve done what too many shows and movies have done with black women—forced them to be in the shadow of their white counterparts. Judge Renslayer is even more of a letdown that B-15. She is introduced as smart and coldly calculating, but then Mary Sue Sylvie EASILY beats her in combat and she’s turned into a mugging, desperate mess instead of someone who was ruling an entire organization with an iron fist for God-knows how long. It was fine for Renslayer to be off-balance finding out the Timekeepers weren’t real. What wasn’t fine was a white blonde woman domineering over a black woman who previously held authority. Renslayer presided over the TVA…and that’s the best she can do? Stall, lie, and babble in front of Sylvie? It’s so painfully obvious that the show wants to keep kissing Sylvie’s ass and insisting she’s the most powerful Loki of all and they sacrificed any potential greatness for Renslayer as a result. I don’t mind Renslayer turning out to be bad; she wasn’t giving off any other impression in the first place. What I do mind is having this white woman just sling her around like it’s nothing when Renslayer should be far more effective than that considering she’s been the boss for presumably years and years. Why the hell was she leading the TVA if she can’t even handle this one variant?

This issue in particular burns me up because while Marvel has been doing a really good job introducing people of color into the lineup and giving them agency, there has also been this trend of what I like to call checkmark diversity. This is when shows or movies include POC in a work as supporting characters in order to check off the diversity box, but they’re not actually giving these POC much to do. They are constantly overshadowed by the white characters instead. The show gets to claim they’re progressive and diverse, but when you look at the POC’s storylines and interactions, you actually don’t end up with anything other than window dressing. I can tell you several different ideas I had for what would become of Hunter B-15 and Renslayer, but none of those came to fruition. The focus remained on the three central white characters: Loki, Sylvie, and Mobius. We know for a fact that the MCU can write excellent black characters like Sam Wilson, Monica Rambeau, and Luke Cage. It’s a damn shame to have two enjoyable black women on this show and they’re just there to fill in a checkbox. It’s especially sad since I’ve seen some behind the scenes bits with the actresses and Tom Hiddleston and they get along wonderfully. It’s truly adorable seeing some of their interactions, so for the show to have them both end up doormats to the white leads is an utter disappointment for me personally as a black fangirl.

At the time of this post, there is still the Loki finale to be watched. Honestly, though, I have no hopes for it any longer. I had hoped that with the plot of episode 5 being Loki in what is basically Purgatory with other versions of himself that we’d get the focus back on him and his desires, but no. Sylvie finds him in like 10 minutes of screentime and goes right to making everything about her, fulfilling her White Bitch Syndrome duties and securing herself as a Mary Sue-adjacent character. I’m tired. I will watch the finale, but I’m expecting it to be just as disappointing as it’s been since the halfway point in the series.

It hurts me to say these things. I’ve written a metric ton of Loki/MCU fanfiction. I truly enjoy his character. I cried like a baby when he died in Infinity War. I really like him, but this show stupidly managed to take from him rather than give him more things, ironically enough. It’s not yet to a point where I declare it Discontinuity, but I am unfortunately not going to be really be taking anything away from this series. I’m probably going to ignore it and go back to my Denial Land of fanfiction instead.

My final point is that Loki (2021) is a cautionary tale because of its utterly squandered potential. The show’s trailers promised lots of things that looked amazing, but then once you pull off the cloak, all you get is a snotty OC and a very diminished, borderline derivative version of Loki. I am far more satisfied with the canon timeline Loki than with this Loki variant, which is a shame. I’m not to a point that I wouldn’t recommend the show, but of the MCU shows, Loki is certainly the weakest. It doesn’t live up to what it promised because of the writers’ inexplicable decision to give away his screentime to an entitled bratty character with, and this is just personal taste, a substandard actress with a grating performance. The lesson to be learned from this is that you have to know what you’re going after when you set off on a side story. The overall consequences of Loki have yet to be seen, but the implication is that the timeline is going to be destabilized and will then set off the Multiverse of Madness that will be addressed in Spider-Man 3: No Way Home and in Doctor Strange: Multiverse of Madness. That being said, I don’t think this show is strong enough to warrant anyone other than die-hard Loki fans a watch. I am open to the thought that maybe the finale will redeem the show, but it’s doubtful based on the evidence I currently have. More than likely, it’s going to go out on a whimper and not a bang and the romantic red string the writers forced around Loki’s neck is going to strangle him same as Thanos did.

