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The Dresden Files Reread and Review: Fool Moon

Fool Moon cover

We’re back with another in depth review and analysis of my favorite urban fantasy series, The Dresden Files. This time we’re taking a look at Book #2, Fool Moon. Spoilers ahead, as always.

Once more, I am inspired to bow down to Jim Butcher right off the bat because of his stubborn refusal to use info-dump or exposition dumps for the first chapter of the book. I subscribe heartily to the idea of “in media res” and not boring any newcomers with the main character giving you their entire life’s story as soon as you flip to page one. I’ve always admired how he can open the book with Harry’s sharp wit and endearing self-deprecation while still introducing plot threads, new and old, and gently reminding us of the wizard’s role.

Now that I’m done being happy about Butcher’s writing style, I can concentrate on my gross sobbing because this is one of the books where Harry and Murphy are at odds with each other. They haven’t spoken in a month and there’s a great deal of tension between them—and not the good kind. Murphy calls Harry in on a grisly murder where all signs point to a werewolf. And then to make matters worse, the FBI butts in and starts causing hell for them, particularly the one crazy ass agent who tries to shoot Murphy while escorting her off the crime scene. Ah, a day in the life of Lieutenant Murphy. She never gets a break.

Sam You brave little soldier

Still, the good thing is that the conflict between Harry and Murphy throughout this book is grounded in realism. After Harry helped curbstomp the bad guy in the previous book, the ramifications for both of them is what caused the rift. Internal Affairs started looking really hard at Murphy, so she couldn’t call Harry in for the werewolf murders without I.A. shifting focus onto him, which could put him in jail. Plus, there’s Harry holding back information to keep Murphy from getting killed. It’s kind of delicious considering both of them are mad at each other for protecting one another. Do you see why I have trouble not shipping them? Stupid adorable babies.

As I mentioned in my review of Storm Front, Harry and Murphy’s friendship is really what has always helped set The Dresden Files apart from other series. For instance, after the heated confrontation with the FBI, Harry and Murphy get back in the car and Harry takes Murphy’s keys so she can’t just drive him home without saying anything. He confronts her about the rift between them and that’s very rare. A lot of characters would be passive aggressive about this sort of thing—which, to be fair, Harry does have a little moment right when they are reunited—but Harry is direct about the tension between them and it’s a really nice departure from the norm. He also promises to try and give her as much information as he can, though he notes that it’s still impossible to tell her everything at this point.

We get some wizarding and Harry finds the first batch of suspects—a group of young werewolves led by a woman who was following Harry and Murphy from the crime scene. Murphy manages to catch up to him and he tells her to wait before trying to investigate them, since his instincts tell him they aren’t to blame for the murders.

Harry gets some information from the air spirit Bob and heads to S.I. headquarters in the morning, where he happens to bump into Susan Rodriguez—the hotshot reporter he’s been casually seeing. I think with this interaction I started to figure out why I’ve never been hot on Susan. The relationship he has with her is purely based on attraction, whereas with Murphy (mind you, much later on) it’s all about mutual respect and friendship. Susan is beautiful and assertive with her sexuality, which is a weakness for Harry, but not for me, so all the heavy flirting she throws his way just slides right off me. I’m not a guy, and so Susan doesn’t offer anything to me because she’s all about being attractive. We’re told she’s smart and tenacious, but most of what we’ve seen of Susan has been off-screen, and so I think it lessens the impact of how important she is as a character. Like “Gentleman” Johnny Marcone, Susan is a character who feels obligatory to me. She’s supposed to be there, rather than naturally occurring like 90% of the other supporting characters. Thus, this interaction does nothing for me other than reminding me Harry is a sucker for a hot lady who has a Type A personality.

Additionally, I had a startling realization that Susan is also a pretty big distraction, both literally and figuratively. Whenever Harry gets around her, he’s always flustered and can’t focus because he finds her so alluring. However, unless I’m mistaken, Susan hasn’t really been able to help Harry achieve a goal at this point in the narrative. Now, she does so later in this book and in the series, but Susan’s been more of a problem than a solution in Harry’s life. This is realistic, but it’s also kind of annoying to know that they aren’t going in the same direction and she blocks things for him in a way. But again, that’s just a personal bias. She has plenty more involvement in the story and maybe I’ll finally like her as we continue onward. (But don’t hold your breath.)

