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A Love Letter to the Avengers

The end of an era is here.

“It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine…”

How do you say goodbye to 1/3rd of your life?

Really. I’ve been asking myself that in the weeks leading up to Avengers: Endgame.

And honestly, I don’t have an answer to that question, because it’s kind of impossible.

So here’s the thing: I read comic books as a kid when I had access to them, but I was never someone who had a massive collection of Marvel comics. I had some of them, so growing up I knew who the Avengers were, but not to any significant degree other than names, powers, and aliases. Like a lot of people, Iron Man was the first time I took notice of Marvel heroes who weren’t Spider-Man or the X-Men, and that movie opened an entire avenue that I don’t think any of us thought would be possible someday.

I had already been fully on board when the announcement that the incredible Robert Downey Jr. would be starring as Tony Stark, and to this day, that is still one of the all-time most perfect casting choices. Fans were dancing in the streets when we heard it, because we all knew if nothing else, Tony Stark would get a first-rate performance. RDJ had gotten himself back on track after his troubled past, and we were so ready to see him return to his former glory.

And he did just that.

To date, I still rank Iron Man in my personal top 10 MCU films, for so many reasons, but for the sake of this retrospective post, let me sum it up by saying it is so fitting that we began this 11-year journey with RDJ and with Tony Stark. Iron Man is about heart. Literally and figuratively. By being put in the danger he found himself in, Tony inadvertently grew a heart and became the man who so many of us will Stan until the end of time. He had nothing but his wits and a faithful friend at his side, and when he was told to bow to his enemies, he instead defied them and saved himself. In doing so, it kicked off the first domino for the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and even though it had a steady stream of interest, everything changed when at long last our beloved heroes teamed up for The Avengers.

The Avengers, whether you like it or not, changed history.

There had never been an attempt to combine solo stories of heroes on this kind of scale before, and that was when people realized that this wasn’t just a passing fancy. The Avengers broke box office records for a few reasons, but one that I am quite fond of is the fact that word of mouth was so powerful. All the hardcore fans saw it and sang its praises, but the great thing about the Avengers is it was written in such a way that even if you had missed the previous films, you could still enjoy it, and people did. The non-fans took notice of that killer opening weekend and heard the rave reviews, got curious, and saw it. And then they went home and told everyone how phenomenal it was, and then the process repeated itself. What I have always loved about the Avengers, and what it began when it came out, was its inclusiveness. It had something for everyone in it. And not only was it taken seriously, it was given an excellent script, fantastic visuals, and a kick ass soundtrack that still gets us hype as hell even 7 years later. Most of us fans used to fantasize about a team up movie, never thinking it would be possible considering all the legal and copyright hoops studios had to jump through, but then the day arrived and it was every single thing we dreamt it would be.

What made the Avengers so prolific was the ability to take that many characters and tie them to each other, giving each one time to shine in an extremely well-paced story. Ensemble films are everywhere, but this was the first time that a major film studio took individual heroes from their films and had them interact, and then sent them back out on their own, with the promise of calling them back again. What continues to impress me with the Avengers is that everyone had a stake in the game, and everyone contributed something. (Note: people shit on Hawkeye constantly as the “useless” team member, but I invite you to remember that Hawkeye nearly killed the entire team when he attacked the heli-carrier, so honestly, the haters can shut the hell up.) Too often movies have a group of characters who are supposed to have specific skillsets or traits useful to either the plot or the story, but really, there’s no reason for them to be there. (*cough* Fast and the Furious *cough* *coughs harder* the Justice League movie *coughs harder*) Here, you understood everything, and it all had its own harmony to it. A great story is one in which everyone has both inner and outer conflict, and while they butt heads, they’re together to reach a collective goal, no matter what the cost.

And frankly, The Avengers is when shit got real for everyone.

In my lifetime, I’ve only seen a handful of films more than twice in theaters. I saw The Avengers in theaters four times. The only other viewing at the time that came close was the Dark Knight, which I also saw four times. That is just an idea of how damn much I enjoyed that film, and what a legacy I think it left in its wake. Even back with 2012 ticket prices, I had such a great time that I happily bought multiple showings just to see it again.

