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Of Dawn and Embers Release Day

Cover art by BRoseDesignz

You know the drill, people. It’s out. Go read it. Spread the word.

Plus, enter to win a $20 Amazon giftcard as we kick off day one of the blog tour. Thanks to everyone who pre-ordered! Remember, today is the last day to purchase it for .99 cents. It will go up to $4.99 tomorrow.

Hindsight is 20/20: My Fifth Year in Self Publishing

“What’s it like being a self-published author?”

Five years. Holy shit, you guys. Didn’t think I’d ever be able to say I survived this long in this brutal, cut-throat career path. I’m just as surprised as you are to still be here, trucking along, trying to survive.

2017, in my honest opinion, was almost as bad as 2016 aka the year the Darkest Timeline started, and the only reason I say that is that because 2016 set the precedent that we’re all screwed until the end of humanity, by comparison, at least I was ready to get my ass kicked all up and down 2017. I’m just about as battered and exhausted as I’ve ever been after making it through another rough year. But there’s often a rainbow behind the thunderstorm, so it wasn’t the worst every single moment of the year.

As far as my personal life goes, 2017 was good to me in terms of vacations. I got to spend a week running around Los Angeles for the first time ever as an adult for my own personal Treat Yo-self excursion. I had an absolute blast. It might be my favorite vacation I’ve ever taken so far. Even though I totally hate Dragon*Con, they lured me in again with the promise of my husband Nathan Fillion, and meeting him was nothing short of amazing, as well as the incomparable Ming Na Wen, Steve Blum, and Michael Rosenbaum. It was an unforgettable weekend and I smile every single time I look at any of the photo ops or autographs I got from those amazing actors.

Back to Black hit bookshelves in 2017 and did moderately well sales-wise, thus proving that readers are still interested in Jordan Amador’s wacky adventures, even without our lovely archangel Michael in the picture. It also has a soft spot in my heart simply because I adore how the cover turned out (huge thanks to Brose Designz—please check out her work; it’s all gorgeous). I also sheepishly admit it was fun to dive back into the dynamic between Jordan and Belial, and I’ve heard from a few of the readers that he’s honestly a favorite of theirs. I don’t blame them. He’s such a compelling bastard. I always muse that Betty Hutton’s “He’s a Demon, He’s a Devil, He’s a Doll” is a perfect description of him.

I also re-designed the cover for Of Cinder and Bone, and was met with a massive improvement in sales. I lament that I didn’t find Brose Designz earlier. I could have saved myself the trouble of re-branding, but to be fair, I searched long and hard and couldn’t find any dragon covers I could afford the first time around. If you’ve never seen OCAB in paperback, I suggest you give it a consideration: it looks absolutely freaking beautiful in book form. The ebook cover doesn’t do it justice. I can happily say the same for Of Blood and Ashes too.

Lastly, OCAB became a permanently free title in December of 2017. I fully admit it hurt my soul to do that for a book with such a hefty word count and one that was easily one of the hardest novels for me to complete, but you’ve got to be willing to make sacrifices for the greater good as an indie author. After all, the marketing strategy with a free first-in-series gets results even at the expense of my time and considerable effort, which is a good Segway into what I’ve learned this past year.

Write what you love and you’ll find yourself surprised at the results. So I published OCAB back in December 2016, so all of 2017 was basically an enormous learning experience. I was extremely nervous about publishing this novel simply because it’s very niche concept-wise. I started out in the urban fantasy/paranormal romance genre, and while some readers tend to read both sci-fi and fantasy, I knew there wouldn’t be as much overlap as any known author would have since I’m just an indie author. It went quite slow at first, to be honest, but then it slowly began to pick up consistent sales. What’s more is that while not all of the people who read The Black Parade read OCAB, I found that there was indeed a market for this concept despite how odd it sounds off-hand. One thing I truly find myself surprised with is that people don’t mind as much that the story is about chasing after the dragon rather than being about dragons in general, and that they are in fact drawn into Jack and Kamala’s friendship and eventual romance, and those were two of my biggest worries when I decided to publish it. I sheepishly admit the book is indeed too long—that’s the most common complaint in all the reviews I’ve received, positive or negative, and don’t worry, I intend to rectify the length once I’m back on my feet money-wise—but the reactions I’ve gotten have been better than I expected. I worried that OCAB was a three-star book, and people are generally telling me it’s a four-star book consistently. That’s an amazing thing to hear since I thought it would under-perform in comparison to The Black Parade, which I am slightly more “known” for. It shows that expanding your horizons isn’t always going to be a bad thing and that’s it’s quite easy to underestimate yourself as an author, and to underestimate the readers too. I wrote OCAB because it was fun and it was something I felt passionately about, and for different reasons than the Black Parade series, and it seems as if that’s what is drawing new readers to it.

Be discerning about who you allow to have your time, effort, and content. I have to be a bit vague about this lesson so as not to invite unwanted attention to myself, but should any young authors start looking into the boxed set style of marketing with other authors, please do enough research beforehand to see who you’re getting in bed with. Sometimes results may vary. Sometimes you find out people have bad reputations behind the scenes and it’s too late to do anything but ride it out. It’s hard to see that sort of thing from the surface should you receive an offer or be interested in submitting a book to a set, but I recommend that you do some Googling and check KBoards forums before making that commitment. All I’ll say is that I’ve been dissatisfied with the sets I entered into in 2017 and you honestly won’t have to worry about seeing me post about sets for a long damn time.