After nearly getting chomped by some werewolf suspects, Harry bumps into Marcone, who tries to bribe him into helping him investigate the murders that have been directed at some of his employees, so to speak. This interaction, I admit, is vastly interesting to me because this is one of those rare scenes where Harry and Marcone are completely at odds. Often, Harry has been forced to walk on eggshells around Marcone because he’s so dangerous, but this time he just candidly calls the guy an animal and tells him to take a hike. I like that. I like it a lot. It shows that Harry’s temper is most definitely a character flaw—trust me, it gets him into trouble plenty of times—but it also makes him even more endearing. Harry is not a perfect guy, but you really root for the way he goes after Marcone here. Harry hates corruption, but even more, he hates that Marcone tries to dress up the fact that he’s a criminal and a murderer with this air of false sophistication. He’s a thug in a nice suit, essentially, and Harry calls him out on it.

Once the showdown with Marcone ends, Harry does pursue the tidbit of relevant info Marcone gave him and then we get a really fantastic reveal that the demon he’s interrogating knows about his mother. Harry’s past has been revealed in small chunks since the first book, and if I’m not mistaken, this might be the first big piece we get about Margaret Dresden. We know she was a powerful magic practitioner, but she died during Harry’s birth, so the poor dear never got to know her. Harry’s backstory is shrouded in mystery and bucketloads of pain, and it’s yet another thing that makes us sympathize with him so much. Harry carries this quiet but powerful ache inside him because he has no surviving family members that he knows of, and it’s heartbreaking when you can tell he wants to bargain for the info about his mother with the demon, but he knows it would land him in a world of trouble if he did.

Annnnnd then we get to the scene that feels like Jim Butcher is playing Surgeon Simulator and I’m the unlucky bastard he’s “operating” on.

Murphy calls Harry up to another murder, but unfortunately, Harry discovers that Kim Delaney, a casual friend and acquaintance, has been murdered because he wouldn’t tell her how to finish a spell she was using. Murphy puts the pieces together and goes berserk, kicking Harry’s ass before finally arresting him. A lot of folks in the fandom aren’t fond of Murphy’s actions from this point onward, but I think it’s still within her character to have this kind of reaction. Harry specifically promised not to hold back information and he did so, and now someone else is dead. Add that in with Murphy already being stressed out over Internal Affairs being up her ass and their strained friendship and her reaction, to me, sounds about right. Plus, as I’ve said before, Butcher takes great pleasure in smearing our hearts into paste beneath his boots, so he made sure Harry is all but broken after this scene. I tried to hug my paperback, honestly. Poor baby.

To Harry’s luck and detriment, the spouse of the bad guy he’s hunting, Tera West, breaks him out of the back of the police car and they escape, though poor Harry is injured even further. Tera is definitely an interesting character among the many minor or one-book-only characters we’ve met throughout the series. She has such alien actions and dialogue that make her unique. I like that Harry is absolutely not having most of the nonsense she puts him through because he recognizes that she’s dangerous and there is something quite off about her.

This brings us to the confrontation of Harry and the potential killer, MacFinn, who is actually someone trying to control or get rid of the curse that turns him into a loup-garou. It’s one of the better mysteries in the series because you can feel the tension as Harry tries to figure out if MacFinn is on the up-and-up.

Susan reappears, as I assured you she would, as Harry’s ride since Murphy and the FBI are still hot on his trail. I’m happy she’s his support system and she did something plot-relevant instead of slinking around and flirting with him. But I still don’t find myself feeling fond of her. Don’t worry, I’m not going to go blaring Avril Lavigne or anything.

Sadly, though, shit hits the fan in a big way soon afterward. MacFinn was arrested by the Murphy and her cops trying to escape the forest and transforms while in the precinct. It is one of the most pants-shittingly scary moments in the series entire run. Butcher leans more for fantasy than horror later on, but this bit is strictly horror, and boy, does it send chills down your spine as you read. Worse still, among the casualties is Carmichael, Murphy’s partner, who dies saving her life. It’s as rough as it sounds, which kind of sets a tone for the series where you know Butcher’s not going to pull any punches.

Luckily, Harry and Murphy and a handful of others survive, and Susan swings in to take Harry home to recover. It’s here that we’re introduced to a very weird, but strangely cool concept. When Harry takes a beating to the point of unconsciousness, he finds himself talking to Id Harry. Id Harry is his instinctual side, who is a very abrupt, candid, borderline rude summation of Harry’s often neglected inhibitions and desires. He brings up a brilliant point that Harry’s desperate desire to protect Murphy is what could get her killed and even though it would put her in danger, he has to trust her with the truth finally. He brings up other good advice for Harry to consider before he has to exit stage left. I like Id Harry because he’s kind of like a cheat code. He provides a break in the action as well as some much needed plot fuel. It’s a risk, and I’m sure some people don’t like that it is a way to easily convey information and drop new plot points or foreshadowing, but I still find him interesting enough to excuse it. (P.S. Id Harry notes that Harry should ask Murphy out sometime, but regular Harry remains clueless. I just wanted to point it out. This will be important in later reviews.)