So after 2012 when we all found out it was possible for something this awesome to exist, Marvel figured out that the winning formula was not in some of the paltry tricks that Hollywood likes to sell us, but in having a strong story with its roots in the proper place—the comics—and in trusting the vision of their actors and directors. In 2014, we were blessed with Captain America: The Winter Soldier, which is arguably the best Marvel movie period, to say nothing of one of the best comic book movies of all time. Winter Soldier is one of the highest praised MCU films for a tight spy-espionage story, interesting characters, a razor-sharp script, and some of the most stunning fight choreography in film history. It blew our minds that anything could be as good, or maybe even better than The Avengers, and it didn’t rely on simply having an orgy of superheroes. It was just a damn good experience in every aspect.

Then, after the MCU films had a few unsteady steps like Age of Ultron (which I still think is great, but is a troubled film) and Doctor Strange, they surprised us by going all in with two films that arguably innovated their franchise yet again: Black Panther and Thor: Ragnarok.

Black Panther told the world what us nerds already knew: that black people are just as interested in science-fiction and comic books as other people, and they came out in force. It was the most liberating experience to see a mature, well-written, well-acted, flat-out gorgeous big budget film that was 90% black both in front of and behind the camera. Ryan Coogler went out of his way to create an unforgettable experience that delighted and amazed everyone in a way most people had never considered. Black creatives have been here forever, but this was one of the first times we were able to see it on a massive scale and for a massive audience. Finally, we were given a voice and got to tell an excellent story that wasn’t watered down or apologetic or riddled with stereotypes. And with it breaking box office records, it became indisputable proof that diversity does not lose money and it is not only welcomed, but encouraged by the world, and I cannot thank the MCU enough for that fact alone.

Thor: Ragnarok is living proof that you can dust off something that was fairly good, but just needed a new angle and make something absolutely outstanding. Remember how I said I saw The Avengers in theaters four times? Yep. Did the same for Thor: Ragnarok. And don’t ask me how many times I have watched it since I got it for home release. It’s got to be 50 times by now, honestly.

Ragnarok showed that sometimes a great, radical idea is exactly what you need, and that if you put your trust in the right creative mind, you can take a middle-grade character and elevate him to a level no one thought possible. Truth be told, I liked both of the previous Thor movies (and again, the haters can just exit stage left, because The Dark World is nowhere near as bad as people keep saying it is) but this pumped entirely new blood into Thor’s veins as well as our own. One of my favorite things about Ragnarok is that it shows the trust between the director, the cast, and Marvel Studios. It took serious balls to pitch some of the things that went down in Ragnarok, but thanks to the miles and miles of talent from the movie’s cast and crew, it became a top tier MCU film, and can easily stand next to not only some of the best comic book movies, but some of the best comedies.

And then, while we were still reeling from the amazing combination of Ragnarok and Black Panther…along came Infinity War.

Infinity War once again broke the mold.

I’m fairly certain almost none of you read my college essay-length review of Infinity War, but the main gist of it is that there is no other film like Infinity War. Period. And I don’t mean that in some kiss-ass way because I happen to be a fan of the MCU. No, really, I mean it as a writer and as a creator and as a moviegoer in general. I’ve watched hundreds of films in my 30 years of living, and I cannot name another movie that had an impact on me the way that Infinity War did, and what’s more is that I am not alone.

Infinity War, for me, stands on its own category simply for the emotional depth that it was able to achieve. It’s not just the suckerpunch ending—it’s that the film is not only funny and action packed, but it’s a story where it took one of the largest cast of characters in film history and still managed to make a story for each of them, and gave each of them stakes and a role to serve. Think about that. I mean, do you understand how much talent it took in order for the sheer number of characters to not only interact, but contribute to the overall plot and story in a manner that was personal to them? In case you forgot, count them up: the five of the six original Avengers (Steve, Tony, Bruce, Nat, Thor), the expanded team (Sam, Rhodey, Vision, Wanda, T’Challa, Okoye, Shuri, Bucky, Parker), and then the Guardians (Peter, Gamora, Rocket, Drax, Groot, Nebula, Mantis), and then the villain Thanos, not to mention introducing a few new characters like the Nidavellir Dwarf or the Children of Thanos. Yet they were able to combine these 22 people into one story that actually made sense and was excellently paced as it rotated between the POVs of what each of them were doing as the events of Thanos’ terrible mission unfolded. I just don’t think people sit down and take the time to appreciate that sort of coordination. Not only did you have 22 people being relevant and involved with a story, but you pulled former motivations and personal relationships into it all to a point where there was not a dry eye in the house at the end.