Find your flock. I may or may not have stolen this from the tagline of the movie Storks. (Which, by the way, is currently on HBO and if you’re a twenty or thirty-something, you have got to watch that movie. It’s absolutely amazing.) Although it cost way too much money and was a pain in the ass, returning to my hometown of Atlanta was a good move for me because it put me back in contact with local authors, colleagues, and friends. I’ve been able to attend a handful of author events ever since I moved back, and while none of them are anything huge, it’s been great to rub elbows with like-minded folks. We get to discuss relevant topics that the fandoms and readers and world at large doesn’t always find the time to talk about and we’re able to keep each other grounded and motivated. I always recommend for new authors to try to connect with people in their genre or even in their area since it’s nice to chit-chat about the business with someone who gets it. I fully believe that the key to reaching the next level as an author lies in getting Word of Mouth generate. Sadly, if you’re a small fry indie author as well as an introvert, it’s hard to accomplish that goal, but it is possible. One step at a time, I am working towards getting myself out there, meeting new people, and finding those who might be interested in my work.

To quote a catchy tune, “We’ve got a lot of work to do!” and 2018 is half over. I’m happy to say that I am currently penning the third novel in the OCAB series, Of Dawn and Embers, and that you’ll have more news from me in the fall regarding the plot synopsis and release date. Be patient with me, my darlings. I’m so glad you’re still on this raggedy train with me and I hope to see you for the next ride.

Is Loki Evil?

Is Loki evil?

Doesn’t that sound like such a simple question?

I mean, I could have answered that question quite easily back when we only had two movies to base the evidence on: Thor and the Avengers. Now that we’re at a total of five performances by the lovely Tom Hiddleston, I find myself struggling with evidence for and against this simple little question. It’s sort of made me consider that maybe the idea of good and evil isn’t as clean-cut as I once thought. I’m no stranger to grey area, but Loki has made me examine my own definition of evil now that we’ve gotten a complete scope of who he is as a character over the course of the Thor and MCU franchise. I thought it would be fun to muse over the question and see if I can draw an actual conclusion, or if I’ll remain undecided on the issue.

Naturally, major spoilers for every single film Loki has been in.

Evidence supporting evil:

  • Arranging Thor’s banishment: Loki of course made the excuse that he was simply trying to stall Thor being crowned King of Asgard as “a bit of fun” and because he believes Thor is a buffoon. He egged his brother on to go after the Frost Giants, knowing Odin would blame Thor and cast him out, leaving the throne to eventually fall to him. Gee, what a nice thing to do to someone who was raised alongside you and shows clear signs of having loved you since the moment you met each other, Loki. You ass-hat.
  • Plotting Odin’s assassination: Now we get into some tricky territory. Loki planned to secure himself as the hero and savior of Asgard by letting the Frost Giants into Asgard to slay his father and then killing Laufey in a double cross. It then gave him an excuse to wipe out the Frost Giants, thereby erasing his past and whatever feelings of guilt and inadequacy that their existence created in him. He also murdered his own damn father with zero remorse, and while I can agree that I can see why since Laufey appears to be nothing more than a monster who left him to die, it’s still incredibly messed up.
  • Killing Thor: Yep. There’s no if, ands, or buts about it—Loki tried to kill his brother, innocent people, and Thor’s comrades to keep himself on the throne. He didn’t even seem remorseful about it either.
  • Attempting genocide on the Frost Giants: This also speaks for itself. The reasoning here doesn’t hold water, either. Loki found out he wasn’t Odin’s son by blood and it twisted up inside him until it completely warped his view on his upbringing. Therefore, to him, eliminating the Frost Giants out of revenge for being abandoned and finding out he’s just a monster who looks like a prince made sense. Out of sight, out of mind. Still, even though the Frost Giants didn’t appear to be anything similar to good, decent beings, there is no excuse for genocide. Loki had no right to kill them all based on the actions of Laufey and Odin.
  • Trying to kill Thor a second time on the Rainbow Bridge: This is a particular sting to me because Thor so clearly didn’t want to hurt Loki, and certainly didn’t want to kill him. One thing that tears me up about Loki’s selfish, cruel nature is what it does to Thor. Nothing pisses me off more than the fangirls trying to say that any of this shit is Thor’s fault. We never see Thor treat Loki wrong. At most, sure, he talked over him and has probably embarrassed him in the past, but there is no abuse shown in their background. Thor loves his brother to death. Truly, selflessly. It’s so tragic that Thor loves him unconditionally considering what happens next in their joined narrative. At the end of the day, Thor just wants his brother back. He doesn’t care about Loki being a Frost Giant. He wanted to fight by his side and laugh and do all the dumb things brothers do. So Loki trying to kill him twice in the same film where we see how much Thor’s family means to him is just a big fat gut-stabbing to the feels.
  • Pretty much everything Loki does in The Avengers: the strongest argument for Loki being evil is largely here, in my opinion. I mean, we have blatant murder, mind control, plotting to have the mind-controlled Clint murder Natasha, at least two direct attempts to kill Thor, trying to kill all the Avengers as well as everyone aboard the helicarrier, killing Agent Coulson in cold blood, and then blowing up a good chunk of New York in the process of trying to rule the planet earth. Odin’s beard, this is Loki’s most evil actions that we’ve seen from him period. What’s so fascinating to me is that we still see just a peek that Loki pretends that he’s just an apathetic cold bastard, but then there are moments where we know that’s not the whole truth. The way he quietly asks Thor, “Did you mourn?” with this conflicted look that kind of sums up why I wanted to write this argument in the first place. He wouldn’t have asked if he didn’t care. Loki cares what Thor thinks of him, to some degree. It’s even in the scene atop Stark Tower where Thor tries again to bring his brother around. It’s very quick, but an actual tear slides down his face right before he stabs Thor and mutters, “Sentiment.” Loki keeps choosing the wrong side, choosing to be a selfish, thoughtless monster, and yet it’s still clear he feels fear, regret, remorse, and other emotions same as Thor does, but he refuses to let his emotions control his actions. He’s set course for the iceberg and he’s just going to crash into that thing no matter what. Good intentions mean nothing. The actions make the man, and the man is a monster in The Avengers.
  • Guiding Malekith’s lieutenant to Odin’s bedchambers: Ooh, if there’s one thing that burns me up with Loki, it’s his constant blame and revenge against Odin. Don’t get me wrong—Odin’s no prize. He’s a garbage father by the time we piece together what he’s done since his sons (and as we discover in Ragnarok, his daughter too) were born and/or found, but in this case, Loki’s in the wrong in so many ways here. Odin showed mercy taking Loki in, and it doesn’t matter his intentions. Odin raised Loki alongside Thor as an equal and Loki, from what we can tell, was just as loved by their mother Frigga. He has no excuse to pretend like his background justifies his desire to see Odin dead. It’s all just to cover up his own shortcomings and envy. It’s just a damned shame that Frigga paid the price for Loki’s hateful nature.
  • Faking his own death and bespelling Odin so he could impersonate him and keep the throne on Asgard: Once again, this one is such a freaking gut-stab to the feels. I want to slap Loki so hard for lying to Thor and making that poor man think he’s lost his brother again, and after saving his life. It’s just the worst. Loki is the most self-serving, egotistical piece of crap for doing this to Thor. It makes me want to throw Odin’s words right back in his smug face: “All this because Loki desires a throne.” “It’s my birthright!” “Your birthright was to die!” As mean as it is, Odin is right. Loki was shown mercy and what does he do with it? Get his mother killed and try to usurp the throne yet again, and not because he’d be a good ruler, simply to appease his damned ego.
  • Trying to kill Valkyrie: Thank Odin he was soundly beaten senseless, but it’s messed up that Loki tries to kill Valkyrie so she can’t get in his way. It’s even worse since he forces her to relive the absolute worst moment of her life, although it ends up spurring her to do the right thing and help Thor save Asgard. Loki is such a bastard for that, for driving the knife in and twisting it.
  • Betraying Thor on Sakaar: Thankfully, Thor had enough sense to know Loki would try it again, but even after all this time, Loki is perfectly happy to throw Thor to the wolves in order to get ahead. It’s worse because he knew the Grandmaster would either continue enslaving Thor or kill him outright. He couldn’t act as if there was some other fate awaiting Thor if his betrayal had panned out for him. It’s even worse when you consider the conversation right before it where Thor tells him, “Loki, I thought the world of you.” Loki’s so quick to blame Thor, to act offended when Thor suggested Loki stay on Sakaar if they get rid of the Grandmaster. He never holds himself accountable, just using that blanket “I’m the God of Mischief” excuse in place of accepting his reprehensible actions.
  • Stealing the Tesseract from Asgard during Ragnarok: As we come to find Loki’s fate in Infinity War, all I can think is this could have been avoided if he’d left the damned thing there. Loki, Loki, Loki, why are you like this? Half of Asgard would still be alive if he hadn’t taken it from Odin’s vault before Asgard was destroyed. Does that mean that Thanos would have failed? Who knows. But Loki’s decision costs him his life, Heimdall his life, and also the lives of many innocent Asgardians thanks to his power-hungry nature. I suppose this argument is sort of answered in that Loki pays for his selfish act with his life, but it also ends up being a point for and against him, as you’ll see below.

When you add all that up, it makes quite the statement. We have strong evidence to support the “Loki is evil” argument. He is vain, self-centered, ego-centric, callous, and most definitely a sociopath of epic proportions. Everything he does is in service to himself, for the most part. He wants power and he wants attention (or as Tony so cleverly put it, “he’s a full-tilt diva.”) Loki appears to love nothing except himself and nearly everything he does serves that purpose.

But not everything.