And then he, you know, throws himself out of a moving vehicle. Jesus Christ, Harry.

The passage leading up to that is nothing short of hilarious. I continue to turn Hulk-green with envy that Butcher can write such gut-bustingly funny scenes when Harry is in mortal danger. This time, the biker gang of wolves Harry was snooping around have come back for revenge. Things go from bad to worse when he’s too battered to beat them and gets himself kidnapped and finds out the FBI is in on the scheme, and so is Marcone.

Harry does get his butt saved a lot in this book, I admit. It’s both good and bad. It’s good because it shows how human and inexperienced he is, and how he’s capable of getting in over his head. It’s bad because, I’m not kidding, Harry gets rescued a TON of times in this novel, whereas in the other ones it’s a tie between him figuring a way out and coming up with a plan, and sheer dumb luck.

We also get a love scene between him and Susan, and again, I just am not feeling it. I have a theory, personally. I think Harry and Susan have passion, not quite love. Love is layered and multifaceted. To me, Harry and Susan are passionate, but not right for each other, and perhaps that’s why their romance leaves me cold. To his credit, though, I really love the passage of Harry showing some true vulnerability, and the scene where Susan dresses him. It’s a powerful, emotional scene, and even though I’m not crazy about Susan, I adore it.

Naturally, their plan to stop Denton and his goons go south and Harry gets captured again (are you seeing a theme here?) We do get a really tiny but sweet friendship building moment as Harry shelters Murphy with his coat while they’re trapped in the cold pit waiting for the bad guys to finish them. Luckily, they manage to cobble together a small plan, with some help from the betrayed Marcone, and skidaddle for the final big battle.

The great thing about the finale for this one is that it weaves back into the beginning with the Book Ends trope in a big way. It’s Harry and Murphy facing off with the loup-garou all while the two are in the middle of the biggest fight of their entire friendship. That, to me, is a huge hurdle, to save someone’s life when you’re so pissed off at them that you don’t even want to meet their gaze. It works. It really, really works.

Overall Grade: 3.5 stars out of 5.

Next up we have Grave Peril, which means diving into ghosts and the like, which is right up my alley. See you next time, darlings.

Headcanon Exercise #1

I just happened past a Tumblr post with a list of headcanons that piqued my interest. If you’re not aware, a headcanon is basically an idea you have about certain characters that isn’t directly seen in the canon of a work of fiction. It’s usually used in the context of television shows, anime, movies, and such, but it happens with original fiction as well. I thought this would be a fun way for you guys to get to know more about the characters of The Black Parade, so here we go.

JORDAN

TBP Jordan Boxing gloves

  • can they use chopsticks: Yes.
  • what do they do when they can’t sleep: She reads “Bartleby the Scrivener” by Herman Melville because it is unbelievably boring and it always makes her nod off before she can finish. However, if she’s up because of a nightmare, then she pours herself some whiskey and it calms her down enough to sleep.
  • what would they impulse buy at the grocery store: Lindt chocolate.
  • what order do they wash things in the shower: Hair first (once a week), shoulders, arms, torso, legs, and feet.
  • what’s their coffee order: two creams, three sugars.
  • what sort of apps would they have on their smartphone: Kindle App, Words with Friends, and Tip Calculator (for any of her customers who can’t multiply).
  • how do they act around children: Jordan loves kids, thanks to spending a lot of time with Lauren’s daughter, Lily. She’s completely at ease around them.
  • what would they watch on tv when they’re bored and nothing they really like is on: Jordan loves terrible scary movies because she likes to riff them and talk about plotholes.

 

MICHAEL

The Black Parade Michael crop

 

  • can they use chopsticks: Yes, but not that well.
  • what do they do when they can’t sleep: He’ll write songs or play his guitar until he starts getting drowsy.
  • what would they impulse buy at the grocery store: Knick knacks like laser pointers, Swiss Army knives, or any little things that might be useful on a mission.
  • what order do they wash things in the shower: Armpits, arms, chest, legs, feet, and hair last since it doesn’t take long to wash. He also shaves in the shower.
  • what’s their coffee order: He can drink it black, but he prefers a little cream.
  • what sort of apps would they have on their smartphone: Banking apps, Adobe Acrobat, Kindle App, iTunes, Excel, Flashlight, Navigator app, and Skype.
  • how do they act around children: He’s fine if there are other people around, but he gets anxious if he has to babysit alone because it’s a big responsibility and his life is pretty dangerous. He worries about putting them in harm’s way.
  • what would they watch on tv when they’re bored and nothing they really like is on: It’s a guilty pleasure, but he’ll leave on MTV or VH1 if it’s early morning when they play 70s, 80s, 90s, and 00s jams.