I hope I’m wrong.

But I’m probably not.

Here’s to the multiverse. At least it has a version of Loki that’s not a disappointment.

Con-Tinual Panel–Black Panther: Tales of Wakanda

Want to know more about the Black Panther: Tales of Wakanda anthology, featuring a story from yours truly? Watch the following Con-Tinual panel!

Black Panther: Tales of Wakanda Panel Discussion at Dillard University

Check out this panel I participated in with Dillard University discussing some of the authors behind Marvel Comics’ Black Panther: Tales of Wakanda anthology.

Interested in grabbing yourself a copy? Go here!

Marvel’s Black Panther: Tales of Wakanda Anthology

Yes, you’re reading this right. I wrote a short story for Marvel Comics.

And you should totally buy it. Release date is March 9th, 2021. Purchase here. I can’t wait for you guys to check it out, but in the meantime, please spread the word!

You can read more right here on the official IGN announcement.

Ace Comic Con 2018

I have done it, ladies and gentlemen. I have held the ever-coveted Tom Hiddleston in my arms.

And it was as glorious as it looks.

So funny story.

In August, I’d gotten bored at work and out of pure thirst curiosity, I Googled to see Tom Hiddleston’s remaining con appearances in 2018. Lo and behold, he was attending Ace Comic Con in Chicago, IL in October. I’d never been to Chicago and I have a friend who lives here and it was JUST enough time for me to save up some money to fly out for a three day weekend to meet the man I’ve been enamored with as of the last three or so years. And that’s exactly what I did. I bought a Saturday only ticket for my only 2018 “official” vacation to meet the utterly wonderful Tom Hiddleston.

Unfortunately, since I only found the con roughly two months out, all the autograph sessions were sold out, leaving only the photo op, but it’s not a huge deal and I love having photos snuggling awesome famous people anyway, as my followers know. I might be able to see him again someday in which I can say more than two things. As it stands, I probably would’ve ended up just giggling incessantly anyway if I’d have gotten an autograph from him today.

Anyone who is a veteran congoer knows that photo ops at MOST are ten seconds long. It’s simply because hundreds of fans show up and in order to cram all those photos within the time frame, it has to be that short. Therefore, I had to practice staying calm in the face of one of the most handsome bloody men I’ve ever met.

So here’s how it went down:

Me: *walks over to him and he puts one arm around me* Hi! Is it okay if we do a hug!

Hiddles: Sure!

**photo is taken**

Hiddles: That’s a beautiful dress, by the way!

Me: ^///////////////////////////////^ Thank you so much! You are phenomenal! Thank you! *scurries off*

Doesn’t that sound easy to say to him? Trust me, it wasn’t.

First off, Tom is tall af. I’m 5′8′’ and I was wearing 2 inch heels and he still sort of dwarfs me in this photo and I have A Whole Thing about tall men. They butter my egg roll something fierce.

Second off, he has the biggest, sunniest smile and it’s like staring into an eclipse. I was almost blindsided but his compliment of my dress–keep in mind, I BOUGHT THIS DRESS SPECIFICALLY FOR HIM AND HE COMPLIMENTED IT AND OMFG THIS IS EVERYTHING TO ME YOU GUYS–is actually what helped kick my dazed little brain into remembering to speak to him. My Chris Evans photo op was heavenly, but he was so goddamn handsome and that hug was so goddamn good (he rubbed the small of my back before he let me go and I almost fainted dead away in his arms) that I got tongue-tied and didn’t get to tell him anything aside from “thank you” as I wobbled away on weak knees. Tom, however, unknowingly helped me out by complimenting me and that’s so wonderful I can’t even express it.

Third off, wow, hearing his voice up close is…hnnnnngh. There are no words. It’s like silk. It’s like velvet. Hiddleston’s voice is just plain powerful, and I don’t know how anyone is able to act opposite the man. He said two things to me in just a normal tone of voice and I wanted to just melt.