Evidence against evil:

  • Goading Thor into fighting him on the Rainbow Bridge: the action itself doesn’t present a counterargument to the “Loki is evil” theory, but it does poke a hole in it. It’s a very carefully written scene, in my opinion, because now we see the cracks in Loki’s metaphorical armor. Loki pretends he’s this big bad wolf, but some of that young pup comes out through this scene where Thor demands that Loki turn off the Bi-Frost to prevent him from destroying Jotunheim. He’s so desperate to prove himself and to accept this “I’m a monster” mentality that he keeps pressing Thor to fight him, knowing that Thor doesn’t want to and that he wants it all to be over. He could have ended it all right then and there and it’s possible that Loki would have just served a sentence for his crimes instead of being executed, but Loki can’t accept his past and rejects everything in favor of becoming the monster of his origin. What also gives me some massive feels is a line that I’ve long debated with myself about being genuine: when Thor puts together that he can’t stop the Bi-Frost, so he starts destroying the bridge and Loki yells, “What are you doing? If you destroy the bridge, you’ll never see her again!” Ouch. You could definitely use that exclamation for both the argument and the counterargument. On the one hand, maybe Loki is just trying to manipulate Thor to get him to stop destroying the bridge. On the other hand, maybe Loki does realize what a selfless thing Thor is doing and some part of him doesn’t want Thor to suffer being stuck on Asgard away from the woman he was falling in love with. It’s a delightfully ambiguous line. Does Loki actually mean it? He still tries to stop him right after this line, but that doesn’t make it completely invalid. It’s a vastly interesting idea in and of itself. The whole struggle between the two is that Thor loves him and wants them to be brothers again, and Loki cut himself off from his adopted family and wants to rule so he doesn’t have to accept being an outcast. So does Loki actually have a remnant of his old self somewhere inside him and that’s the part of him that called out to Thor when he was destroying the bridge?
  • Loki’s reaction to Frigga’s death: Alright, here’s where the gloves come off in terms of Loki’s characterization over the course of the Marvel films. Loki and Frigga have an argument shortly before Loki guides Malekith’s lieutenant to Odin’s bedchambers and unfortunately Frigga dies defending Jane. Loki loses it. He’s a complete and utter wreck when Thor returns after Loki has gotten the news, and Loki knows it’s all his fault. He’s so wracked with guilt that he doesn’t even reveal to anyone that it was because of him. What gets me—and this is a testament to Tom’s skill as an actor—is that vulnerable little question right when Thor sees through Loki’s illusion: “Did she suffer?” Ouch. Oh man. It’s now apparent that the big bad wolf is a scared pup inside, at least for a moment. He knows he’s screwed up and he can’t take it back. It’s definitely sealed on the scene as they travel to meet Malekith on the abandoned planet: “Trust my rage.” One of the only real, true things we see from Loki is his desire to get revenge for Frigga’s death.
  • Loki saving Thor on the Night Elves’ planet: For once, he actually follows through with Thor’s plan and tries to help him stop Malekith. He even saves Thor’s life, and while it ended up being a con in the end, I still think that was a genuine moment of Loki being Thor’s brother again. He could have let Thor die, let Malekith consume the nine realms, and just rule another world in the ashes of what’s left, or he could have become a true ally of Malekith’s as well, but he didn’t. He stuck to the plan and he saved Thor when he didn’t have to and that’s surprisingly touching considering the monstrous things Loki has done in the past.
  • Loki shedding tears upon Odin’s death: Tom Hiddleston is a hell of an actor, man. I have to keep giving him props for knocking this complicated character out of the park. There are two interactions that are truly important during this scene: First, the look of shame on Loki’s face as he steps up next to Odin after apparently casting a spell so strong that it took Odin months or years (the timeline is a bit hard to tell, but Thor says it’s been two years since Ultron, so that gives you an idea of how long Odin had to have been on Earth either still bespelled or accepting his exile) and yet Odin doesn’t strike him, yell at him, or even denounce him for it. Odin says, “my sons.” Loki glances over at him, and the look of utter disbelief and vulnerability on Loki’s face is just like a kick in the nuts. That one expression shows that after all is said and done, Loki still wants a family. He still cares what Odin thinks of him, and he’s been wrapped up in this cocoon of hatred only to find out that maybe he was wrong the whole time to assume Odin rejected him for Thor, or to assume Odin hated him after all that he’d done. For just a second, Loki sees the light and sees the truth. Second, as Odin’s ashes float off into the ocean, Loki openly weeps. Wow, wow, wow, does Hiddleston kill this part of the movie. It truly tugs at the heartstrings to see that in spite of how many times Loki’s betrayed Odin, he sheds tears at his father’s passing, and after finding out that after all this time Odin still calls him son. Monsters don’t cry. Human beings do. Loki is still human. Maybe not completely, but there is definitely a part of him that isn’t a monster.