 

GABRIEL

The Black Parade Gabriel crop

  • can they use chopsticks: Yes, since he schmoozes with wealthy people a lot. Better than Jordan and Michael at using them, in fact.
  • what do they do when they can’t sleep: Goes over financial reports from his company.
  • what would they impulse buy at the grocery store: Cologne, nice watches, lint roller, breath mints, and candy.
  • what order do they wash things in the shower: Gabriel is very particular about his hair, so he probably washes it first and conditions it, then moves from head to toe.
  • what’s their coffee order: Lots of cream and sugar. He doesn’t actually like coffee that much. He prefers tea whenever possible.
  • what sort of apps would they have on their smartphone: Pretty much anything your average multi-millionaire businessman would need. When he can’t be around a laptop, he uses his phone.
  • how do they act around children: He adores them. Can’t get enough. He always tries to bring Lily a toy or trinket if he visits.
  • what would they watch on tv when they’re bored and nothing they really like is on: C-Span.

 

BELIAL

The Black Parade Belial crop

  • can they use chopsticks: Yes, proficiently.
  • what do they do when they can’t sleep: He’ll go to a bar and find himself a date.
  • what would they impulse buy at the grocery store: Condoms. Because he can never have too many.
  • what order do they wash things in the shower: Like Gabriel, he is very particular about how he takes care of his hair. He also goes from feet to head in washing order.
  • what’s their coffee order: Cappuccino or espresso. He doesn’t like plain coffee much.
  • what sort of apps would they have on their smartphone: Anything that helps him keep up with his scores and scores of floozies, but also financial matters. He also loathes any form of social media and won’t indulge in it no matter what his company says.
  • how do they act around children: Hates them all.
  • what would they watch on tv when they’re bored and nothing they really like is on: He’s a fan of trashy reality shows. He’s also a closet fan of True Blood and Game of Thrones, so he’ll put on the DVDs if he gets bored enough.

Stay tuned! I might do a few more, if it’s not too dorky.

Happy(ish) Valentine’s Day

In honor of Singles Awareness Day Valentine’s Day, I’ve written a little short story for you, my adoring public. Enjoy! (Spoilers through the end of The Black Parade.)


 

TBP Valentine's Day color crop

If there was one thing being a Seer taught me, it’s that nothing in life is ever simple.

Take my personal life, for instance. After six long months of God-mandated separation, Michael returned to me and proposed. I said yes after some careful consideration and then we had a sweet little courthouse marriage with the immediate family—Gabriel, Lauren, Lily, and Raphael. We promised to do an actual ceremony when things were less hectic, which was reasonable considering how much trouble the two of us get into on a regular basis.

A couple weeks later, I was in the kitchen peeling carrots when Michael snuck up behind me—a habit he developed because he thought it was hilarious when I jumped in surprise—with an idea.

“I just realized something,” he said, pressing a kiss against my nape.

“You’re secretly Batman?”

He chuckled. “No. We’ve never spent Valentine’s Day together.”

I paused, my nose scrunching as I thought about it. He was right. We met in August of last year and were with each other for a few months before he was sent away. “Guess not.”

“Well, I had an idea,” he continued, resting his chin on my shoulder, his muscular arms wound about my waist. It was so terribly comfortable I almost stopped peeling the carrots. “The fourteenth is next week. What if we have a late celebration?”

“Michael, it’s April.”

“So?”

“So that’s two months after the fact. You don’t want to just do it next year?”

He shrugged. “I thought this could be fun. Plus, it’d be easier to get you stuff since the holiday passed.”

My ears metaphorically perked up at the mention of stuff. I wasn’t a material girl, but I did like to eat. “Don’t suppose any of said ‘stuff’ would include chocolate?”

He angled his face towards my hair, his lips brushing my ear, dropping his voice to a seductive tone. “I’ll get you a Lindt chocolate basket.”

I shuddered. “I love it when you talk dirty.”

He laughed and kissed my cheek. “It’s a date then.”

Fast forward to a week later with me curled up on the couch blowing a quart of snot out of my nose.

Like I said. The life of a Seer is never simple.

“I cannot believe this,” I moaned through the tissue. “I should be up to my ears in chocolate! And sex. But mostly chocolate. And some sex.”

I could hear Michael’s rumbling laugh from the kitchen. “I know. I’m sorry you caught a cold, baby.”