What I remember so clearly about the premiere of Infinity War was the universal reactions from the audience, both hardcore fans and regular viewers alike. Sometimes in movies, you get annoyances like people or kids talking, people checking their cell phones, etc.

Not so with Infinity War.

Everyone was absolutely enraptured.

As far as I can recall, that’s only ever happened three other times at a movie premiere for me: The Dark Knight and Interstellar (Note: that makes total sense to me, because Christopher Nolan is an absolute master of storytelling and his suspenseful scenes leave you clutching your arm rests), and I Am Legend.

And that ending to Infinity War?

Jesus Christ.

The absolute stunned silence when those credits rolled after our heroes lost the war was devastating.

All I could hear was the sound of people everywhere crying, myself included.

It’s not about movies that make you cry. Plenty of movies have the ability to do that.

It’s about the fact that this same phenomenon happened in damn near every theater in every state and every country during their premieres.

We’re talking a universal experience.

How fucking cool is that?

Am I alone in thinking that it’s so amazing that they could dig so deep into our hearts that all of us from all walks of life sat there with tears streaming down our faces, feeling like Thanos personally walked up and walloped us in the gut with that gauntlet? No matter who you are, you probably have at least one favorite MCU character, and what’s so prolific about Infinity War is that in the end, it’s about every character’s nightmare coming true.

Think about it.

Steve’s fear was of losing his friends, especially his best friends Bucky and Sam.

Peter’s fear was of losing Gamora.

Tony’s fear was of losing the war and being a survivor of the devastation.

Gamora’s fear was of being helpless in Thanos’ control again.

Rocket’s fear was of losing his family.

Wanda’s fear was of having to kill the love of her life in order to save everyone.

Vision’s fear was of his possession of the Mind Stone allowing Thanos’ mission to be completed.

Thor’s fear was of being unable to avenge his brother, his best friend, and all of Asgard.

I could go on and on like that, but the sheer weight of this disaster brought all of us to our knees at once, and as much as it hurts me (ask my friends; I was sobbing so hard I had to put my hand over my mouth to keep from disturbing everyone else) I have to commend them for being able to make us feel something so powerful for what are fictional characters. It’s an amazing achievement that it felt as if we were the ones losing loved ones when we watched Infinity War. It’s one of the reasons we go to the movies in the first place—to feel something and experience something we never have before, and I really think that is what Infinity War delivered. It was an entirely unique movie-going experience that still reverberates with us a year later.

And it’s why Avengers: Endgame might be yet another first for us.

Many of us have experienced something similar with the end of a long running TV show. I personally am old enough to have seen the live endings to Will & Grace, Castle, Friends, Frasier, 30 Rock, The Sopranos, and various cartoons. I believe the closest equivalent in the film world might be the Star Trek movies, but even then, it’s different because they have always been an ensemble cast and don’t have individual-centric stories. It’s going to be the ending of an 11 year journey, and even though we know several heroes are going to survive and continue on with solo sequels (Black Panther, Spider-Man, Captain Marvel, Doctor Strange, Ant Man, Guardians of the Galaxy, and Black Widow are confirmed) or with the upcoming mini-series on the Disney Plus channel (Falcon and Winter Soldier, Loki, and Vision & Wanda are confirmed), this is still possibly the ending of the original Avengers lineup. All we know for sure is that Endgame is Robert Downey Jr and Chris Evans’ final solo performances of Tony Stark and Steve Rogers. If we’re really fortunate, their stories end in such a way that we could see future cameos from them (ex. Steve Rogers in the Spider-Man: Homecoming end credits) but for all we know, it’s the end for them and we have to say goodbye.

And I’m not sure that I know how.

The closest equivalent for me is Logan (2017). Goodness gracious. Talk about gross sobbing. I was an absolute wreck saying goodbye to Hugh Jackman in his final scene of Logan. However, now that it’s been two years, and Hugh Jackman is running around still being utterly adorable and fun in every way, I have been able to come to grips without my grumpy Canadian badass. Still, though, Endgame is going to be rough for me because while I adore Logan to no end, I wasn’t a fan to the degree that I would actively participate in fandom things related to him, like say fanfiction or Tumblr.

And that’s not the case with the Avengers.