  • Trying to convince Thor not to fight the champion on Sakaar: Again, this is definitely pretty self-serving here. As much as Loki despises Thor, he knows good and well that Thor is a contender and Thor could help him overthrow the Grandmaster if they banded together. I think Loki actually meant it, personally, that he would get Thor out of the arena fights and they’d just try to survive on Sakaar in the meantime until they figured out what to do. What also seals it is Thor’s refusal to speak and it genuinely bothers Loki. He starts to prod him to reply and gets more agitated the longer Thor just sits there and stares at him. I dig that a lot. That’s a great scene, because in spite of all the horrid things Loki’s done, part of him still wants to be reunited with his brother. He just can’t help himself. He wants acceptance and he wants power and he wants to prove that he’s just as good and worthy as Thor at the end of the day. He even shows signs of worrying about Thor fighting the champion since the champion is undefeated. In the end, Loki just closes back up again and becomes his same old self, but the fact that he reveals his plan to Thor and tries to get him to go along with it suggests that he still cares. He doesn’t want to, but he does.
  • The elevator conversation during the escape from Sakaar: Thor crushes my heart into paste with this scene, which is a testament to the awesomeness of Chris Hemsworth. It hits me so hard when Loki says, “Do you truly think so little of me, brother?” and Thor just looks at him and says, “Loki, I thought the world of you. I thought we were going to fight side by side forever.” Oh, my heart. It hurts so much when the camera pans back and Loki’s honestly stunned. As mentioned above with Odin’s death scene, Loki figures out that he was wrong about what Thor thought of him this whole time and wrong about their relationship as well. Thor has been forced to fight Loki time and time again, and yet he always tries to be kind or show him mercy because Thor is just that kind of loving, genuine person. Loki lies to himself and believes that Thor is a thoughtless bully who always wants to show him up, but here he realizes it’s not true and maybe it never has been. Loki constantly projects his own rejection onto Thor and uses it as an excuse for being the villain. He thinks he’s a monster, and this is what monsters do: they turn on their loved ones and they try to get ahead. For just a moment, Loki can’t help but face the fact that Thor loves him in spite of all that he’s done.
  • Loki returning to Asgard to help: again, yes, this is mostly because Loki is a full tilt diva and he wants Asgard to know he’s coming back to be their “savior.” (My God, was that not the most satisfyingly over-the-top reveal? I love you, Loki, you little extra shit.) While it’s mostly so he can get some recognition, Loki still risks his life to protect the people of Asgard and help the Revengers defeat Hela. If he didn’t care, he wouldn’t have gone. He would have stayed on Sakaar and tried to overthrow the Grandmaster. I like the small touch of Thor coming back from facing down Hela and Thor says, “You’re late” and a visibly worried Loki replies, “You’re missing an eye.” Oh, and Thor saying Loki’s late? Another body slam to the feels. Thor had been hoping Loki would come around and believing that he would, and Loki came through. The big dopey smile Thor has on his face when the ship shows up does me a world of good, man. I just can’t emphasize how much I love Thor’s endless forgiveness and desire to see his brother be what he could have been all along: an ally. For just one instance, Loki lives up to the potential he’s been unconsciously seeking the whole time over the course of his journey as a character. He could be that guy. He could be the hero and the brother that Thor deserves, and that he himself deserves to see and believe in. It’s such a great show of the complexities that mix together to form this ridiculous horn-having, hair-flipping demigod.
  • Loki and Thor’s scene on the ship: “I’m here.” Loki didn’t run away. He’s there with Thor in the end and Thor’s so happy about it that it makes me cry knowing it’ll all go to shit soon afterward in Infinity War. The warmth we see from the two Odinsons in that scene could make the Eternal Flame tremble in comparison. It’s one of the rare scenes that Loki shows some honesty and good will towards Thor, even if he still has ulterior motives behind the scenes.
  • Loki dies trying to save Thor. Oh, boy. Here is the mother of all convincing facts that maybe Loki isn’t entirely evil. As we approached Infinity War, my gut had been telling me that based on his character development and the arc the MCU set him on, Loki would die giving up the Tesseract in order to save Thor’s life. However, it’s one thing for me to have had this theory beforehand and an entirely different thing to watch Loki die in an attempt to save his brother. It hurt me deeply. It hurt me simply because if Thor hadn’t kept believing in Loki and loving Loki in spite of all his horrible actions, Loki would have simply let Thanos kill him. What really tears the scene is that Loki does try to just let Thanos kill Thor rather than give up the Tesseract, but then he watches his brother scream in agony at Thanos’ hands and he simply can’t go through with it. It just destroys me that there were tears in his eyes as he watched Thor suffer and in the end, he tried to do the right thing, and he died protecting his brother. It was inevitable that Loki would meet his end this way, but it still says so much about the powerful relationship we’ve seen change and grow from the first Thor movie to now. Does it invalidate all the evil he’s done in other movies? Hell no. However, it definitely is the most compelling counterargument for this essay that Loki isn’t completely evil. He made his own bed and he’s finally had to lie down in it, but he went out trying to repay his brother’s love after so many years of betrayal. It breaks my heart, honestly.