I tossed the tissue in the wastebasket next to the couch, pulling the comforter I’d stolen from Michael’s bed tighter over my shoulders. The television blared the second season of Castle—my go-to viewing in an attempt to cheer myself up—but my pounding head, itchy throat, and congested sinuses eradicated any sense of enjoyment.

I flopped over onto my side, sniffling. “Why? Is God punishing us because we boffed like ten times in the first 48 hours of being soul-married?”

“I don’t recall there being any commandments against sex marathons,” he answered. “Besides, you work at a restaurant. There’s no telling how many people you come in contact with on a daily basis, so someone was bound to get you sick.”

He finally returned from the kitchen with a white ceramic bowl and a spoon. I sat up and he handed them to me, revealing what he’d been cooking for the past hour. Rotini pasta floated in hot chicken broth amongst chunks of boneless chicken thigh meat, carrots, and celery. I couldn’t smell anything thanks to the congestion, but my mouth watered at the sight of non-canned, non-preservative-stuffed soup.

“Thank you,” I mumbled, shoveling in a couple spoonfuls. Heavenly stuff. “This is so good I wanna divorce you just so I can marry you all over again.”

“Thanks, that’s sweet.” He kissed my forehead and sat down next to me.

I squirmed, trying to put some distance between us. “Not too close. You’ll get sick.”

Michael arched an eyebrow. “I’m an angel, you dork. I don’t get sick.”

I frowned. “Want some hot soup in your crotch?”

He bit his bottom lip, trying to hide a smile. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to rub it in. I just meant you don’t have to quarantine yourself because I won’t catch it.”

“That’s my point, though,” I said, putting the soup down on the coffee table. “This is two weeks into our marriage. You shouldn’t have to see me all gross and disgusting yet. I’m supposed to be your smoking hot wife. This stuff doesn’t come until way later.”

He shook his head. “Our lives have never been normal. I wouldn’t expect our relationship to be either. You’re still my smoking hot wife no matter what. I’m in it for the long haul, remember? ‘Til death do us part.”

The honest sincerity in his words made me glance down and fidget with my shirttail. “I’m not used to this.”

“Used to what?”

“Being taken care of,” I whispered. “Someone making me soup and saying nice things to me. Even when I was with….” I swallowed, trying to say his name without my voice cracking. “Terrell, I always hid at my place when I caught a cold.”

He didn’t say anything for a moment. Then he caught my chin, lifted my face, and kissed me very gently. “You are such a freaking killjoy, woman.”

I laughed. “Sorry.”

“You are forgiven. Now eat your soup that I slaved over a hot stove for all day.”

“Yes, sir.”

I stretched out on the couch and picked up my bowl, eating quietly while watching Richard Castle break down the door to Kate Beckett’s exploded apartment. Michael tugged my legs across his lap and started massaging my feet. Maybe it wasn’t a fairytale fake-Valentine’s-Day like we planned, but this would certainly do for now.

 

Five days later…

“I hate you.”

“I know.”

“I really, really hate you.”

“I know.”

“I’m an archangel of the Lord. How did you get me sick, Jordan? How?

“I don’t know, babe.” I sifted my fingers through his dark hair, smoothing it away from his sweaty forehead. About half of his upper body was curled up in my lap. He wore a stony expression, his nose as red as Rudolph the Reindeer’s, his eyes bloodshot, his skin a couple shades paler than normal. I wasn’t surprised that he was this grouchy. Angel or not, a man-cold was a man-cold.

“You want anything?”

“To breathe through my nose,” he groused.

I rolled my eyes. “Not what I meant, Captain Sassypants.”

He paused. “I mean, I wouldn’t be upset if you took your shirt off.”

I flicked him in the ear. “Food. I meant food.”

He sighed. “Green tea. Make like a gallon of it.”

“Okay.”

“I’m gonna pour onto my head and melt my face off so I can’t feel anything.”

I bit my lip to keep from smiling and gently slid out from beneath him. “Yes, dear.”

I walked towards the kitchen. His voice reached me before I got there.

“…seriously, though, do you have to be wearing a shirt right now?”

“Don’t make me hurt you, pretty boy.”

 


Thanks for reading! Have a happy!

 

The Problem with 50 Shades of Grey

Pictured: 50 Shades of a piece of shit human being.

Pictured: 50 Shades of a piece of shit human being.

I know what you’re thinking.

“Another author jumping on the bandwagon to dump hatred on this book and upcoming movie? Really? What do you have to say about it that someone hasn’t already said?”

And that’s a fair statement. I’m not the only one who is discussing the upcoming 50 Shades movie. Plenty of authors have gotten into it already, whether for or against it. I won’t try to convince you to listen to me. Instead, I will just speak my piece and let you do whatever you want to do afterward.