I’m a straight up MCU fangirl. I reblog photosets and engage in silly theories and headcanons and read and write fics on a weekly basis. The Avengers are an active part of my life because watching the MCU films is a full blown hobby of mine. I have never been asked to let go of something that is a part of my daily life, not since Castle at least, and even then Castle ended so badly that I had let go of the show two whole seasons before it actually ended.

So that’s the hardest part of all with Endgame on its way.

How do you say goodbye?

I don’t know. I just don’t bloody know.

No matter what ending they choose for my Avengers, I’m going to be in tears, but I hope and pray that the Russos continue with their trend of being excellent storytellers and that they give us a worthy ending for those of the Avengers who will not continue past Endgame. I cannot control what happens and I will either make peace with it or reject it for a headcanon so that I can get to sleep at night (here’s looking at you, Loki; you’re still alive in my mind, you beautiful trashlord). However, I do feel encouraged to believe they will give them the endings they deserved based on what Chris Evans has been allowed to say about his final day of filming. Chris Evans basically is Captain America. He is Steve Rogers. And if he felt that Steve was given a great finish to his run in the MCU, then it’s possible I will be able to let him go to a certain degree and appreciate the time and care the character has been given since his introduction.

It’s such a bittersweet place to be, isn’t it?

If nothing else, I just want to thank the original Avengers actors for portraying such vibrant, fun, deep, relatable characters for a whole decade. I mean, that’s so much dedication, and all of them went above and beyond trying to do the characters justice. People can debate left and right about the accuracy or the mythos, but in the end, what I love about the MCU is that for the most part, every last one of them gives a shit. It should be a no brainer, but it isn’t in Hollywood. I can name so many movies or franchises that shit something out just to make money and have no passion or interest in the product. The people who work on these films have given them their all and they have left behind something no one can touch for as long as time exists.

In the end, I suppose that old saying is the best way to try and prepare for the end: “Don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened.”

You’re damn right I’m gonna cry, but my hope for Endgame is that I’ll be smiling through my tears.

See you guys on the other side.

Love always,

Kyoko

Is Loki Evil?

Is Loki evil?

Doesn’t that sound like such a simple question?

I mean, I could have answered that question quite easily back when we only had two movies to base the evidence on: Thor and the Avengers. Now that we’re at a total of five performances by the lovely Tom Hiddleston, I find myself struggling with evidence for and against this simple little question. It’s sort of made me consider that maybe the idea of good and evil isn’t as clean-cut as I once thought. I’m no stranger to grey area, but Loki has made me examine my own definition of evil now that we’ve gotten a complete scope of who he is as a character over the course of the Thor and MCU franchise. I thought it would be fun to muse over the question and see if I can draw an actual conclusion, or if I’ll remain undecided on the issue.

Naturally, major spoilers for every single film Loki has been in.

Evidence supporting evil:

  • Arranging Thor’s banishment: Loki of course made the excuse that he was simply trying to stall Thor being crowned King of Asgard as “a bit of fun” and because he believes Thor is a buffoon. He egged his brother on to go after the Frost Giants, knowing Odin would blame Thor and cast him out, leaving the throne to eventually fall to him. Gee, what a nice thing to do to someone who was raised alongside you and shows clear signs of having loved you since the moment you met each other, Loki. You ass-hat.
  • Plotting Odin’s assassination: Now we get into some tricky territory. Loki planned to secure himself as the hero and savior of Asgard by letting the Frost Giants into Asgard to slay his father and then killing Laufey in a double cross. It then gave him an excuse to wipe out the Frost Giants, thereby erasing his past and whatever feelings of guilt and inadequacy that their existence created in him. He also murdered his own damn father with zero remorse, and while I can agree that I can see why since Laufey appears to be nothing more than a monster who left him to die, it’s still incredibly messed up.
  • Killing Thor: Yep. There’s no if, ands, or buts about it—Loki tried to kill his brother, innocent people, and Thor’s comrades to keep himself on the throne. He didn’t even seem remorseful about it either.
  • Attempting genocide on the Frost Giants: This also speaks for itself. The reasoning here doesn’t hold water, either. Loki found out he wasn’t Odin’s son by blood and it twisted up inside him until it completely warped his view on his upbringing. Therefore, to him, eliminating the Frost Giants out of revenge for being abandoned and finding out he’s just a monster who looks like a prince made sense. Out of sight, out of mind. Still, even though the Frost Giants didn’t appear to be anything similar to good, decent beings, there is no excuse for genocide. Loki had no right to kill them all based on the actions of Laufey and Odin.
  • Trying to kill Thor a second time on the Rainbow Bridge: This is a particular sting to me because Thor so clearly didn’t want to hurt Loki, and certainly didn’t want to kill him. One thing that tears me up about Loki’s selfish, cruel nature is what it does to Thor. Nothing pisses me off more than the fangirls trying to say that any of this shit is Thor’s fault. We never see Thor treat Loki wrong. At most, sure, he talked over him and has probably embarrassed him in the past, but there is no abuse shown in their background. Thor loves his brother to death. Truly, selflessly. It’s so tragic that Thor loves him unconditionally considering what happens next in their joined narrative. At the end of the day, Thor just wants his brother back. He doesn’t care about Loki being a Frost Giant. He wanted to fight by his side and laugh and do all the dumb things brothers do. So Loki trying to kill him twice in the same film where we see how much Thor’s family means to him is just a big fat gut-stabbing to the feels.
  • Pretty much everything Loki does in The Avengers: the strongest argument for Loki being evil is largely here, in my opinion. I mean, we have blatant murder, mind control, plotting to have the mind-controlled Clint murder Natasha, at least two direct attempts to kill Thor, trying to kill all the Avengers as well as everyone aboard the helicarrier, killing Agent Coulson in cold blood, and then blowing up a good chunk of New York in the process of trying to rule the planet earth. Odin’s beard, this is Loki’s most evil actions that we’ve seen from him period. What’s so fascinating to me is that we still see just a peek that Loki pretends that he’s just an apathetic cold bastard, but then there are moments where we know that’s not the whole truth. The way he quietly asks Thor, “Did you mourn?” with this conflicted look that kind of sums up why I wanted to write this argument in the first place. He wouldn’t have asked if he didn’t care. Loki cares what Thor thinks of him, to some degree. It’s even in the scene atop Stark Tower where Thor tries again to bring his brother around. It’s very quick, but an actual tear slides down his face right before he stabs Thor and mutters, “Sentiment.” Loki keeps choosing the wrong side, choosing to be a selfish, thoughtless monster, and yet it’s still clear he feels fear, regret, remorse, and other emotions same as Thor does, but he refuses to let his emotions control his actions. He’s set course for the iceberg and he’s just going to crash into that thing no matter what. Good intentions mean nothing. The actions make the man, and the man is a monster in The Avengers.
  • Guiding Malekith’s lieutenant to Odin’s bedchambers: Ooh, if there’s one thing that burns me up with Loki, it’s his constant blame and revenge against Odin. Don’t get me wrong—Odin’s no prize. He’s a garbage father by the time we piece together what he’s done since his sons (and as we discover in Ragnarok, his daughter too) were born and/or found, but in this case, Loki’s in the wrong in so many ways here. Odin showed mercy taking Loki in, and it doesn’t matter his intentions. Odin raised Loki alongside Thor as an equal and Loki, from what we can tell, was just as loved by their mother Frigga. He has no excuse to pretend like his background justifies his desire to see Odin dead. It’s all just to cover up his own shortcomings and envy. It’s just a damned shame that Frigga paid the price for Loki’s hateful nature.
  • Faking his own death and bespelling Odin so he could impersonate him and keep the throne on Asgard: Once again, this one is such a freaking gut-stab to the feels. I want to slap Loki so hard for lying to Thor and making that poor man think he’s lost his brother again, and after saving his life. It’s just the worst. Loki is the most self-serving, egotistical piece of crap for doing this to Thor. It makes me want to throw Odin’s words right back in his smug face: “All this because Loki desires a throne.” “It’s my birthright!” “Your birthright was to die!” As mean as it is, Odin is right. Loki was shown mercy and what does he do with it? Get his mother killed and try to usurp the throne yet again, and not because he’d be a good ruler, simply to appease his damned ego.
  • Trying to kill Valkyrie: Thank Odin he was soundly beaten senseless, but it’s messed up that Loki tries to kill Valkyrie so she can’t get in his way. It’s even worse since he forces her to relive the absolute worst moment of her life, although it ends up spurring her to do the right thing and help Thor save Asgard. Loki is such a bastard for that, for driving the knife in and twisting it.
  • Betraying Thor on Sakaar: Thankfully, Thor had enough sense to know Loki would try it again, but even after all this time, Loki is perfectly happy to throw Thor to the wolves in order to get ahead. It’s worse because he knew the Grandmaster would either continue enslaving Thor or kill him outright. He couldn’t act as if there was some other fate awaiting Thor if his betrayal had panned out for him. It’s even worse when you consider the conversation right before it where Thor tells him, “Loki, I thought the world of you.” Loki’s so quick to blame Thor, to act offended when Thor suggested Loki stay on Sakaar if they get rid of the Grandmaster. He never holds himself accountable, just using that blanket “I’m the God of Mischief” excuse in place of accepting his reprehensible actions.
  • Stealing the Tesseract from Asgard during Ragnarok: As we come to find Loki’s fate in Infinity War, all I can think is this could have been avoided if he’d left the damned thing there. Loki, Loki, Loki, why are you like this? Half of Asgard would still be alive if he hadn’t taken it from Odin’s vault before Asgard was destroyed. Does that mean that Thanos would have failed? Who knows. But Loki’s decision costs him his life, Heimdall his life, and also the lives of many innocent Asgardians thanks to his power-hungry nature. I suppose this argument is sort of answered in that Loki pays for his selfish act with his life, but it also ends up being a point for and against him, as you’ll see below.