So what does it all mean, in the end?

If we go by actions alone, the bad outweighs the good and Loki is evil. However, how do you define evil? If we go by Webster’s definition, we find that evil is: “morally reprehensible” or “arising from actual or imputed bad character or conduct.” Is evil simply the absence of good? If so, then no, Loki isn’t evil. There is good in him. There’s more bad than good, but it’s still there and in the end he chose to do the right thing rather than defaulting into his old ways. Furthermore, is he evil in part of the story and not in the rest? Possibly, yes. What makes Loki so hard to pin down is the fact that up until Infinity War it’s an ongoing story, so if you pluck him out at certain points, it’s still open for debate what constitutes as evil. He certainly is evil for large chunks of his overall storyline, but when he develops, the picture gets away blurry and hard to describe. In that case, what is the measure of evil? Is it the whole journey or the ending? Can the lives he’s taken be weighed against the lives he’s saved? What tips the balance on the scales of the soul?

I hope you guys know, ‘cause I sure don’t.

All I can safely say is that Loki is complex. He’s mostly bad, but the streak of good in him has honestly saved lives, so it’s hard to throw him away completely as the villain. He’s neither totally the villain nor anti-hero, but just this sassy asshole who straddles the fence. Big props to the many writers who brought our brilliant trashlord to life. He shall be sorely missed.

Year in Review: 2017

Yep. That was my 2017.

In summary, I have enough perspective to say that 2017 wasn’t as bad as 2016 by default because 2016 was nothing but a continuous stream of suckerpunches to everyone’s ‘nads, and since 2016 set the precedent that everything was going to be awful from now on, we knew to expect nothing but awful things in 2017. That’s pretty much what we got, to be honest. It wasn’t all bad, but it was pretty much mostly bad, imo.

Still, I was able to snatch just a few happy moments in this dumpster fire of a year that followed up what I considered to be the definitive apocalypse. I was able to go to Los Angeles for a week and run around being silly and doing whatever I wanted. I attended Dragon*Con and met Nathan Fillion, whom I’ve been crushing on since 2009, as well as Ming Na Wen, Michael Rosenbaum, and Steve Blum. I’ve managed to sort of dig my book sales out of its shallow grave and nudge it back towards the direction it needs to be in. I wrote a sequel to my science fiction/contemporary fantasy mashup and published an all new novella for The Black Parade series, Back to Black. I was also accepted into an anthology of black sci-fi/urban fantasy based out of Atlanta that’ll be hitting your bookshelves later this summer. I moved back to my hometown of Atlanta, GA and have been happy to remember what it feels like to be somewhere comfortable that’s also more conducive to my career.

It hasn’t been easy. I’ve been through some stuff this year that I never anticipated and I’m unsure if I’m the better for having endured these kinds of hardships, but I’m happy to have made it out alive. I’m happy that you guys survived it as well and I hope that 2018 treats you even the tiniest bit better than 2017. We still have a hard road ahead for us, but if we stick together, I think we can survive another year of metaphorical ‘nad punching by life.

As for the future, 2018 is going to be a weird year. I’ve got another Of Cinder and Bone novel on the docket for this year, though it will depend on how things go with Of Blood and Ashes in terms of if I’ll write and publish the third novel (working title is Of Scales and Shadows, but it’s subject to change) this year. Technically, I do one book a year, sometimes two if the situation calls for it, and Of Blood and Ashes came out January 2, 2018 in the Sirens and Scales boxed set, so I’ve already met my goal for 2018 publications. The third book will still get written, but I guess we’ll see what happens throughout the year to determine if I’ll publish it in 2018. This year and next year are probably the most flexible years in my writing career, as I have the room to decide what I want to do and where I go from here, since The Black Parade’s main novels are done (might do another short story collection someday, stay tuned) and this new series is about to hit its third book.

All I can say is hang in there. I’ve got some moves to make and I hope you want to be around for the ride.

See you on the salt mines, friends.

-Kyoko M

Sirens and Scales Release Day

The day of reckoning is finally here! The Sirens and Scales boxed set is available for purchase on all sales channels. That’s 20+ exclusive science fiction and fantasy titles revolving around dragons, mermaids, and sirens for only 99 cents from USA Today, New York Times, and Amazon bestselling authors! Don’t wait! Grab a copy now and get reading!

Purchase links here.

 

Of Cinder and Bone is now permanently free!

Cover art by Marginean Anca of BRoze Designs

Hey, guys! This is the official announcement that Of Cinder and Bone has been moved to a permanently free to downloadable novel on all sales channels in eBook form. Please enjoy it and spread the word as far as the eye can see. After all, reviews are precious and help new readers give the book a try. The more reviews, the more sales. The more sales, the more money. The more money, the more books I am able to write at a faster pace, so please remember to review it after you’re done reading it. Download links below.

Amazon

Smashwords

Barnes & Noble

Kobo

iBookstore

Instafreebie

Thanks and happy holidays!

-Kyoko M

Of Blood and Ashes Plot Synopsis

Are you ready for Kyoko M’s upcoming sequel to Of Cinder and Bone? Of course you aren’t! No one is! But here’s what the sequel is about anyway. *drumroll*

Cover by Marginean Anca

The world’s deadliest dragon, the infamous Baba Yaga, is loose on the streets of Tokyo.

Dr. Rhett “Jack” Jackson and Dr. Kamala Anjali have been tasked with helping the government take down a dragon the size of a Tyrannosaurus Rex after it sends part of the city up in flames. Things worsen when they lose track of dragon in none other than Aokigahara, the Suicide Forest–a section of woods in Japan that is rumored to be one of the most haunted places on earth. They’ve also got the yakuza who cloned the dragon hellbent on getting her back, and they don’t care who they kill in order to re-capture the dragon.

Jack and Kamala are joined by CIA field agent William Fry and dragon-hunting expert Juniper Snow as they infiltrate the forest to hunt the dragon before she can hurt anyone else. Between the ruthless yakuza hot on their trail and the growing mistrust in their small hunting party, it will take a miracle for Jack and Kamala to make it out alive…

Pre-Order it now on every platform! 

Release date: January 2, 2018

Back to Black Goodreads Giveaway!

Cover art by Marginean Anca of Brose Designz

It’s that time of year again! Please enter to win a paperback copy of my newest novella, Black to Black! Deadline is October 18, 2017. Don’t miss your chance to grab the thrilling adventures of Seers Jordan Amador and Myra Bennett, exclusive to the Creatures boxed set.