The reason that I have a burning hatred for 50 Shades of Grey is not simply because it’s poorly written, because it’s popular, or because it’s erotica.

The reason I have a burning hatred for 50 Shades of Grey is because it is a book and movie about glorifying an incredibly abusive relationship and it is the first time in recent memory that the general populace just seems to be okay with it.

“But Kyoko,” you say. “Isn’t that why you disliked Twilight?”

Yes and no. The reason I hate Twilight is also because it’s poorly written and it glorifies an unhealthy relationship, but let me explain why Twilight pales in comparison to 50 Shades.

First of all, Bella Swan is a teenager. Teenagers are illogical, emotional beings. Their hormones make the calls. I was one not too long ago and the way you feel dictates every single thing you do, and you can’t really help yourself most of the time. I’m not making excuses for Bella because she is still a dull, stupid, wet blanket of a character and she shouldn’t have put her life in danger just for a booty call with someone who put his needs above hers constantly. However, that’s the very reason the books were popular. Teenagers don’t know any better. They read about some tall, dark, and handsome dangerous vampire obsessed with one below average girl and they think, “Oh, wow, wouldn’t it be so cool if I had a hot guy who wanted me this badly?” Edward Cullen is not and never should be a teen idol because he’s an overpowering, pretentious, selfish prick, but it’s not like we don’t have fictional characters who are popular in spite of being absolutely awful. (Read: Loki, Hannibal Lecter)

To me, Twilight is less offensive because it deals with an unhealthy psychological relationship. As far as I know, Edward never physically abuses Bella. He forces his opinions on her, sure, and let’s not even talk about his actions in Breaking Dawn, but he’s a douchebag and she’s too much of a sea cucumber to stand up for herself because she’s a teenager and she has never known better. She isn’t an adult. She doesn’t know how to respond to the way he treats her, and she doesn’t realize yet that she had better options.

At the end of the day, Twilight is a fad. It’s already faded by about 50% in the last couple years. Twenty years from now, it’ll be like N’sync and the Backstreet Boys. Some girls will look back on it and giggle like, “Wow, what was I thinking back then? Hormones are powerful things, huh?” Jump ahead another 50 years and we might not even remember it at all except for the box office records.

50 Shades, however, is just straight up glorifying one adult abusing another adult, and the reason this pisses me off so much is that it’s going to corrupt a lot of teens and women who just don’t know any better.

With Twilight, the odds that girls got into bad relationships because they were looking for some creepy stalker were high, but probably not attainable. Girls wanted to be Bella, but it’s not really possible without a lobotomy. I’m sure men preyed on those impressionable girls for a while, but most men were repulsed by the franchise and didn’t bother to try to imitate Edward Cullen because no one on earth can possibly be that bizarre mix of brutish disdain and boring lack of personality.

With 50 Shades, the reading world who made this the fastest selling book of all time is staunchly saying to these women, “This is what you should want. This is hot. This is what BDSM is like and you should want that kind of relationship. This made so much money because all these women want this kind of sex and this kind of boyfriend.”

And women have it hard enough.

Every day, women are subjected to advertisements and television shows and movies and video games and anime that enforce what the “ideal woman” is on us. She’s this height, this weight, she has these proportions, she has this hair color, she wears these clothes, she sounds like this, she goes to this place, and you’re never going to be loved if you’re not like her. The media lovingly whittles down our confidence with onslaughts of unfair and unrealistic stereotypes that make us feel worthless in comparison, and there are few of us who are strong enough to ignore it and take our beautiful asses elsewhere.

50 Shades of Grey is the ultimate inaccurate portrayal of something to aspire to. It is not real BDSM, it is something that E.L. James imagined while furiously masturbating. Don’t believe me? Look it up. Look up actual S & M culture, and they will straight up tell you that what Christian Grey is doing to Ana is NOT the proper protocol for BDSM. He is abusing her. He is performing unwanted sexual acts on her, and just because she gets off on it later doesn’t mean it’s not abuse. That is the single biggest reason why I detest this book and this film. It is blatant disregard for one woman’s personal and sexual desires and it sends the ugliest message out into the world that I’ve ever seen in my life.

Because for every decent, loving, mature man out there, there are fifty immature douchebags who are going to see this movie and have every backwards-ass thought in their head reaffirmed. These assholes are going to see 50 Shades make $100 million dollars and say, “Oh, so it’s okay to ignore what women want and force my views and my sexuality onto them. They obviously bought these books and saw this movie ten times, so it’s okay. I can be an asshole and still get laid.” And that is exactly what decent women have been fighting against their entire lives.