When you add all that up, it makes quite the statement. We have strong evidence to support the “Loki is evil” argument. He is vain, self-centered, ego-centric, callous, and most definitely a sociopath of epic proportions. Everything he does is in service to himself, for the most part. He wants power and he wants attention (or as Tony so cleverly put it, “he’s a full-tilt diva.”) Loki appears to love nothing except himself and nearly everything he does serves that purpose.

But not everything.

Evidence against evil:

  • Goading Thor into fighting him on the Rainbow Bridge: the action itself doesn’t present a counterargument to the “Loki is evil” theory, but it does poke a hole in it. It’s a very carefully written scene, in my opinion, because now we see the cracks in Loki’s metaphorical armor. Loki pretends he’s this big bad wolf, but some of that young pup comes out through this scene where Thor demands that Loki turn off the Bi-Frost to prevent him from destroying Jotunheim. He’s so desperate to prove himself and to accept this “I’m a monster” mentality that he keeps pressing Thor to fight him, knowing that Thor doesn’t want to and that he wants it all to be over. He could have ended it all right then and there and it’s possible that Loki would have just served a sentence for his crimes instead of being executed, but Loki can’t accept his past and rejects everything in favor of becoming the monster of his origin. What also gives me some massive feels is a line that I’ve long debated with myself about being genuine: when Thor puts together that he can’t stop the Bi-Frost, so he starts destroying the bridge and Loki yells, “What are you doing? If you destroy the bridge, you’ll never see her again!” Ouch. You could definitely use that exclamation for both the argument and the counterargument. On the one hand, maybe Loki is just trying to manipulate Thor to get him to stop destroying the bridge. On the other hand, maybe Loki does realize what a selfless thing Thor is doing and some part of him doesn’t want Thor to suffer being stuck on Asgard away from the woman he was falling in love with. It’s a delightfully ambiguous line. Does Loki actually mean it? He still tries to stop him right after this line, but that doesn’t make it completely invalid. It’s a vastly interesting idea in and of itself. The whole struggle between the two is that Thor loves him and wants them to be brothers again, and Loki cut himself off from his adopted family and wants to rule so he doesn’t have to accept being an outcast. So does Loki actually have a remnant of his old self somewhere inside him and that’s the part of him that called out to Thor when he was destroying the bridge?
  • Loki’s reaction to Frigga’s death: Alright, here’s where the gloves come off in terms of Loki’s characterization over the course of the Marvel films. Loki and Frigga have an argument shortly before Loki guides Malekith’s lieutenant to Odin’s bedchambers and unfortunately Frigga dies defending Jane. Loki loses it. He’s a complete and utter wreck when Thor returns after Loki has gotten the news, and Loki knows it’s all his fault. He’s so wracked with guilt that he doesn’t even reveal to anyone that it was because of him. What gets me—and this is a testament to Tom’s skill as an actor—is that vulnerable little question right when Thor sees through Loki’s illusion: “Did she suffer?” Ouch. Oh man. It’s now apparent that the big bad wolf is a scared pup inside, at least for a moment. He knows he’s screwed up and he can’t take it back. It’s definitely sealed on the scene as they travel to meet Malekith on the abandoned planet: “Trust my rage.” One of the only real, true things we see from Loki is his desire to get revenge for Frigga’s death.
  • Loki saving Thor on the Night Elves’ planet: For once, he actually follows through with Thor’s plan and tries to help him stop Malekith. He even saves Thor’s life, and while it ended up being a con in the end, I still think that was a genuine moment of Loki being Thor’s brother again. He could have let Thor die, let Malekith consume the nine realms, and just rule another world in the ashes of what’s left, or he could have become a true ally of Malekith’s as well, but he didn’t. He stuck to the plan and he saved Thor when he didn’t have to and that’s surprisingly touching considering the monstrous things Loki has done in the past.
  • Loki shedding tears upon Odin’s death: Tom Hiddleston is a hell of an actor, man. I have to keep giving him props for knocking this complicated character out of the park. There are two interactions that are truly important during this scene: First, the look of shame on Loki’s face as he steps up next to Odin after apparently casting a spell so strong that it took Odin months or years (the timeline is a bit hard to tell, but Thor says it’s been two years since Ultron, so that gives you an idea of how long Odin had to have been on Earth either still bespelled or accepting his exile) and yet Odin doesn’t strike him, yell at him, or even denounce him for it. Odin says, “my sons.” Loki glances over at him, and the look of utter disbelief and vulnerability on Loki’s face is just like a kick in the nuts. That one expression shows that after all is said and done, Loki still wants a family. He still cares what Odin thinks of him, and he’s been wrapped up in this cocoon of hatred only to find out that maybe he was wrong the whole time to assume Odin rejected him for Thor, or to assume Odin hated him after all that he’d done. For just a second, Loki sees the light and sees the truth. Second, as Odin’s ashes float off into the ocean, Loki openly weeps. Wow, wow, wow, does Hiddleston kill this part of the movie. It truly tugs at the heartstrings to see that in spite of how many times Loki’s betrayed Odin, he sheds tears at his father’s passing, and after finding out that after all this time Odin still calls him son. Monsters don’t cry. Human beings do. Loki is still human. Maybe not completely, but there is definitely a part of him that isn’t a monster.