Lastly, the hug was so light and gentle. He’s a good hugger. He was very comfortable next to me and I loved that big friendly grin. Generally, I don’t photograph well and his grin was so infectious that I think it’s why it turned out so great.

I’m on cloud fucking nine. I really am. 2018 has been a hard, miserable year for me and this was finally a lump sum of good karma. I’m going to be high off of this Chicago trip for months and I can mark the incomparable Mr. Hiddleston off my Bucket List. (Although I do have very loose plans to try to catch him again for an autograph; I really do think he is an incredible actor and I’d love to tell him in detail, but we’ll see what 2019 has in store for me.)

And yes, it’ll be weeks before I wipe this idiotic fucking grin off my face.

#SorryNotSorry

#TheHiddlesThirstIsReal

Kyo out.

Ode to Mariah Stokes Dillard

As someone who watches very little television these days for various reasons, it’s always a relief when a show I enjoy makes its return. Personally, I consider Luke Cage second only to Daredevil in the Marvel Netflix show lineup. It’s got vibrant characters, a unique perspective, and some of the best friggin’ music short of a Tarantino movie.

So far, it seems that the second season has had a mixed reception. I understand why. Like last season, Misty made me want to slam her beautiful head into a wall into she got some gorram common sense, and there were just too many moments of characters doing needlessly stupid things. However, one thing I feel that Luke Cage’s 2nd season absolutely nailed was Mariah. I had already passively liked her in the first season where she was a background villain whose actions nudge her into the evil spotlight, so to speak. While I certainly missed Cornell, I feel that Mariah did a far better job as the Arc Villain than Diamondback. Plus, she presented a rather rare role: a black, older woman in a position of power in the middle of a sci-fi/superhero setting. Older black women are often pigeonholed as wise, grandmotherly caretakers in these settings, but Mariah pretty much busted most of the stereotypes related to women before her. She was (mostly) competent, motivated, and surprisingly threatening. Absolutely no one is surprised Alfre Woodard did a phenomenal job—she has long been hailed as one of the best actresses out there, and it was an absolute thrill to see her play a villain. I think in honor of her taking a spot in the pantheon of comic book villains, I should take a moment to explain why I love to hate this bad bitch.

Naturally, spoilers for the first two seasons of Luke Cage.

In the first season, it’s clear that Mariah wants to achieve her goals by any means necessary, but by keeping her hands clean and letting Cornell do the dirty work. Unlike other villains in the same genre, like say freaking Thanos, I actually believe her when she says she wants to help Harlem. Now, granted, I do think her “help” for the community is just her helping herself. Mariah has quite the ego and she loves being seen. She loves being the all-powerful matron, not unlike Mama Mabel Stokes, ironically. Mariah makes it clear that she is high horse enough to side eye Cornell’s methods, but she certainly doesn’t mind profiting off what he does. I especially like that Shades recognizes the slumbering predator in her shortly after he continues observing their interactions. Was it some heavy foreshadowing? Yeah, sure, but it shows off how perceptive Shades happens to be, since almost everyone had been underestimating Mariah right from the get go.

Cornell’s death sequence is honestly pretty incredible. It’s well-shot and most people admit it caught them right off guard. We all pretty much knew Cornell’s hair-trigger temper would likely be the cause of his death, but for it to be delivered by the often overlooked Mariah definitely sealed it as an excellent turn of events. What’s more is Shades’ reaction to Cornell’s death, and how Mariah in spite of her shock is able to function afterward with his guidance. You can practically see the eager glee in Shades when he sees the natural affinity for violence and power after she kills Cornell. He knows she’s something special and if anyone is going to be able to both defeat Luke Cage and get him out from under Diamondback’s control, it’s her. He hitches his wagon to her and they both go on to set themselves atop the hill at Harlem’s Paradise.