Think I’m exaggerating? Do you remember the #YesAllWomen event on Twitter last year? All women have at least one street harassment story. Most have several. We have to deal with unwanted male aggressions, micro or otherwise, all the time. It may not be frequent, but there are always men who think it’s okay to badger women out of some misplaced sense of entitlement.

And 50 Shades of Grey is unconsciously saying that these guys aren’t the minority.

I will have nothing to do with a book or a film that helps these pricks continue to treat my sisters like they are nothing less than meat. Never.

“But Kyoko,” you say. “You’re a fangirl. Aren’t fans notorious for glorifying unhealthy relationships?”

Yes and no. I’m a fangirl alright, but I’m actually pretty conservative in certain terms. Yes, I write about an abusive relationship between my protagonist Jordan and the villain Belial, but the difference is that I make it 100% clear that what Belial does to Jordan is wrong and should not be the way anyone treats another person. Belial himself fully admits he’s an evil piece of shit and he wants to bring Jordan down to his level. Jordan fully admits that being attracted to Belial is the worst part of her personality and she is ashamed of her carnal desires for him. Furthermore, while Belial treats her badly, he does actually have something to offer her: money, status, power, and sexual fulfillment.

Furthermore, yes, fans often glorify abusive or even illegal fictional relationships. It’s sad, but it happens constantly in certain circles. I’ve seen them try to justify rape, incest, bestiality, abuse, child molestation, and all kinds of foul things, and they do it with the same emphatic enthusiasm and denial as the women who claim that 50 Shades isn’t about abuse. And guess what? It’s not okay either. They will argue until they are blue in the face for me saying so, but no, I think certain things that fans promote are despicable and should not be done even if it’s just fictional.

However, the difference here is that this is fandom. What does the word “fan” stand for when used in this context? Fan is short for fanatic. That is actually a much smaller demographic than Tumblr would lead you to believe is the norm. These are a very specific subset of people who actively search for this kind of thing. They are not the average woman or girl who would just happen to stumble across these sorts of things.

50 Shades of Grey has been promoted and plastered on every available surface, whereas the unhealthy things that fans like are in a much smaller, more concentrated setting. Sure, some girls who don’t know better might see the things that the fandom insists is okay, but it’s far less likely. 50 Shades is widespread and it’s going to mess with so many impressionable women who don’t know that what they are seeing is an exaggeration and misrepresentation of BDSM and all the things that are associated with an interest in kinky sex or a relationship based mostly on the physical aspects. I am all for women taking charge of their sexuality and exploring what they desire, but I am not for a pigeonholed version that is mostly nonsense of some woman who managed to trick people into thinking her fantasies were anything near what actual BDSM and actual well-written erotica are like.

I condemn this book and movie not because it places sex on a pedestal, but because it makes it clear that Christian Grey’s wants and needs are more important than Ana’s, and that at the end of the day, the man is still the one who dictates the relationship, and the woman is his plaything. I condemn this book and movie because there are so many women with abuse stories that will feel a centimeter tall when people advocate such an obvious monster of a man taking advantage of an ignorant girl. I condemn this movie because it was written by a woman, and yet it enforces nearly every single unhealthy stereotype that lousy men embody.

You have every right to like what you want to like. No one will ever stop you. But I think it bears repeating that just because something is popular doesn’t mean it’s good, and doesn’t mean it’s something people should ever take to heart.

*climbs back down off of soapbox*

Coastal Magic 2015

Look alive, people! Mama’s been out about town. This time, I was lucky enough to attend Coastal Magic–a convention exclusively for authors of urban fantasy, paranormal, and paranormal romance at the Hilton hotel in Daytona Beach, Florida. It was from February 5-8, but I went Friday night and Saturday since it is a 2-hour drive from where I live. Below are some pictures and descriptions of events as well as a few of my thoughts.


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On Friday night, we had Cinema Craptastic, which is like Rifftrax Live if you’ve heard of that. Our starring riffer was Damon Suede, and he was tearing into the abominable 2014 farce known as ‘The Legend of Hercules’ starring Kellan Lutz. It was glorious. We laughed ourselves silly at Damon’s commentary as well as the horrible effects and ridiculous historical inaccuracies of the movie. The hashtag we used on Twitter, “#CMCC15” trended that night and even attracted the attention of one of the actors of the film, who actually got offended by one of the author’s jabs at his awful hairstyle and silly accent during the film, which only made it funnier.