  • Trying to convince Thor not to fight the champion on Sakaar: Again, this is definitely pretty self-serving here. As much as Loki despises Thor, he knows good and well that Thor is a contender and Thor could help him overthrow the Grandmaster if they banded together. I think Loki actually meant it, personally, that he would get Thor out of the arena fights and they’d just try to survive on Sakaar in the meantime until they figured out what to do. What also seals it is Thor’s refusal to speak and it genuinely bothers Loki. He starts to prod him to reply and gets more agitated the longer Thor just sits there and stares at him. I dig that a lot. That’s a great scene, because in spite of all the horrid things Loki’s done, part of him still wants to be reunited with his brother. He just can’t help himself. He wants acceptance and he wants power and he wants to prove that he’s just as good and worthy as Thor at the end of the day. He even shows signs of worrying about Thor fighting the champion since the champion is undefeated. In the end, Loki just closes back up again and becomes his same old self, but the fact that he reveals his plan to Thor and tries to get him to go along with it suggests that he still cares. He doesn’t want to, but he does.
  • The elevator conversation during the escape from Sakaar: Thor crushes my heart into paste with this scene, which is a testament to the awesomeness of Chris Hemsworth. It hits me so hard when Loki says, “Do you truly think so little of me, brother?” and Thor just looks at him and says, “Loki, I thought the world of you. I thought we were going to fight side by side forever.” Oh, my heart. It hurts so much when the camera pans back and Loki’s honestly stunned. As mentioned above with Odin’s death scene, Loki figures out that he was wrong about what Thor thought of him this whole time and wrong about their relationship as well. Thor has been forced to fight Loki time and time again, and yet he always tries to be kind or show him mercy because Thor is just that kind of loving, genuine person. Loki lies to himself and believes that Thor is a thoughtless bully who always wants to show him up, but here he realizes it’s not true and maybe it never has been. Loki constantly projects his own rejection onto Thor and uses it as an excuse for being the villain. He thinks he’s a monster, and this is what monsters do: they turn on their loved ones and they try to get ahead. For just a moment, Loki can’t help but face the fact that Thor loves him in spite of all that he’s done.
  • Loki returning to Asgard to help: again, yes, this is mostly because Loki is a full tilt diva and he wants Asgard to know he’s coming back to be their “savior.” (My God, was that not the most satisfyingly over-the-top reveal? I love you, Loki, you little extra shit.) While it’s mostly so he can get some recognition, Loki still risks his life to protect the people of Asgard and help the Revengers defeat Hela. If he didn’t care, he wouldn’t have gone. He would have stayed on Sakaar and tried to overthrow the Grandmaster. I like the small touch of Thor coming back from facing down Hela and Thor says, “You’re late” and a visibly worried Loki replies, “You’re missing an eye.” Oh, and Thor saying Loki’s late? Another body slam to the feels. Thor had been hoping Loki would come around and believing that he would, and Loki came through. The big dopey smile Thor has on his face when the ship shows up does me a world of good, man. I just can’t emphasize how much I love Thor’s endless forgiveness and desire to see his brother be what he could have been all along: an ally. For just one instance, Loki lives up to the potential he’s been unconsciously seeking the whole time over the course of his journey as a character. He could be that guy. He could be the hero and the brother that Thor deserves, and that he himself deserves to see and believe in. It’s such a great show of the complexities that mix together to form this ridiculous horn-having, hair-flipping demigod.
  • Loki and Thor’s scene on the ship: “I’m here.” Loki didn’t run away. He’s there with Thor in the end and Thor’s so happy about it that it makes me cry knowing it’ll all go to shit soon afterward in Infinity War. The warmth we see from the two Odinsons in that scene could make the Eternal Flame tremble in comparison. It’s one of the rare scenes that Loki shows some honesty and good will towards Thor, even if he still has ulterior motives behind the scenes.
  • Loki dies trying to save Thor. Oh, boy. Here is the mother of all convincing facts that maybe Loki isn’t entirely evil. As we approached Infinity War, my gut had been telling me that based on his character development and the arc the MCU set him on, Loki would die giving up the Tesseract in order to save Thor’s life. However, it’s one thing for me to have had this theory beforehand and an entirely different thing to watch Loki die in an attempt to save his brother. It hurt me deeply. It hurt me simply because if Thor hadn’t kept believing in Loki and loving Loki in spite of all his horrible actions, Loki would have simply let Thanos kill him. What really tears the scene is that Loki does try to just let Thanos kill Thor rather than give up the Tesseract, but then he watches his brother scream in agony at Thanos’ hands and he simply can’t go through with it. It just destroys me that there were tears in his eyes as he watched Thor suffer and in the end, he tried to do the right thing, and he died protecting his brother. It was inevitable that Loki would meet his end this way, but it still says so much about the powerful relationship we’ve seen change and grow from the first Thor movie to now. Does it invalidate all the evil he’s done in other movies? Hell no. However, it definitely is the most compelling counterargument for this essay that Loki isn’t completely evil. He made his own bed and he’s finally had to lie down in it, but he went out trying to repay his brother’s love after so many years of betrayal. It breaks my heart, honestly.