Want to read the first chapter? Go here and get crackin’! 

Hindsight is 20/20: My Third Year in Self-Publishing

Holy crap, guys, it’s been three years since I published The Black Parade.

Liz Lemon gets booed

“What it’s like being a self-published author?”
Dean from the Iron Giant screaming Art

Yeah. Dean’s got the right idea. I think if I could sum up the experiences I’ve had over the past year, since the last post, it’d be with the above image.

If you know any writers, personally or just through social media, most of us tell you the same thing if you ask us that question. Guys…being an author is hard. Like, really. I know it’s not as hard as being a heart surgeon or an astronaut, but people underestimate the fact that it’s literally–and I mean that, not in the overused Sterling Archer sort of way–hundreds of hours of our lives spent pouring our heart and soul into a book and then sending it out into the world, praying that it’s not a tiny garbage fire to be extinguished by the masses.

I suppose the funniest thing about being a self-pub author in my third year is that it simultaneously got easier and harder after I hit year three. That sounds nonsensical, but it’s kind of true.

For instance, the part that got easier is knowing where to search for help. Need advice about where to advertise? KBoards. Need help with research? Google yourself to death and then call someone who is smarter than you and ask them weird questions (in this case, I called an MIT post doc to grill her about her research project. It was as bizarre as it sounds, but she was more than willing to help and super sweet about it.) Need to find art for your upcoming cover? Stock photos. Need advice on how to not be a total piece of crap writer? Chuck Wendig. After three years, I have so many bookmarks saved to point me in the right direction when I get stuck.

On the other hand, the part that got harder is venturing out to try something new. I finished the Black Parade series (for now; there will be other additions to the canon next year, if things go well) and it took every bit of my will power to get it done and make sure it was the right way to end my debut series. It was by far the hardest thing I ever learned to do on my own.

Until this new novel came along.

Truth be told, Of Cinder and Bone is kicking my ass. Thoroughly. If any of you follow me on Twitter, you know I’ve been gnashing my teeth over it for months now, even though I started out super eager to begin a whole new series. Working on it is like pulling teeth. It’s exhausting and scary and awful and I’ve been faced with constant self-doubt as I am venturing into a totally different genre this time, away from my comfort zone of angels and demons and sarcastic loners with trust issues. Science fiction is a whole new animal, and it’s honestly trying to maul me.

But that’s probably a good thing. All writers need to evolve. Some of us can find our niche and stay there, but often authors are called away from their comfy spot to try something new because we bleed words and the words always dictate our actions. The story is bursting out of our chest like a horrible scene from Alien and no matter how much it hurts, we have to obey it.

To that end, here are a few things I’ve learned over the past year.

-To quote a catchy little song from the wonderful Zootopia, try everything. It might be cheesy and sung by an artist I honestly can’t stand, but the song really does ring true with what you should do as an author, especially a newbie. “I won’t give up, no, I won’t give in ’til I reach the end and then I’ll start again; No, I won’t leave, I wanna try everything, I wanna try even though I could fail.” Do that. Is something terrifying and you don’t want to fail at it? Try it anyway. Do your best and push through the failure, because you will fail at things, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still give up on potential opportunities for growth. Do things that scare you. Do things that you would’ve sworn a year ago that you’d never be able to do, and then bask in the glow of being brave enough to try it, regardless of how it turns out. People give up on their dreams a lot in life, and you have to plant your feet and do your best if you want to be an author and share your stories with the world.

–Explore not only your own genre that you write in, but those that are similar, because you can stumble across diamonds in the rough, both the books themselves and the authors. When I was preparing for my panel at Geek Girl Con, I took recommendations for books with people of color in SFF, and I actually found one I really dig even though it’s in a genre I don’t usually read often. I actually love sci-fi and I have since I was a kid, but I’m a very visual person. I tend to like sci-fi shows and movies instead of novels, but I found Earthrise by M.C.A Hogarth and I really enjoyed the hell out of her series. Then I bumped into her on Twitter and I’ve never been happier chatting with her on occasion because she’s hilarious and interesting. It’s hard to find time to read when you’re an author, but it can be very rewarding to branch out and mingle with others who have similar tastes and mindsets. You can even eventually build friendships or mutually beneficial arrangements as a result.

–Allow yourself to be terrible. So I hit a low point about a week ago when I was about 89,000+ words into Of Cinder and Bone. I couldn’t finish Chapter 14 because I felt all this crushing self-doubt and my inner perfectionist was so convinced that my book was the worst thing ever committed to the pages and no one’s going to like it because it’s so atypical of the genre and I froze up every time I opened my Word document to write more. I started looking for a pep talk and of course found this fantastic article by the legendary Chuck Wendig that got me out of my rut.