I remember watching the final moments of season one of Luke Cage when Mariah stalked on over to Shades and kissed him. I remember my eyebrows going up and saying, “Ohohoho! What’s all this then?” It was an unlikely development that I ended up weirdly interested in. First off, it’s not often an older black woman, especially not in a comic book setting, shows interest in a Hispanic man more than ten years younger than her. Second off, Shades’ reaction to the kiss pretty much solidified that they were going to become my new evil OTP. He was positively giddy that she kissed him. He was shooting heart eyes at her as she walked out and it was bizarrely compelling to me. I remember hoping that this wasn’t just a one-off grateful kiss and that the two of them would become their own version of Bonnie and Clyde.

Lo and behold, season two kicked off with Shades and Mariah in an actively sexual, romantic relationship. Like everyone else, I cringed when that poor, foolish waiter called him her nephew. Yikes. Talk about disproportionate retribution. That being said, Alfre Woodard said in an interview that she was supposed to do something else in the script, but she had the sudden idea to suck Theo Rossi’s thumb and I couldn’t have cackled louder at the end result. It was flawless. The amount of evil sass in that one gesture, and the fact that Alfre is the one who thought it up, and the fact that the showrunners loved it so much they kept it, is just the best. To bring the point home, I think Shades and Mariah’s symbiotic relationship was honestly the strongest, most human aspect of the 2nd season. I know, that’s odd to say, but I mean it. The two of them seem as if on paper they wouldn’t work, and while the relationship did have a ticking time bomb on it, I like that what ends it isn’t one of them killing the other. It’s Mariah’s derailment from a cold, distant matron into the vicious nature of a gangster, one so cold-blooded that it’s arguable if even Cornell would have gone as far as she did against Bushmaster.

Now, I get why other people wouldn’t be on the ship like I am because it is pretty strange, but that’s perhaps why I ended up liking it so damn much. It’s quite rare that older black women are treated as still sexually desirable at sixty, or hell, even as early in life as their forties. I love that Mariah macked on Shades with zero shame, and vice versa. I like even more that she wasn’t doing it to manipulate him into doing what she wanted—she genuinely reciprocated the attraction and seemed to be having a damn good time as his paramour. It’s a beautiful statement not to completely write women off because of their age. Mariah, for the most part, remained classy with how she brought it to Shades, and he was crazy about her up until things fell apart. The two of them weren’t courting just to find a place to stab each other back. They got along. They trusted each other. But once Mariah went into a full tilt ruthless gangster, Shades couldn’t handle that level of cruelty after having to shoot Comanche and almost losing Mariah to Bushmaster on top of that. Their priorities naturally shifted. He realized there was still some shred of a soul left in him, and losing Comanche as well as the remaining heart of Mariah pushed him too far.

A lot of fans are apparently crying OOC for Shades breaking up with Mariah and I disagree. I felt it was the natural progression. Shades did explain what the difference between him killing Candace and Mariah slaughtering Bushmaster’s entire family: that Candace willingly accepting the bribe made her guilty and made her subject to the same rules of all criminals, man and woman alike. She made a conscious decision to accept the bribe and lie on Luke Cage, and to Shades, that meant she was open season. In his opinion, Mariah murdering Bushmaster’s family, and the method in which she did it, was just too inhuman. She saw it as retaliation for what she lost, but hell, Bushmaster (foolishly) gave her a small window of a chance to survive instead of burning alive and spared her daughter. Mariah didn’t hesitate to kill those people, and even though they were by no means completely innocent, it still was an incredibly messed up thing to do. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back. He’d already put too many shackles on his soul and he couldn’t bear another link, especially not from the woman he loved.

The reason I find Mariah so interesting is her will power. I think that she has strength to just survive the worst sorts of things anyone ever could. Even with her being a selfish, evil gangster, I find myself admiring how she made it as far as she did before the end. What’s more is that she wasn’t implacable or perfect or one dimensional. I consider the scene of her in the wreckage of her brownstone with Shades to be the best acted scene of the entire season, and possibly in the show’s entire run. I really loved how Alfre and Theo played off each other here. I love how their conversation starts out accusatory and then gets heated, and then Shades pulls her out of that downward spiral. It felt natural, effortless, and moving, in a messed up sort of way, mind you. Shades built her up in a moment of weakness and reminded her of who she was so that she could continue on as the badass he knew her to be.