So what does it all mean, in the end?

If we go by actions alone, the bad outweighs the good and Loki is evil. However, how do you define evil? If we go by Webster’s definition, we find that evil is: “morally reprehensible” or “arising from actual or imputed bad character or conduct.” Is evil simply the absence of good? If so, then no, Loki isn’t evil. There is good in him. There’s more bad than good, but it’s still there and in the end he chose to do the right thing rather than defaulting into his old ways. Furthermore, is he evil in part of the story and not in the rest? Possibly, yes. What makes Loki so hard to pin down is the fact that up until Infinity War it’s an ongoing story, so if you pluck him out at certain points, it’s still open for debate what constitutes as evil. He certainly is evil for large chunks of his overall storyline, but when he develops, the picture gets away blurry and hard to describe. In that case, what is the measure of evil? Is it the whole journey or the ending? Can the lives he’s taken be weighed against the lives he’s saved? What tips the balance on the scales of the soul?

I hope you guys know, ‘cause I sure don’t.

All I can safely say is that Loki is complex. He’s mostly bad, but the streak of good in him has honestly saved lives, so it’s hard to throw him away completely as the villain. He’s neither totally the villain nor anti-hero, but just this sassy asshole who straddles the fence. Big props to the many writers who brought our brilliant trashlord to life. He shall be sorely missed.