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Saturday morning, I attended the “Scooby Gang” panel, which is a panel discussing the importance of supporting characters in fantasy and paranormal works. It included authors Tawdra Kandle, Coreene Callahan, Kristen Painter, Stephanie Julian, and Paige Tyler. It was very laidback and informative, just a lot of great minds sharing experiences.

The next panel I hit was a meet-and-greet of authors Molly Harper, Rane Sjodin, Damon Suede, and Angie Fox. This one I forgot to take a picture for because I was too busy laughing my ass off. The meet and greet’s subject was inappropriate stories, and boy, did these authors fit the bill. We learned all kinds of horrible jobs they’d had in the past, or bad roommates, or embarrassing moments on Twitter.

After that, we were all served lunch and met up with authors of our choice. I met Lucienne Diver, who was a lovely woman with great stories to tell and plenty of encouraging things to tell me as an upcoming author.

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Above is the ‘Man Up!’ panel featuring Christopher Rice, Eric R Asher, Vaughn R Demont, and Elliot James (not in order, mind you). This panel was about the challenges male authors face when writing female characters and their thoughts on vice versa. It was a great idea with some very cool perspectives from all over. I especially enjoyed chatting with Vaughn after he mentioned his growing frustration with Jim Butcher of The Dresden Files’ evil tendency to make it seem like Harry and Murphy are going to finally get together only to yank the rug out from under us. I fangirled with him after the panel about the ending of Changes. It was very cathartic.

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After that, we had the Flash Fiction panel starring Damon Suede, Lucienne Diver, Kiernan Kelly, Nancy Holzner, Lisa Kessler, Alivia Anders, and Jeffe Kennedy. If you’ve never heard of flash fiction, it’s usually an exercise where authors have a limited amount of time to write about a subject based on prompts given to them. This one was a little different. It was essentially like an episode of Whose Line Is It Anyway? The authors were given prompts from the audience and had to tell a story that tied together from one author to the next. It was hilarious. They came up with some of the strangest stories you will ever hear with ridiculous characters and all kinds of pop culture references thrown in that had us howling in our seats. For me, this was the highlight of the convention.

Then everyone started setting up for the book signing section of the day, so I decided to take a walk along the beach as the Hilton hotel on North Atlantic street is quite literally ON the beach. I haven’t been to the beach since I was a little girl, so here are just some of the things I got to see.

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Finally, that night Melanie, Emily, and I briefly attended the mixer, which was music, drinks, and some dessert for us all to relax and mingle. Below are just a couple shots of the room we were in just as people began arriving.

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Overall, I had a wonderful time. Assuming I am still in Florida this time next year, I will definitely go back. This time, I only went as an observer, so I only met a handful of authors and I didn’t talk about my work much because I didn’t want to seem like I was hocking it. Next year, I fully intend to give out more than a few paperbacks for the raffle and send everyone home with Black Parade related swag.

Additionally, the convention isn’t 100% for authors. Fans of the aforementioned authors are welcome to attend for meet and greets, so if you’re in the Florida area, please join them next year. I think it’s well worth it. See the website for more information and for the full list of authors who were in attendance.

Cover Reveal: The Enlightened by Dima Zales

In case you missed it, I’m currently in a free box set called The Paranormal 13 with a bunch of other hellaciously talented authors in my genre. One of them is the awesome Dima Zales, who has an upcoming monster of a sequel for your viewing pleasure. You can get started on his series by grabbing yourself a copy of The Paranormal 13 and then brace yourselves for The Enlightened.

The Enlightened by Dima Zales

From USA Today bestselling author Dima Zales comes the highly anticipated third book in his Mind Dimension series: The Enlightened, which can now be pre-ordered at most major retailers. Book three continues the saga of Darren as he navigates the world of ‘Readers’ and ‘Pushers’ while trying to find out who killed his parents and why they might also want him dead.

In celebration of the cover reveal and pre-order for The Enlightened, the first book in the series, The Thought Readers is on sale for $.99 for a limited time.

Here are the links for The Enlightened:
Amazon US: http://bit.ly/TheEnlightenedUS
Amazon UK: http://bit.ly/TheEnlightenedUK
Kobo: http://bit.ly/1CjdlZ9
iBookstore: http://bit.ly/1Eu5d98
Google Play: http://bit.ly/1Ke1uuP

Here are the links for The Thought Readers:
Amazon US: http://amzn.to/1CRCEAI
Amazon UK: http://amzn.to/1ptpzDX
Barnes & Noble: http://bit.ly/1rH962i
Kobo: http://bit.ly/1pr7bvj
iBookstore: http://bit.ly/1CGpTaz
Google Play: http://bit.ly/1vy4Mnq
Smashwords: http://bit.ly/1xCU9Dc