Writing sucks. It’s the worst. It’s basically you sticking a huge needle into your chest and pumping your blood out onto endless pieces of paper. You’re exposing yourself, and not in a gross way. When you write, you’re putting yourself out there, and so every single author (no matter what they tell you) gets scared and thinks they’re going to be utterly rejected and thinks about quitting. I think I read that Neil freaking Gaiman did that with one of his most beloved books; he tried to 86 the whole thing because he was sure it wasn’t going to work, but then he got a big reality check from the experience and pushed through it. It’s incredibly harrowing to finish the writing process because it’s totally possible that your first draft is crap. However, another great quote I read once is that you can edit a bad story to be better, but you can’t edit a blank page. Allow yourself to write poorly at first. Just get the words down and then worry about making it better after it’s done. It’s easier said than done, but you still have to do it. Don’t give up if you really truly care about your book and know that it’s the story you’re dying to tell. You can always fix a broken story, but you have to finish it before you can save it.

Or, as Chuck Wendig puts it:

Chuck Wendig Secret to Writing

–Meet people. This sounds like a no-brainer, but a lot of authors are introverts like I am. A couple years ago, I’d have laughed snottily if you told me I’d be a panelist at a couple different conventions and that I’d cosplay as Lana Kane from Archer in full view of the nerd population. I’d have called you delusional. But I did that. I was on a few different panels where I was able to meet some incredibly talented people, and I’m really glad I did it. It’s not just for exposure, either. Nothing renews the fire in my soul than meeting other authors and sharing experiences in this crazy thing we call a career. You can pull yourself out of a rut by mingling with people from all walks of life and just talking to them about anything. You’ll often find something in common even if it seems like you’re total opposites. Whenever possible, get out of your own way and be with other people who are enjoyable to be around. You never know what can come from it. Life is often full of bad surprises, so that’s why it’s great when a good one comes along.

–Share your experiences, even if you feel like you have nothing to offer and no one cares. I’m guilty of this flaw a lot. I feel like I don’t know anything at all. I’m just a tiny awkward turtleduck floating on the pond. I feel like I shouldn’t give anyone advice because I’m floundering around and don’t know what the hell I’m doing. But here’s the big secret: all writers are like that. You could flag down Stephen King right now and turn the mic off and he’d probably be like, “Dude, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I’m just as clueless as you are.” All writers think we’re phonies, even super acclaimed bad asses like Stephen King or Neil Gaiman or Toni Morrison.  We feel unqualified to teach people things, but you never know that the seemingly pointless anecdote can spark something in someone that helps them on their journey. It’s why I always keep my Inbox open to new authors. If you ever have a question, I will try my damnedest to answer it for you, and I try to tell people the best advice I can when they ask for help. Hell, that’s the only reason I write these yearly blog posts about my experiences. If even one droplet of advice is helpful, then my purpose on this planet has been fulfilled.

–Dumb luck has a lot more to do with this career than you think. I hate saying this, but it’s true. No matter how many books you read about how to be the best author and the best book marketer, no matter how hard you work to make your book look like the best thing since sliced bread and Nutella, sometimes it all boils down to luck. There is no set way to make your book a bestseller. At all. It’s the same as how sometimes Hollywood pours millions of dollars into a project and it bombs, even though they had one of those “surefire” formulas to make a hit. Sometimes it’s just zippity-doo-da dumbass random luck. You could have a runaway hit or your book can sink to the bottom of the slush pile right out of the gate, and it’s no fault of your own. That’s where the “Try Everything” lyrics really become important. Luck won’t always be on your side. That’s unfair as hell, but one of the biggest obstacles for every last author is getting back up after a juicy, painful faceplant into the asphalt. Sometimes the stars align and everything goes perfectly, and sometimes the clouds part and it’s Jesus taking a piss right on your head. Them’s the breaks, man.

…sorry about that last mental image there, my duckies.

For all the good times and the bad times, I’ve definitely learned a ton over these three years as a published author. I hope most of all that I’ve at least been entertaining as I flail around searching for the way to go. I’ve got a lot of adventures ahead of me, and I can only hope you guys still want to come along for the ride. Thank you for sticking around, readers.

Jon Huertas You are my ROCK

To that end, don’t forget that in celebration of my third year anniversary, The Holy Dark (Book #4) will be FREE to download via Amazon Friday, July 22, 2016 and Saturday, July 23, 2016. Spread the word.

See you next time, true believers.

Price and Platform Change: The Black Parade

TheBlackParade_Revised_2 copy

Good evening, ladies and gents! I have a brief announcement for you.

The Black Parade is almost always a permanently free (permafree for short) title, but a marketing opportunity has cropped up that asks for me to unpublish the novel on Smashwords, which subsequently will take it down from the Nook, iBookstore, Kobo, and a few other smaller retailers. Don’t panic! It’s temporary. The book will go back to being permafree November 16, 2016. 

If any of my fans are referring their friends to this novel as being free, please contact me directly at theblackparadeseries@gmail.com and I can offer them a free copy myself. The title will be .99 cents on Amazon once the permafree drops when the title is pulled from other digital shelves. After November 16th, the title will go right back up as a free novel. No other  permanent prices changes will be made to the other books. Keep in mind, it has also been entered into KDP Select, so if you subscribe to them, you can read it for free there as well.

Plus, we’re fast approaching my 3rd anniversary of being a published author, and it’ll be the one year anniversary of The Holy Dark. In celebration, it will be free to download all day long July 19, 2016. I’ll make another announcement closer to the date as a reminder for old and new fans.

Thanks for hanging in there through all my crazy shenanigans. I will post about the new boxed set in just a few days, so be on the look out for a fantastic opportunity for some new reads!

Kyoko M.