I think what Mariah represents is something I hope that other comic book properties and fiction at large take into consideration. Marvel has recently been tapping into the true power of black women, to my utter delight, and I like that we’re seeing representation in the realm of evil as well as good. Same with Ghost in the recent Ant Man sequel, it’s very satisfying for me as a geeky black girl to see my sisters out there in popular media kicking ass and not just being stereotyped as baby mamas or “exotic” love interests. It’s about damn time, if you ask me. The image that will always stick in my mind for Mariah is Shades holding her face in his hands and emphatically telling her, “You are a queen.” For as short of a reign that she had, I certainly enjoyed the hell out of Mariah’s dark influence over Harlem. She had a sharp tongue and a sense of purpose that I will certainly miss next season.

Here’s to you, evil queen.

Cautionary Tale: Netflix’s Iron Fist

Man, it’s rough when an entertainment company you love breaks their winning streak.

Marvel’s been cranking out consistently good material both in the cinematic universe and in the television universe for years now, and I think maybe we all got so used to it that we forgot it’s possible to completely miss the mark. To me, that’s what their latest venture, Iron Fist, is in essence: a swing and a miss.

To be frank, I rage quit the pilot to Iron Fist twice. Keep in mind, I wasn’t one of the naysayers who hated it before it came out and I actually didn’t listen to the early negative reviews because I knew there were people who wanted to hate it right out of the gate and nothing was going to change their minds. I saw the trailer and felt underwhelmed, but with Marvel’s excellent track record, I was willing to give it a try. This is not to say that I haven’t had problems with a few Marvel properties before. For instance, I didn’t finish Jessica Jones—not because it wasn’t good, but rather because I was not the key demographic for that show. Being an urban fantasy author, I have seen the exact same archetype that Jessica Jones is about a million times and so I was already burned out on the “inexplicably attractive but perpetually rude and standoffish private detective with super special powers” trope long before the show came around. Plus, the pacing was too slow and I wasn’t a fan of the gratuitous sex scenes with the far superior character of Luke Cage.

So why did I rage quit Iron Fist?

In order to understand why I’ve included Iron Fist in the cautionary tales catalog on my blog, let’s take a look at just what made me quit watching the pilot twice in the same day. Let’s do a comparison between the first fifteen minutes of Daredevil, Luke Cage, and Iron Fist, and see if you can understand my utter frustration with this new show.

In the first fifteen minutes of Daredevil, here is what is established:

-How Matt Murdock lost his eyesight as a child and gained his powers saving an old man’s life

-Matt’s devout Catholicism and conflicted conscious because of how he misses his father and realizes how much they are alike in having “the devil” in them

-Matt goes down to the docks and stops a bunch a human traffickers from kidnapping innocent women

-Gives us that unforgettable opening sequence of blood over the city

-Introduces the unbelievably perfect Foggy Nelson and what he does for a living with Matt as well as the friend they have on the police force

-Introduces Karen Page and her predicament

-Introduces the dynamic between Karen, Matt, and Foggy

In the first fifteen minutes of Luke Cage, here is what is established:

-That funky, colorful opening sequence

-Introduces Pops and his shop members as well as Luke’s overall cool-as-a-cucumber-but-don’t-push-your-luck-fool attitude

-Introduces a minor character and her son who will impact the plot later on

-Establishes the relationship between Luke and Pops and hints at Luke’s powers

-Hints at Luke’s backstory and shows us his daily struggles to find rent money and his desire to stay under the radar even though he could do more if he wanted to

-Introduces Harlem’s Paradise as well as the first two main villains, Cottonmouth and Mariah

And in the first fifteen minutes of Iron Fist, here is what is established:

-A bland, forgettable afterthought of an opening sequence

-Danny thinks he owns a building

-Danny thinks people he knew over a decade ago still work at his father’s company

-Danny thinks he can talk to the CEO of a company with no appointment and zero proof that he is the founder’s son who was believed to have died in a plane crash a decade ago

-Danny thinks that two people he knew when he was a kid would recognize him as an adult and after he was presumed dead as a child

-Danny presumably has no money and no shoes and just sleeps in the park after meeting a bum who ends up not contributing to the narrative whatsoever

-Danny, still looking homeless, starts speaking Mandarin to the Asian girl hanging up dojo fliers

-Danny breaks into his old house and walks around like it’s not big deal

-Danny’s relationship with Ward is revealed as abusive

Do you see the stark difference between these shows? How is it that Daredevil and Luke Cage can establish that much story in a quarter of the runtime and yet Iron Fist establishes almost nothing in the same amount of time? This is exactly why I couldn’t get through Iron Fist’s pilot in one sitting. First of all, Danny is characterized like an entitled douchebag. We don’t know anything about him other than he’s woefully naïve and just assumes that everything will fall into place for him without concrete evidence towards his claims. We don’t know why he came back to the city or what his mission is, whereas with both of our other examples, we are quickly shown the character’s personalities and what they are working towards. All we know is that Danny thinks he owns the company, but yet we see no skillset that suggests he even could run it when he doesn’t even have the good sense to wear shoes while walking through New York or to find some kind of proof that he is in fact Danny Rand.

I’ve been describing Iron Fist’s script as “something that was written the night before it was due and was never revised.” Now that the whole show is up on Netflix, we’re starting to get stories that fill in why this show is falling flat on its face, such as the fact that Finn Jones, the titular Danny, only trained three weeks before shooting a show about martial arts. That’s unheard of. If you check the backgrounds of most actors who are cast as superheroes, they train for literal months at a time—not only so that they are physically intimidating, but so that the fight choreography is nuanced, believable, and a joy to watch. For example, one of my favorite modern fight scenes is Captain America (Chris Evans) versus Batroc (Georges St. Pierre) because Chris Evans trained for months to be able to do a majority of the shots in that amazing fight scene since he is in fact opposite a real UFC fighter. It is painfully obvious when Danny Rand fights that he isn’t a martial artist, and it would be different if it were like Daredevil when you have the complicated routines performed by an amazing stunt double. I didn’t make it past the pilot, but I’ve heard that Iron Fist’s fight choreography centered around Finn Jones is underwhelming at best, and it’s impossible not to make a comparison to either Daredevil or Luke Cage, which had intense fight scenes that were both unique and engrossing.

Furthermore, even if you forget the sloppy fighting, the dialogue is wooden and poorly done. Dialogue is about moving the plot forward, making complications between characters, or solving a problem, and none of that is included in the pilot episode of Iron Fist. It is so obvious that they are dumping exposition on your head. They don’t even try to hide it. Hell, the two main villains basically have a meeting where absolutely nothing gets done. They just meet to show the audience that they’re evil and in cahootz with each other. They don’t solve the problem at hand; they instead regurgitate rancid dialogue to establish their relationship.

Lastly, it also doesn’t help that Danny comes across as a pretentious college kid who spent one summer abroad and thinks he’s a dyed-in-the-wool Buddhist martial artist. He once again finds the Asian girl and starts condescendingly telling her that she should teach kung fu if she wants more students, mansplains that he’s supposed to “fight the master of the dojo” now that he has entered their city, and asserts that she should just give him a job even though he still looks like a crazy hobo. Understandably, she tells him to get lost, but it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth that he’s so arrogant. The troublesome part is that arrogance is a normal thing in certain heroes like Tony Stark or Thor, but even in those movies, we are immediately shown that both of them have a heart and are just spoiled rather than truly being douchebags. Danny doesn’t give us a moment of humanity in the pilot. He doesn’t give us a reason to care about him, and at the end of the day, if you don’t do that in the first episode of your show, odds are that you are doomed to fail.

In the end, even though I can’t fully judge the show since I won’t be finishing it, I think this is a product of Marvel rushing to put something out so that they have time to work on the Defenders instead. Danny Rand is an afterthought. This whole show feels like an afterthought. It doesn’t have a flavor. It doesn’t have the careful writing or beautiful cinematography of any of its siblings. If nothing else, then Iron Fist teaches us caution—that even when you’re on a winning streak you can still bomb out if you don’t take your time and tell a story worth telling. Even the mighty Marvel can trip and fall. No one is above that.

Let’s just hope they try harder with the upcoming Defenders show.